MARRIAGE DOESN’T MEAN PRODUCING KIDS
THE PHOTO ABOVE IS MY 4 KIDS I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT
If not all couples, the majority of couples wish to become parents sooner than later to “cement” their marriage with the upbringing of children in their marriage.
In certain cultures and religions across the world, non-child bearing couples are not regarded and taken seriously and women especially suffer the blunt of these archaic cultures. In India, Africa and part of Asia, the situation doesn’t seem to go away anytime soon.
Many couples are forced into early parenting just to satisfy society expectation of them without recourse to their personal happiness as couples. I know we live in a society, but should we always allow our society to determine the way we live our lives.
It’s pathetic to see some children roaming about aimlessly in certain part of the world without any form of education especially in the developing world-because the parents after giving birth to such innocent children abandoned these kids to their fates.
Now let look at the 6 reasons why early parenting is not helpful and why you need to delay having children too soon in your marriage.
1. EARLY PARENTING IS STRESSFUL
If you’ve been a parent before you would appreciate the enormous pressure the new members who join your family brings. Much as the coming of new-born babies are a welcome news, this joy is normally short-lived especially when the couples are not fully prepared to welcome their ‘new visitors’.
I sometimes feel like locking myself in my room when my four kids come back from school. Every one of them has something for you to pay attention to and you can’t get any time for yourself until they retire to bed in the evening. Every time you’ve something to take care of as a parent whether in their bedroom, hall and the kitchen at large. You need to have a big gut to be able to play your role effectively as a parent.
As a matter of fact, early parenting is not for everybody who is married.
2. EARLY PARENTING IS ABNORMALLY DEMANDING
The workload involved in making sure that the child is brought up in the right environment is something that can blow a parent mind in the beginning of the parental journey.
You’ve to get time to attend to the numerous demands that would be placed on you on continuous and daily basis. The kids must be bathed every day when they are young, their numerous dresses washed every day, their beds must be laid, and their homework must be supervised by you, their food prepared separately etc.
If you are not lucky to and you have a sick child, the task is compounded and you must fulfill all these obligations imposed on you by virtue of the fact that you are a parent. The question is: Who forced you to have a child when you are not prepared to father or mother a child too soon in the marriage?
3. EARLY PARENTING IS CAPITAL INTENSIVE
“You can’t tell how sweet a food is until you eat it yourself” So, you can’t really tell how much money you would incur as a way of taking care of a child until you start having one yourself.
Truth be told, the average cost of raising a child is so much involving that one needs to get fully prepared in order to venture into parenthood. The average cost may differ from city to city and country to country because the economic conditions are different from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
In fact, some of the quarrels between myself and my wife is as a result of money issues with regards to taking care of the needs of our four kids. Don’t kiddy yourself- You’ve to face it or leave it, parenting is not for the faint hearted.
4. EARLY PARENTING MAY LEAD TO DIVORCE
Because of the pressure early parenting brings into marriage, many of which are financial in nature, couples who are not prepared for this financial demand are likely to have money challenges they have to deal with and the attendance conflicts these may bring between husband and wife.
In my case the reoccurring of financial obligations placed on us as a result of these four kids nearly send my wife packing back to the parents due to unmet daily financial obligations.
We still quarrel from time to time as a result of issues that have to do with kids’ school fees, school learning materials such as text books, health services, feeding as well as clothing.
Once kids begin to surface, there will be financial needs that have to do with your kids’ upkeep and I must admit, these needs always create tension between me and my wife.
If you are not well prepared, never forced yourself to become a parent by mistake. If you do so, becoming an early parent will change your view negatively about marriage and for that matter parenting forever. Avoid the early parenting trap to save your marriage.
5. EARLY PARENTING MAY KILL ROMANCE IN THE MARRIAGE
What’s romance in the first place when there’s no love, affection, intimacy between the parties involved in the marriage institution?
Most relationship are merely existing in name because of the children involved in the marriage because there’s no more love holding the couples together. Couples are supposed to enjoy their relationship with or without kids in the marriage. Children are to add to the happiness of the couples and not to bring disharmony between the couples. However, the coming of kids in most marriages take the joy from the marriage because of the numerous financial obligations parents must fulfilled to prepare their children into adulthood.
My wife, Lizzy, got pregnant in the first year of our marriage of our marriage and the rest of her time is spent on raising the kids. Intimacy is non-existence in our marriage because all our efforts are geared towards the raising of the kids- Edwin 10, Christie 8, Nat 6 and Judith 4.
I write this post as an insider parent and to humbly caution would-be parents to consider the pros and cons and to fully prepare before deciding to have children. Because the coming of children can mar the beauty of the love you share together.
6. EARLY PARENTING MAY LEAD TO FREQUENT QUARREL BETWEEN THE COUPLES
We marry to have time for each other and to enjoy the company of one another. However, the early coming of children can destroy the bond between you and your partner especially if you are adequately prepared to welcome the new permanent family members.
Do you know some fathers left the home un-announced and abandoned their kids under the care of their mothers, because they can’t bear the demand placed on them by their partners with respect to the upkeep of their kids? Frequent quarrels and misunderstandings caused some women to lose their lives as a result of their husband’s inability to meet their responsibilities. Some are maimed and killed for their persistence nagging.
Get yourself financially, psychologically, materially and mentally prepared before deciding to have a child and be called a father or a mother
Take note of these six points when you are considering to become a parent. Don’t let becoming a parent creates problems in your marriage. If you are not prepared, never force yourself but hold on until such time both of you are convinced that you are ready for motherhood and fatherhood.