7 THINGS YOU HAVE TAKEN FOR GRANTED IN YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIP
1. Value Time
One problem of disagreement between me and my lovely wife is time management. She is not conscious of time. Time management is a big problem for most people especially some of our women folks. The day to leave for a program will be the day some women including my wife will be deciding what dress to wear.
Choosing a particular dress to wear can be confusing to most women. Don’t take time for granted in any aspect of your life. But know that time lost is never regained. Learn not to unnecessarily delay your partner when it is time to attend an important event. If you want to be successful, begin to respect time as a crucial commodity.
Respect each other’s time. Don’t allow the food to get cold unnecessary before coming home or appearing at odd hours for an event. The catch here is respect each other’s time since no time is more valuable than the other.
2. Be Patient
Patience is a necessity to the growth of any lasting relationship. If you want to grow with your spouse, learn to be patient. Impatience has robbed many people in many relationship. Challenging times will come to test you and your partner; to gauge your level of patience you have for each other.
Reflect over and over on any issues before deciding what action to take. When you are patient with your partner, you will understand his or her side of the issues. Patience will never make you take the wrong decision about your partner.
Don’t judge issue on the face value and be quick to make pronouncement. Your ability to be patient is a hallmark of a good wife or husband. Good wives remain calm and wait for the right time to come.
Abraham waited for a child and became the father of all nations. Zachariah and Elizabeth waited for a child. Had their son John not become the fore runner for Jesus Christ? No matter how the issue may appear, just be patient and wait for the right time to come. Nothing is permanent in life apart from change. Bad times will come in any relationship but remember just after any bad time, good times will follow because no condition is permanent
3. Be Organized
Thank God you have found somebody to share your moment of joy and worry with. It is time to keep things organized properly in the home. The house is now under your management. Take care of the house and its surroundings.
Be innovative and don’t allow things to go haywire without taking any responsibility.
Cleanliness they say is next to godliness. Continue to do what you used to do in the house to make it clean and lovely.
Do you know that you can create your own romantic environment in the house? Yes, you can do that and let the environment “speaks” (attract your partner) to you. You, the man should also assist your partner to take care of the house. Don’t look on when she is busy taking care of the house. Share part of the burden of getting things easily done in the house without one partner getting exhausted.
4. Avoid Gossip
Other people’s private issues or lives should not engaged your attention. You should use your time profitably devoid of petty gossip about your neighbor or your husband’s friend. You may latter regret saying unkind word or untrue thing about the person, because most issues that people gossip about are not based on facts.
A man was embarrassed when it turned out that the wife was the one who gossiped about the boss’s wife. The ‘woman’ and her partner all live in the same neighborhood and she went to do her hair in the same saloon the other woman also does her hair. When the issue got to the attention of the boss, it nearly resulted into the dismissal of the husband from the company.
It is not everybody you must have something to say about? If you do not have anything good to say, just keep quit. It will serve you a lot of trouble. Don’t embarrass your partner through your petty gossip.
5. Prayerlessness in the Marriage
I don’t know what you believe in but I can tell you that prayer does so many things in marriage. Why pray into the marriage? Because we are human. There are things we can’t control ourselves because of our limitation as human being. Pray into the marriage as often as possible if not every day.
Men women need women who can commit their relationship to the supreme God or the divine for the sustenance of the relationship. A prayerful partner is an anchor to the relationship. Most men are busy chasing one thing or the other forgetting their inner self has a need to connect to the Supreme Being on daily basis.
Unfortunately some women also forget to connect to their Maker on daily basis. Women out there pray your role like Esther, Abigail or Naomi as described in the Bible. These are women who interceded on behalf of their husbands and their countrymen and women. Stand in the gap for the family and pray for the family and your husband.
I know we are living in the material world but prayers cannot be substituted for anything. There are certain things that happen beyond our control and these things can be taken care of by a higher power outside your control. Whether you believe it or not you can’t control everything so far as you remain on earth as a mere mortal.
6. Stop Insult in the Relationship
Be angry and sin not. That is one of the statements in the bible that constantly keep me in check as a bible believer. I know women are emotional beings and can get overboard sometimes.
But let your mouth be filled with words of comfort and exultation. Raining insults on him because you are angry does not show any sign of emotional maturity and does not solve the problem you are angry about.
Sit your partner down and let him understand you are unhappy about certain things he did and may not even be aware-hurt you. Be different among the cohort of women and be an example to your daughters as well as your sons.
Remain calm and control your anger without insults. Don’t utter any word until you are calm enough to speak devoid of insults. As a woman take the insult of your spouse lightly and move on with him. See it as a way of releasing tension building up in him
7. Be Creative
I said relationship must be created on daily basis. Learn to do something romantic each day. Once in a while, particularly during weekends, prepare and serve his favorite meals in an entirely different way than he is used to.
Use new cups, plates, table clothes and mat. Add his favorite wine and flowers not forgetting that special music that can get both of you dancing off your feet.
If you do these things, it will make your man feel like a king. He will tell you some secrets he might not want you to be aware of. Your relationship is how you make it. If you want your relationship to flourish, do something to that effect.
Enjoy your day
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW YOU WILL KNOW
5 THINGS YOU MUST KNOW WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT
It’s good to have a desire to want to have children and settle with your spouse in a happy family life. However, everything is wrong when we failed to take note of these hard questions that would stare at your face once you settle in family life.
Your ability to ask yourself these 5 questions would go a long way to make you a better and a happy family.
1. ARE YOU READY FOR THE TASK A HEAD OF YOU AS A PARENT?
To a very large degree, once you want to become a parent, bear in mind that you have to put on the ‘sacrificial belt’. Now that you become a mum or a dad, you must know that you must always think of the wellbeing of the family first before considering yourself.
Are you really prepared to sacrifice everything for the family and go the extra mile to make things happen in the family? If you do, bravo, go ahead. You have my full backing.
Your family must come first in everything you do, henceforth. Your preoccupation is to ensure that the family is kept safe and nourished. No more personal decision without the input of your spouse. Gone are the days when you could take decision on your own and sometimes make very personal decisions, but now, No. You must look at the bigger picture this time round and factor in your family. Ask yourself this question: how would my plan affect the wellbeing of my immediate family. Is it good going ahead with the decision or suspend it altogether.
2. DO YOU STILL KEEP A SECRET LIFE?
Do you know to a large extent you have no secret to keep as a family person without making it known to your spouse? If you still issues to yourself without divulging it to your partner, then you must revise your note and put a stop to it.
You must also be aware that you can’t guarantee what may happen tomorrow, so the earlier you open up to your partner in the relationship with your partner the better for you.
Your very house is no longer for you alone but for all members of the household. Your wife and children are members of the household. You should endeavor to create space for interaction between all members of the household. Don’t withhold anything secret from your spouse. Your spouse should be the first to know whatever move you are making.
It is a big mistake to see married men or women who still want private life irrespective of their current marital status. This selfish attitude of married couples trying to maintain secret life from their spouses, has been one of the many causes of divorce, if the secret life comes out eventually. Please take note of the fact that you are no longer single and you must do things together if you want to succeed in your marriage.
3. ARE YOU PREPARED TO SEE THINGS SCATTER AND DISORGANIZED EVERYDAY?
I hear people who want their home to be neat and very clean and at the same time want to have children. Don’t deceive yourself. Once children start coming in, you must get prepared to see pieces of papers, crayons, pencils and cutleries scattered all over the place.
Your kids will be picking and scattering things all over the place in their formative years as they interact with their immediate environment, the home. Be prepared to keep on arranging things in the home as often as possible at this stage of your children’s growth.
See this stage as a stage when your children are learning from the environment. If you are the type who want to see things arranged properly and organized, you may be overwhelmed about their behaviors, but don’t be worried too much about this stage. Just relax and see it as a passing stage to adolescent life.
4. DO YOU WORRIED ABOUT YOUR SHAPE AS A WOMAN?
The hard truth is that about 90% of women who give birth never return to their original slim sexy shape again. Most women will lost their shape to child bearing. The hormonal changes that occur after a woman has given birth is attributed to so many factors including breastfeeding, antenatal and post natal drugs due to surgery, sedentary life of most breastfeeding women. Whatever the case may be, certain aspect of you will definitely change.
Mr. Husband, your wife will not be the same woman she was before marrying her. She will undergo changes as you welcome children into the home. Be ready to support her in this changing times. Some women become emotionally disturbed when they realized that they have lost their beautiful body shape. Accept the changes she will be going through and help her with exercises for them to adjust.
According to babycenter (www.babycenter.com) the adrenal gland that secrets hormones for the body often become fatigue after month of sleep deprivation and producing milk for the body.
Jennifer Ritchie, (www.thebump.com) IBCLC and author of I Make Milk…What’s Your Superpower? Advice breastfeeding women to take these simples steps to lose weight:
1. Don’t pressure yourself
2. Make savvy substitution
3. Set yourself up for success
4. Eat smaller, more frequent meals
5. Cut calories-but not too much
. Work in exercise and
7. Keep at it
If you are not yet ready to accept this reality check, then think again about your decision to become a parent.
5. ARE YOU READY TO FACE CHALLENGING TIMES?
Every marriage is unique and goes through specific challenges. Your marriage cannot be different. You should accept the challenges as they come and deal with them as couple. Marriage is a long journey and not a football game with a time frame of 90 minutes. You must develop a thick skin and subdue self to the background.
Running to your mum or dad should be the last thing to do. So many factors are claimed to be responsible for the high divorce rate across the globe. I have also identified these ten (10) reasons as contributing to divorce in our marriages.
1. Breakdown of trust due to infidelity
2. Disrespect for each other
3. Too much of ‘I know my rights’ in the marriage
4. Pride and arrogance
5. Unwillingness to submit to each other
6. Inadequate money for maintenance
7. External influence from friends, in laws and the social media
8. Lack of headship in the home.
9. Un-appreciation on the part of both spouses
10. Criticism, where the man or the woman is not satisfied with anything.
These 10 are my research findings after 15 years of studying divorces filed in the court and my personal interactions with couples who have separated or divorced.
Guide your marriage if you are a born again believer of Jesus Christ through prayer. Don’t join the list of divorcees.
If you can get 4 out of 5 the five questions above then you can become a responsible parent or you are a responsible parent, congratulations.
Share your experience with me and give me what is missing on the list. Send me an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
BUILDING A HEALTHY FAMILY LIFE IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE
Most of the issues we faced in our day-today interactions with our partners are things we can handle with our partners provided we’re ready to adopt a little common sense in our dealings with our partners.
These issues are not new to us but our failure to come to the stack reality that they matter to the people we are dealing with dent us from enjoying healthy and long lasting relationship.
Find below the 8 common sense approach to building a healthy relationship with men
COMMON SENSE 1-Failure to Keep Encouraging Him
We all have ups and downs at certain periods in our journey to success. It can be a very difficult road to travel. Discouragement can set in, leading to frustration and disappointments in an attempt to achieve life success. This period in anybody’s life especially men can be very challenging and frustrating.
Most men can give up easily if they don’t have the self-discipline to continue forging ahead. This is the moment men need their partner to come on board to encourage their partners to continue all the good things they have started. Your encouragement will serve as a morale booster for them.
Men need this encourage as much as men encourage women to press on. Even if they failed by not taking your advice, don’t discourage them in their new adventure. No one knows which of their exploits will succeed one day. Successful people are not without mistakes, but they are they are able to overcome their mistakes until they reach at nothing but success.
Your Words are powerful, use them wisely. God formed the earth by his spoken words. Learn to choose your words carefully. Encourage him with positive words as much as possible. Know that you will be part of his success equation. You have the power to build a healthy relationship if you choose to do so
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 2-Failure to Be Humble
I am not saying be humble so that your partner would look mean upon you. No madam! But, The Bible says wives should submit to their own husbands and husbands should love their wives. What do you make out of date. Relationship is not fighting for equality but living in peace with your partner.
You can’t respect your friends and colleagues at work and come home to do the opposite. Many career women are submissive to their managers at work but disrespect their own husband at home. No matter the economic status of your husband, humble yourself to him. Showing humility does not make you a fool, it is admonition from the bible.
No sensible man in his right sense will disrespect any woman who demonstrates humility before him. Don’t follow the so called women’s right and do otherwise. You can get whatever you want from a man by being humble. Pride they say, goes before a fall. Run from pride and exhibit humility towards him at all times and build a healthy relationship with him.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 3-Failure to Make Him Comfortable
Do not create problems at home. Some women have made the home uncomfortable for their husbands to an extent that the men don’t feel like coming home after work. Their attitudes at home makes the men take solace elsewhere than their own homes. If you belong to these groups of women I encourage you change your behavior towards your own husband.
Have you created a lovely atmosphere in the home for him to miss home anytime he is out of the house? Something about you might be chasing him out of the house. May be true and maybe not.
But whatever the case may be. Reexamine your attitudes toward him again. Create something unique that will make your husband want to come home after he closes from work. Don’t allow other things to be his second partner after work.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 4-Failure to Make Him Happy
Evidences have shown that most men die from stress related diseases than women. The two reports I have read connect men’s stress related ailments to risky adventure of men, unfulfilled dreams, bad businesses, unstable relationships and family pressures to some extent.
In conclusion, the reports recommended to men to take vacation at least once in the year. What this mean is that you have to ensure the right home atmosphere for him.
I hope you do not want your husband to die and leave you and your children behind. That is the reason why you need to make him happy. Sex relaxes the muscles of men and makes them sleep well. Do not deny him sex if he requested for it. Create the enabling condition in the home to make him happy at all times and he would likewise do same to you.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 5-Failure to Show Affection to Him
You must always thought of your husband everyday with affection as he does for you. Remember how much you were in love with him during your courtship time. It is important to bring back some of the things that made you want to see each other every day.
Learn to write a poem and deposit it into his pocket or wallet. Hug and kiss him as much as possible. Let him feel the fondness in every aspect of your life. Men also want affection just like women.
Don’t hide your affection towards him. Demonstrate it and let him know about it. It will not make him slip out of your hand into other women. Because he gets all the satisfaction a man may desire from a woman at home.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 6-Failure To Look Sexy And Romantic
All the genders are visually sensitive but men more sexually active when visually attractive women cross their way. Men easily give up when what they see is attractive to their eyes. I think the creator made it so to enable men locate men chase after what they want. When it comes to dressing do not compromise at all.
Make your dressing appeal to him as if you are still in the dating mood. Whether you like it or not you will not be the most attractive woman in the area you live. There are girls and women who are beautiful and dress elegantly well than you.
Every man turns to look at a beautiful woman once or twice when he sees one. Some women once married stop dressing romantically and stop being sexy. They think it does not matter anymore. It does matter to us as men. If you leave yourself anyhow before him all the time, women that he sees everyday can easily attract him.
Do you know office romance is still real and happening every now and then? Let him know that you match any type of woman he sees every day. Try as much as possible to appear neat, attractive and sexy.
COMMON SENSE APROACH 7-Failure to Associate With Women Achievers
As I indicated earlier a praying wife is a jewel to the husband. Your prayer life can go a long way to save the man from unforeseen difficulties and problems. The friends you choose can influence you positively or negatively. Make friends with other women you share the same faith with. Join them to pray for the family especially your husband. Jesus who is omnipotent pray at all times.
He urged us to pray without ceasing. Your prayer can save your husband from falling ‘flat’ for anything in skirt who calls herself a woman. We are human and full of weaknesses. Prayer defends what we cannot defend ourselves. Your prayer would go a long way to save your husband from various temptations.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 8-Failure to Show that you Care
We all want to receive care and affection from someone. It tells us what somebody thinks of us. Our Savior and Master Jesus Christ commanded us to owe nobody anything except love.
The small things you do for him can tell him your level of care and affection you have for him. Even though men are supposed to demonstrate and show more care to women, never fail to also exhibit to him that you care.
When he is not well how do you respond to him? How do you treat him before other people? Do you make him feel special and valued? It’s something you must do every day. In fact, it appears as if some women take their husbands for granted in the relationship as the years go on. Do what is right and best even if he fails to appreciate them. Look up to God and He would strengthen you to overcome all difficulties.
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 9-Failure to Manage His Money Well
Money is the blood line and sweat of everybody. That is why people do all manner of things to acquire and possess money. The men who possess cash command their environment and the people around them. Your husband works very hard for his money. Do not joke with his money. Handle the money he gives you with all seriousness.
Some women are not diligent when it comes to handling money. They assumed after all the money belongs to their husband and can be used by them anyhow. Money made some lovely relationship to end because a partner didn’t handle money properly.
Let be honest when it comes to money. If for any reason you think otherwise why the money cannot be used for what he suggested, tell him. Do not use the money on a different thing before telling him what you used his money for. It makes ‘men mad’. Try to avoid this temptation and live in harmony with your partner
COMMON SENSE APPROACH 10-Failure to Help Him Deal with His Problem
We all have a problem at one time or the other. You are not just anybody but a partner to support his ambitions and goals in life. You are to add direct or indirect value to his life aspirations. Don’t just assume the role of a wife and sit there and watch things unfold.
Some women are not assertive enough to offer any real value to their partners. They relegate their creative powers to the background. Your husband could be a professor but he does not know all things. He may need help at times.
Your vigilant eye could detect a loop hole in a business venture he wants to undertake. Pressure at work may sometimes blindfold men not to see through things carefully with a ‘second eye’. That is where you come in handy with your views, suggestions and advice. Make yourself relevant to him and let him value your timely opinions.
Building a happy and healthy relationship is not rocket science but common sense in approaching issues that come up in our relationship. Revise the 9 points again to build a lasting relationship.
A Warm and friendly as well as happy relationship has been the dream of everyone who enters a relationship. The beginning of most relationship is like a fanfare- where couples or partners pay close attention to each other and treat one another with ultimate care and love.
However as the relationship travels, some negative attitudes are likely to rear its ugly head. Prominent among such behaviors, typical of men include but not limited to the following
1. IMPOSITION OF THEIR WILL ON WOMEN
The control of men is not only limited to the world stage but some men extend that dominance to their family life as well as the home. Most men prefer their wives to be mere consumers of information rather than being active participant of the decision making process at home.
Men refusal to allow their partners the freedom to engage them in discussion with regards to whatever decision they bring to the table is very worrisome even in this 21st century.
No matter your level of education or status in the society, don’t impose your decision on your spouse and expect prompt response from her. Don’t turn the home to be like master servant relationship. Such controlled relationship never last longer and it’s a potential recipe for relationship failure.
Bring your ideas to the table for discussion. By so doing, you open the space for broader consultation between you and your partner before the implementation of your idea. I hope you want a harmonious and healthy relationship. Create a level playing field in your home and not dictatorship.
2. FAILURE TO HAVE TIME FOR THEIR SPOUSES
If you can’t get time for your partner after she has committed herself to you, you don’t have any business getting in there in the first place.
Some men are behaving like visitors in their home. They are always going somewhere, leaving their partners all alone in the home. This bizarre attitude by some men irritate women and should not be part of your marriage life.
Everybody knows she married or engaged to you, so, other people who might be interested in her would not show up again. Don’t tight her hand and put her into prison by confining her in the home alone while you go out and have fun.
When you both come back from work, don’t be in a hurry to go out. Have time for each other and share common interest that would advance the relationship. Don’t do things that would make your partner go cold towards you. Don’t do these silly things men do in their relationship
3. CHASING AFTER OTHER WOMEN BESIDES THEIR WIVES
As a matter of fact, it may get to a point in one’s relationship where the urge to cheat on your partner may rear its ugly head. When this urge comes, muster the courage and refuse to listen to your emotion to chase other women, who possess the same physical attributes like her.
Women, for that matter your partner can’t be changed like your panties or shoes from time to time. When you go gallivanting with other women, you render her useless- by your behavior you are telling her she hasn’t got what it takes to keep a man.
Many women who found themselves in this situation ended up becoming depressed leading some of them into the psychiatric hospital –for this negative men attitude that have so much impact on women who are so committed to their relationships.
What do other women have that your partner doesn’t have? If you found something you don’t like about her, tell her to correct them, but don’t chase other women besides her. It’s so disrespectful to her. Avoid this silly men behavior in your relationship
4. FAILING TO TAKE YOUR PARTNER’S ADVICE
I am the man, the head of the family, I give orders to be obeyed. Here they go again sounding the same trumpet that their great grandfathers sound in the medieval age some 800 years ago. There’s a wise saying that “there’s no institution above counsel” This means that nobody can say he or she is know it all without any advice or counsel. Even institutions as well as companies have special advisors on their boards.
This men ego thing has hindered a lot of men from accepting genuine advices and counselling from their wives. I was once a victim for not taking advice from my wife and I have to pay dearly for that singular act.
Don’t feel too proud to listen and take advice from your partner. She might see a head of you and identify certain things that you have turn your blind eye to.
5. BEHAVING SOMETIMES LIKE BABIES
It’s told that when a man is sick he wants the wife to give him 100% attention and care but when the woman is sick, she is expected to do her household chores and put herself together quickly.
A lady came to inform the boyfriend’s wife about certain huge investment that the man made without informing the legitimate wife about the deal. The said girlfriend felt the man was selfish, greedy and wicked, having observed from a distance how industrious the man’s wife was.
A twenty year old girl has been able to deceive her 50 year boyfriend, a senator in one the countries and took away his 50,000$ from his account. If this is not childish, then what else can be used to describe it? A woman may not allow herself to be deceived by her 20 year old boyfriend to give away such a colossal amount of money. You can see why women think men sometimes behave like babies.
6. ESSESSIVE DRINKING OF ALCOHOL
Don’t be offended if you are a heavy drinker of the liquid substance. However the truth be told that anyone who takes solace in alcoholic beverages is sick and ought to seek medical attention to deal with the problem. Take it or leave it, scientific studies have shown in various reports about how we destroy certain part of our organs when we become addicted to its consumption.
The over indulgence in alcohol is bad for you and your partner and ought to be addressed immediately. The stench from your mouth and your negative behaviors would make your spouse go cold towards you, there’s no magic about.
My late dad passed on due to alcohol, even though he was not a heavy drinker, he was warned by doctors not to take the substance because of certain health problem he has, he disobeyed and went to his early grave.
It’s my fervent hope that you would deal with these 6 silly negative attitudes that men exhibit which drive their partners away from them.
IT’S ONLY A FOOL WHO CAN’T CHANGE HIS OR HER MIND
- Unfaithfulness To Your Partner
The issue of faithfulness is so dear to everybody in any committed relationship. Statistics about marital unfaithfulness is becoming a big issue across the globe.
Whatever the case may be or the reasons people give for these unfortunate lifestyles, there are indications that the trend is on the increase worldwide.
Infidelity statistics revealed interesting findings
Build trust along the way. Fulfill becoming unfaithful. You are not in competition with each other and cannot justify equality for wrong doing as the trending is pointing to.
Unfaithfulness in relationship has been one of the causes of divorce and separation in most relationship. Don’t allow the temptation to cheat on your partner destroy the relationship you have built over the years. Avoid contact with persons tempting you to cheat on your partner. Remember you are not only faithful to him but God Almighty as well. Above all, learn to let go when your partner “repent” from his or her bad ways.
- Don’t Be Too Difficult to Be Understood
Things may be difficult sometimes in your relationship. But hold on a little while without becoming too difficult to understand your partner. This is not the time for blame game and it’s neither the time to say discouraging things to your partner
You can’t always get whatever you want in a relationship. Learn to appreciate the difficulty and relax for things to normalize.
Men need women who will understand them in times like this. This is the time for you to stand by him. Give him a shoulder for him to cry on. He needs your support in times like this. Men also need to give attention to their spouses to understand them during the transition period especially when the relationship is new.
Sometimes, it is really difficult for partners in a relationship to understand each other and move along peacefully. Study your partner to know him inside out so as to avoid the frequent quarrel in the relationship. Read John Gray’s book (1992)- Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
This is a book written by American author and relationship counsellor, you might get some inspiration to keep you going.
Please let go of the ego and focus on your partner rather than yourself.
- Unwillingness to Forgive Him His Mistakes
The scripture tells us: “we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. (Roman 3:23) All religion that I know of, talk about forgiveness and emphasized people to let go of whatever wrongs that have been done to them.
The more you keep the issue, the more you hurt yourself. We can’t overstress the issue of forgiveness in this book because the issue of forgiveness has received much attention in many book stores across the world.
What is the level of mistake your partner has committed that you cannot forgive? Forgiveness is a divine duty we must all adhere to. The Christian Bible in Romans 3 makes it clear that we are all sinners and did not deserve the mercies of God but, Christ through his precious blood forgive us.
Look up to Jesus and let go or look at a higher power you believe in to help you forgive your partner no matter how hurtful or disappointed you are.
We are to emulate our Lord Jesus Christ no matter how the offences were. Your partner is first and foremost human and may have his short comings. He is not a super perfect being and can easily hurt you or make mistakes. Get the issues out of your heart.
By keeping the issue inside your heart, you weaken your soul and spirit. Un-forgiveness can kill you eventually if you continue to give the issue prominence in your heart. Let our Lord Jesus Christ or a higher power be your perfect example. Jesus Christ forgave his accusers even on the cross.
Use your forgiving attitude to win your partner back to you. Nelson Mandela and Mother Theresa are a few examples to emulate when it comes to forgiveness. Emulate them and forgive each other unconditionally.
- Out of Fashion Dressing
I have noticed sometimes in our marriage that my wife, Lizzy, stops dressing smartly as she used to do. I called her to remind her that she is still the woman of my heart and must maintain that standard.
A lot of women soon forget that there is something special about them that attracts the men to them. Do NOT assumed that once you become the Mrs. of the house, you should ceased dressing to attract him.
Remember that men are visual persons; they are moved by what appeals to their eyes. Your inability to continue to dress fashionably and sexily will drive him into other women’s arm.
Every man has a weakness in that area. Sampson in the Bible was attracted to Delilah even though the parents warned him against marrying from the tribe of Dan. But Sampson could not resist the beauty of the woman. That led to his destruction. It can happen to anybody. Your partner is no exception. Men out there, make your partner proud by the way you support her to dress. Let her feel that she is lucky to have you as her man. Buy her the kind of clothes or dresses you prefer her to wear.
- Value His Time
One problem of disagreement between me and my lovely wife is time management. She is not conscious of time. Time management is a big problem for most people especially some of our women folks. The day to leave for a program-that will be the day some women including my wife will be deciding what dress to wear.
Choosing a particular dress to wear can be confusing to most women. Don’t take time for granted in any aspect of your life. But know that time lost is never regained. Learn not to unnecessarily delay your partner when it is time to attend an important event. If you want to be successful, begin to respect time as a crucial commodity. If you know you problem about time start early, it’s always to plan ahead.
Respect each other’s time. Don’t allow the food to get cold unnecessary before coming home or appearing at odd hours for an event. The catch here is respect each other’s time since no time is more valuable than the other.
Enjoy your Sunday
IF YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR FEARS ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR YOU TO ACHIEVE IN LIFE
Whenever you find yourself doubting how far you can go, just remember how far you’ve come. Remember everything you have faced, all the battles you’ve won and all the fears you’ve overcome.
Think of what author of bestselling books, too numerous to count, Brain Tracy says “the history of the human race is a history of ordinary people who have overcome their fears and accomplished extra ordinary things.
1. FEAR DISEMPOWER YOU TO TAKE THE NECESSARY ACTION
Many people with great talents, potentials, skills and abilities, out of fear, wallow in abject poverty for their inability to free themselves from the bondage of fear. Do we all get caught up in the web of fear? Yes, we do as a result of our past failures, what we hear others say, what the media feed and the newspapers including news from our TVs are discussing.
The day I decided to take full responsibility of my life and stop apportioning blame, the way becomes clear-Ask me why? I begin to identify all the talents, experiences, knowledge and education within me that I can utilize for not only towards my success but the success of others.
It took me several years to identify that. I realized that I was pretending to be comfortable in my small comfort zone, accepting paycheck month after month. A mentor of mine called me one day and told me “enough of the education, take your destiny into your own hand” and added that “the greatest tragedy in life is not death but a life without purpose” Did you get that my sister, brother, father and mother?
What is keeping you waiting? The month of March has shown its beautiful and ugly faces. If you’ve not started anything yet, start now? We’ve moved along way to the knowledge market place, where the person who reads and updates his or her knowledge regularly can identify what part he or she can play in order to fit into the market place and benefit from it.
Until you take action by overcoming self-imposed fear, nothing is going to change in the midst of the abundance of wealth and riches circulating around you. What’s your life purpose? Look within you closely and reflectively and take note of what you can do to create the kind of life you’ve imagined all these while. You will never know what could come out of your exploit, until you master the courage to move towards your goal by overcoming the limiting belief of yourself.
Don’t allow fear to limit you from going after what you want in life. I want to challenge you to wake up and start running with your ideas. Start now. Register that business, accept to date again or accept that proposal to find love again, take that initiative now because there’s no such thing like ideal and perfect time. The perfect time is what you make of the time.
2. FEAR COULD TAKE AWAY YOUR CREATIVITY
Fear could take away your creativity. If I tell you, you are creative in one way or the other, would you believe it? So, why are you not able to utilize the creative powers within you for your own good and the good of others? Because you allow fear to shield what is hidden inside you.
My wife loves everything about fabrics and sewing and can take a cursory look at someone at a distance and sew a beautiful dress for the person.
Fear has tormented a number of people from taking decision in life because they hold the view that other people are better off than them-thus hindering their own success in life. Do you know most of the fears you have are self-inflicted.
Studies have shown that most of the fears people claimed to have never occur in their life time but exist only in their imagination. So, why do you allow fear to control your life and prevent you from actually doing and achieving what you are created for? If you replace your fears with success and achievement, you would become what you’ve been thinking off and imagining every day, it’s just a matter of time for you to actualize and achieve what you’ve purpose in life.
3. WORRIES AND ANXIETY CAN SHORTENED YOUR LIFESPAN ON EARTH.
If you live your life in constant fear and worries, you risk the chance of compromising your health. According to taking charge of your health, fears and worries poses four critical health problem to you.
- Physical health. Fear weakens our immune system and can cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems such as ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome, and decreased fertility. It can lead to accelerated ageing and even premature death.
- Memory. Fear can impair formation of long-term memories and cause damage to certain parts of the brain, such as the hippocampus. This can make it even more difficult to regulate fear and can leave a person anxious most of the time. To someone in chronic fear, the world looks scary and their memories confirm that.
- Brain processing and reactivity. Fear can interrupt processes in our brains that allow us to regulate emotions, read non-verbal cues and other information presented to us, reflect before acting, and act ethically. This impacts our thinking and decision-making in negative ways, leaving us susceptible to intense emotions and impulsive reactions. All of these effects can leave us unable to act appropriately.
- Mental health. Other consequences of long-term fear include fatigue, clinical depression, and PSTD. (www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/impact-fear-and-anxiety)
I want you to know that there’s no point in subjecting your life to constant worries in this day and time when any information you are looking for is just a click away from your room. Be courageous to tell yourself that you can make it in life irrespective of where you find your life at the moment and what you are going through in life. If you are reading this post it means you are far ahead of more than 70% of the world population- that didn’t have the privilege to access the internet.
4. FEAR MAKES US UNHAPPY AND MISIRABLE IN LIFE
A man was shown sympathy by the boss with fairly good amount of money for the wife to start a small business to complement the income of the man because of his dedication and commitment to work as a security officer -who takes charge of the premises after the company has close for the day’s work.
Surprisingly, he turn down the offer with the explanation that “he fears big money and wasn’t sure the wife can run any business without incurring loses” The fears of handling money has crippled this man to take action to change his life.
What do you think is your greatest fear and what have done so far to overcome the problem? What you fear will not just vanish until you do something about the fear. Get more information about what you are afraid of and learn more about how others have been able to overcome the problem. But don’t allow fear to hold you down. Take action today and overcome the fear with courage.
5. FEAR MAKES US SUSPICIOUS ABOUT EVERYTHING
Are you among people who are always afraid of venturing into the night, board an airplane, walk on the stairs, take a lift, afraid to make new friends, afraid of losing your spouse or boyfriend etc.
You are not alone- A 2012 Gallup poll of 31 countries found that less than half of adults surveyed reported feeling unsafe walking alone at night.
Fear is part of the human life but it can be overcome when we are exposed to new evidence-which will help us to discard our old information that is limiting us from making any headway in life.
In sum anybody can overcome his or her fear when the person has taken full control of his or her life. You should know that fear is not a friend and should be entertained as part of your thinking. Overcome your fear with courage and boldness. Discard any thought of fear with success and happiness.
IS YOUR ATTITUDE DRIVING HIM AWAY FROM YOU?
No one says relationship should be a bed of roses neither should it be problem free in any sense of imagination. And so far as we live and interact with our partners on daily basis, we are likely to do one thing or the other that can upset them.
But, my focus for discussion is some of the things we do deliberately and purposefully with the intention of making our partners angry and unhappy in our relationship while we go complaining of the negative attitude of our partners
1. FAILURE TO CREATE A HAPPY HOME ENVIRONMENT
I hope you do not want your husband or partner to die and leave you and your children behind so early. That is the reason why you need to make him happy by creating a happy home environment that will compel him to come home as soon as he closes from work.
Learn how to massage him at least once in the mouth, preferably during the weekend. Treat him with new freaky sexual styles you are comfortable with and which will also make him go ballistic on you.
Sex is an antidote which calm the nerves of men and makes them sleep well as well as become sober and reflective. Do not deny him sex if he requested for it. As a matter of fact you’ve what it takes to “control” your man to do your wish at all time if you know what to do as a woman.
Create the enabling condition in the home to make him happy at all times by avoiding attitude that will drive him crazy away from home.
2. FAILURE TO CONTINUE TO SHOW HIM AFFECTION
Do men also need affection you asked? Yes, they do need affection just as women need it but the ego of men makes them shield theirs unlike women.
It is important to bring back some of the things that made you want to see him passionately each day. You’ve stop sending him romantic text messages. He has come to the conclusion that you no longer care about him.
You stopped hugging and kissing him affectionately as you use to do. Let him feel the fondness in every area of your life towards him. Oh! Men also want affection just like women.
Don’t hide your affection towards him. Demonstrate it and let him know about it. It will not make him slip out of your hand into other women. Because he gets all the satisfaction a man may desire from a woman at home.
A pastor of a well-established church went off his way and fell into the arms of a flirt. Even though the woman was said to be flirtatious in all her ways, the pastor may be getting something the wife was not giving him, hence his drifting to the other woman.
I am not justifying the wrong act of the pastor in question but I want to encourage our ladies to do their best not to drive their men to take romantic refuge in other women’s home instead of their own homes.
3. FAILURE TO BE TRUTHFUL AND LOYAL TO HIM
Truth be told that Lies destroy any type of relationship and friendship. Don’t allow the situation you find yourself forced you to cover up any vital issues from him. Be truthful because your personal integrity before your partner will always come to the fore.
Let your husband stand by you for what you stand for. Admit your mistake by telling the truth. It is in your own interest to remain truthful all the time. Your relationship needs that ingredient for happy coexistence. If telling your husband the truth could cause the marriage to break up, I always say, tell the truth and set your conscience free.
Remain loyal to your partner no matter the difficulty you are facing in the marriage. I am not talking about remaining in abusive relationship because you want to be loyal to him but when it’s in your power to be truthful do just that.
4. YOU FAILED THESE DAYS TO CONNECT WITH HIM INTIMATELY
If the chemistry in the relationship is no longer existing or put on hold, most men unlike women, who may endure the discomfort for some time, may go looking for the fulfillment of that need from other women.
I know your husband or partner could have wrong you in one way or the other but settle issues quickly and resume normal intimacy with him. Don’t go overboard to drive your partner out of the house.
You have the power to tame your man by the way treat him. Be smart and intelligence to get your way right with men and get what you want from him.
5. FAILURE TO DRESS ROMANTIC AND LOOK SEXY FOR HIM
Men are visually sensitive when they see certain things of women. Men easily give up when they see beautifully shaped women with sexy breasts, smooth and attractive faces, sexy legs, hips etc. At that moment, most men would allow their sexual emotions to appeal to them irrespective of their marital status. I think God made men like that, so that, they can get attracted to the opposite sex and have a relationship with them.
Make your dressing appeal to him as if you are still dating him. Whether you like it or not you will not be the most attractive woman in the area you live. There are girls and women who are more beautiful and dress better than you. So don’t dress any how and think your husband is a saint.
Every man turns to look at a beautiful woman once or twice when he sees one. So, be the beautiful girl for your husband by your appearance both in and outside the house.
Dress to tell your story and let your appearance send a message to him.
6. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE THAT YOU CAN BE WRONG AND SAY I AM SORRY
‘I didn’t get it right’ is a sign of deep maturity and demonstrate your readiness to establish peace and draw you closer to your partner.
Many problems in relationships could be solved if we summon the courage to say I am sorry, forgive me. If your partner fails to forgive you, you have played your part before man and God.
Even, when you are right; for the sake of peace, just go ahead to say sorry in order not to prolong the conflict between the two of you. It appears we allow pride to rule over our conscience. It does not take anything from you as a person when you apologize. Your refusal to say it may suggest you are not respectful to him.
You should understand the thinking of men. Don’t destroy your relationship for your refusal to use this 2 letter words, I am sorry. Be humble enough to tell your partner you are sorry. Do it from a sincere heart and don’t continue to repeat what triggers the offense in the first place.
7. YOU ARE NO MORE LOVELY
Once upon the time your partner sees you as a lovely and caring partner. But what has changed in the way you approach and handle him.
If you treat him anyhow, it will not be long before he will start avoiding you. Do you know that if your partner is not happy you can’t pretend to be happy either in the relationship? You must be the lovely lady that he knows you to be so that you can continue to be dear to his heart.
Take a second look at these 7 awful things that women do; which can drive men away from them and revise your relationship note with your partner.
98 ROMANTIC TURN ON KEYS FOR MEN
This is a digital product I have been working diligently on for the past 10 years: to gather all the issues men are passionate about in their relationship that women ought to discover about men for happy and long lasting relationship
IF YOU FAILED THESE THREE THINGS, YOU CAN’T HAVE A COMPLETE LIFE
3 THINGS YOU MUST PURSUE IN LIFE JUST LIKE CHRISTIANS HOPE FOR HEAVEN
There are so many things competing everybody’d attention, from the UN security council, looking for ways to find peace between the people of Palestine and the Jewish people in Israel. Even though we all have varying life goals and aspirations competing for our attention, these three essential things must concern you- so far as you are alive and continue to exist during the duration of your journey on earth.
If you failed to achieve these three important things in life you can’t have a complete and fulfilling life life on earth.
What are these 3 things that the super-rich, multi-millionaires and the wealthy are mindful very mindful of but ignored by the have not and the ordinary people on earth?
1. FAILURE TO PURSUE ACQUISITION OF WEALTH
Don’t pretend money doesn’t mean anything to you. If you are really honest and truthful to yourself, you will come to the realization that more than 70% of your thinking is centered on money issues -whether to buy a new home, embark on that long vacation you’ve been planning for some years now, change that your old car to a latest one, upgrade your education & skills, move to a better neighborhood or city, start your own business, visit your parents and in-laws more regularly than you are doing now etc. all have the same denominator-money.
Since the liquid cash is the connector of all these things, you must develop your ability, skills, knowledge, talents or whatever to possess these convertible liquid cash- to be able to actualize these dreams of yours. People don’t really care about how much wisdom you have and how much you care about people in your heart.
So far as we are living in the material world, people would judge you by the material possessions you have acquired. Surprisingly, many people are not too much concern about how you acquired your wealth but your ability to possess it-period.
There’s a verse in the bible that says “the LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7b)
So far as we remain human on earth, your family, your friends, your spouse, your own children, church members, fellow coworkers etc. would judge you based on the wealth you possess. The type of car you drive, the house you live in, the dress you wear, the neighborhood you live in etc. would go a long way to tell people your financial status in life.
Unlike the supreme God who would assess you by the kind of heart you have towards your fellow beings, people will look at what you’ve to give you respect or otherwise.
You can also read 7 REASONS WHY EVERY MAN SHOULD CONSIDER BECOMING A MILLIONAIRE
Whether you are a Christian, Moslem, Buddhist, Atheist or not, you ought to as a duty to pursue some time tested strategies to acquire wealth and live your dream life on earth before you are called back to glory.
The Microsoft founder made a profound statement one day that keeps my adrenalin working hard to acquire wealth-because it’s within my power to acquire wealth and so shall you also. Mr. Gates said” If you are born poor, don’t blame yourself but if you die poor blame yourself”. True and True, unless you are living in a different planet to disbelief this statement from such a great man, who possesses almost a quarter of the world’s wealth.
Even in the Christian denominations worldwide, the poor are not regarded as integral part of the churches but men of economic power call the shot and most of them are given positions of prominence in our churches. What money can do, this write up may not be enough to pen them all. Wealth acquisition is one of the things you should pursue as a matter of right. You owe that right to yourself-Pursue it relentlessly.
You can also Read my article on 9 WAYS MEN’S FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES AFFECT THEIR MARITAL STABILITY AND HARMONY AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHALLENGE
2. FAILURE TO PURSUE HEALTHY LIFE
What does it profit you, if you acquired all the wealth you’ve plan for but failed to live in good health to enjoy your labor as the case may be. The rich are becoming conscious of what they eat, drink and avoid anything that wouldn’t help them to live long life-to enjoy their accumulated wealth.
It appears many low people live their lives carelessly without looking at the implications of the future consequences of their lifestyle today. There are lifestyle changes you’ve got to make if you realize that it will bring you problems to your health in the future. People spend a significant portion of their money on health and some of them have to live with the consequences until they kick the bucket and go back to their maker.
Don’t joke with your health today because you are up and going and for that matter you don’t see the need to make lifestyle adjustment about your health. Remember some of the effects on your system are irreversible and the earlier you pay attention to your health the better.
The following are some health tit bits you can adopt to prolong your life and enhance your wellbeing.
- Eat enough walnut for better memory and brain function
- Take less soda products and take more water instead
- Take less alcohol and take more green tea
- Take less sugar and eat more fruits rather
- Eat less meat and take more vegetable in its place
- Do less driving and engage in more walking
- Worry less and have more sleep
- Avoid anger in your life and laugh more everyday
- Talk less about your problems and take more actions
Do you know that nature designed us in a way that we must walk always by pressing our pressure point under our feet, thus keeping these organs activated all the time? Daily walking prevents fat deposition and maintain normal blood circulation. If you think you’ve no time to exercise, you will soon find time to nurse your illness.
Let’s examine the benefits of walking:
- Improves your mood
- Relieves back pain
- Reduces hip fracture
- Lowers the risk of blood clot
- Reduces the load on other joints
- Ward of glaucoma
- Lowers blood pressure and the risk of heart attack
- Strengthens arm muscles
- Keeps your joint lubricated
- Helps you lose weight
- Reduces stress
- Lower blood pressure
- Reduces the risk of many chronic disease
Souce: Melina B. Jamnolis MD
Regular walks is one of the best and easiest things you can do for your health. Do it now
Eat enough of the following common vegetables:
- Onions-contain fiber and folic acid, a B vitamin that helps the body make new cells
- Grapes are excellent for your lung
- Tomato is good for your heart
- Carrot is good for the eye
- Fresh cabbage
Do you know it’s now very possible to live beyond 90 years with advance in science and technology? But wait a minute. You’ve a part to play to guarantee your own health
3. PURSUE RELATIONSHIP
If you are successful in the two essentials of life- wealth acquisition and adoption of healthy lifestyle, the next equally important thing about your life is your relationship with family and friends.
You can’t enjoy your wealth you have acquired in isolation. You would need people around you to celebrate your success with you. That’s why it’s important to maintain healthy relationship with your spouse as well as your children.
Many successful people in businesses failed to be successful in their relationship with their families. I think relationship should be prioritize above the two earlier mentioned. The pathetic thing in life is that when you are no more, people would spend your wealth in your absence, so, why don’t you nurture a healthy relationship with those who will inherit you when you are no more.
Revise your relationship with your first family and make yourself available to integrate yourself in the family. Don’t pursue wealth at the expense of your family. Wealth and health can go bad but your family will always be there for you, so, think again about your relationship with your family.
We’ve been able to discuss these three essentials of life: wealth, healthy life and healthy relationship with family and friends. These three things are so important that you can’t do away with any one of them. You need the three to live a comfortable life. Pursue all and don’t compromise on any one of them.
Enjoy your week and let get in touch again on Wednesday
IF YOU HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY ABOUT SOMEBODY YOU BETTER SHUT UP FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
Whether we admit it or not, there’s gossip everywhere-from the clergy to discuss sex abuse among some Vatican officials to Donald Trump- to discuss his unpredictable global leadership style as a president of the United States of America.
We all find ourselves in the web of gossip at one time or the other talking about things that has absolutely nothing to do with us and for that matter our life goals and aspirations.
Even though it’s not so easy to pen a definition for gossip, the vocabulary.com attempted a broad explanation that I think is relevant to my argument. According to Vocabulary.com, gossip is a conversation that’s light, informal and unusual about other people’s business.
It can be fun to gossip about others, but no one likes it when they are the subject of gossip.
Now, let take a look 5 dangers of gossips and why we should not entertain any bit of the fun associated with gossips.
1. GOSSIP DESTROY PEOPLE’S HARD EARNED REPUTATION
People build their reputations over the years by working hard to get to where they are today. It doesn’t come easily as many people are made to believe. You’ve to pass through the thick and thin of life-both good and bad times to reach your goals.
But one hell of gossip can spread like wildfire and destroy what people have worked for over the years. What’s more disturbing is the phenomena of using social media to facilitate the rumor.
As a society that claims to be living in the civilized world, we should do all we can to to eliminate gossips in our social life because gossips destroy people’s hard earned reputation. It could be you someone today, but wait, when you are the subject of gossip tomorrow.
Don’t join people whose habit is to malign people and destroy others- so that they can appear to be better and assume some false sense of importance.
Gossips is dangerous in all its forms, don’t contribute to its spread.
2. GOSSIPS DESTROY FRIENDSHIPS
A military officer can’t take it anymore than to divorce his beautiful wife whom he had one child. The unfortunate man always has to settle scores with his colleagues’ military officer’s wives on behalf of the wife. Everybody in the barracks knows that his wife is a professional gossip. She can’t keep quiet about anything she sees and hear.
Like lady Oprah Winfred once said “gossips reflects the insecurity of those who initiate it”
It appears some people can’t discuss issues plainly without bringing a 3rd person’s issues into their conversation. It’s not just fun but gossip is dangerous and destructive
If you’ve nothing sensible to talk about your friend, then the best and honorable thing to do, is to shut up. Don’t try to impress anybody by saying things you can’t say in the presence of your friend unless you do so behind him or her.
Consider how far you have come in your friendship and don’t allow gossip to destroy your friendship with him or her. If there’s anything to avoid in your life, gossip should be one of them.
3. GOSSIP CREATES ENEMIES AMONG FRIENDS
Unknown writer wrote “I can’t stop the rumors from starting and I really can’t change people’s mind who believe them, all I can do is sit back and laugh at these low life people who have nothing better to do than to gossip about me”.
If you consider yourself to be worthy of some sort in all aspect of life, you will have no time to gossip about other people’s personal issues that come to your attention.
Research has shown that most issues people gossip about are false and based on mere hearsay.
What do you think your friend will think about you if he or she realizes that you are the one leading the gossip about him or her? No regret or apology will write the wrong. Gossip is just like wildfire -it can travel to places you can’t imagine it will reach. Whatever negative thing you say about somebody today-will be extremely difficult if not impossible to retrieve it.
Handle the issue of your friend with care. Invite him or her to find out the truth or otherwise what you’ve heard about your friend and don’t join the rumor mill to destroy your friendship. Eliminate the dangers of gossip in your life all together.
4. GOSSIP BRING ABOUT SHAME
Do you have a sense of shame when you hear that you are the subject under discussion without your knowledge? How do you feel? If you feel bad, then, do what would not allow you to be brought under public ridicule as a result of your inability to keep quiet about what you don’t know anything about?
Gossip is said to be a plaque that consumes weak and gullible people and blinds them from the truth of reality. A whole village was set a blade because somebody alleged that the chief daughter was killed when in the actual fact the chief daughter was hiding in the boyfriend’s room.
An unemployed man who came to me for an advice sometime ago, intimated to me that “when I heard that my wife was gossiping about my unemployment with the friends, the love I have for her diminished. That’s how far people can take the issue of gossip,
It’s true we can’t control what people would say at any given time but we can chose to ignore what they say or participate in it. Most people may choose the later by joining in the gossip to malign their coworkers, church members etc. Little minds we are told discuss people but great minds discuss ideas.
If you should sit down quietly to examine yourself and what you hope to achieve in your life time, you would be amazed the number of things on your waiting list you want to accomplish. Join great minds who have achieved something that you are working to achieve. Use your time profitably and shun all appearances of gossips
Decide not to get involve with people’s private life issues-so that you don’t bring shame upon yourself. Get rid of your friends who will create the avenue for you to participate in gossip. Your personal integrity will be at stake when you compromise with people who are “backward looking”
5. GOSSIP BELITTLE YOUR INTELLIGENCE
There’s a common saying “show me your friends and I will tell you your character”. It’s surprising to note that most people who talk about everything ended up becoming gossips. Because they made up their minds to always have something to say in order to make themselves relevant in the group of low thinking people like themselves.
I was at a bank this afternoon to make a deposit and at the same thinking about how to finish my post that you are reading this morning, because I post every three days. In the banking hall came two men who also came to take money I supposed. They started talking about the attitude of the tellers, how politicians are getting better and making the ordinary people poorer and poorer, how everything in the country is going bad etc. In fact, they seemed to be bitter about everything including themselves.
While the rich and the high income earners are thinking about how to increase their wealth, the poor and the have not think somebody is responsible for their miserable state. The fact still remains nobody will create the kind of life you want for you. You are the master planner and the chief driver of your life. Instead of gossiping about things you can’t do anything about, use that time to think about what you can do to improve your life and that of your family.
You definitely have something to give your generation. Don’t be little yourself by gossiping about everybody expect yourself. Take note of the fact that gossip is dangerous and evil and you should not make it part of your lifestyle.
You are welcome to the month of March. Be positive to attract the good things the months brings.
What at all is the purpose of our life on earth? To work hard, have children, build a great family and be successful in achieving all that you desire while on earth and go back to wherever you came from to this earth. If you agree with me to some extent, why do we allow you allow your life to be driven like a crazy horse that knows next to nothing where it’s going?
Find below 8 life madness that caught all of us in a web no matter where you find yourself on the globe.
LIFE CHANGES WOULD NOT GO AWAY , LEARN TO PLAN YOUR LIFE PROPERLY
1. BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
I think everyone cherishes relationship with friends at work, former school mates, family members etc. Even animals cherish the company of their equals.
But, what you should know is that there’s nothing permanent here on earth. You should be able to acknowledge the fact that your relationship with all the people described above will fail one day. If you have this basic mindset, you wouldn’t allow your broken relationship with individuals to determine your life agenda for you. You’ve so much contributions to make to make on this earth before you go back to your maker, don’t waste it on things you can do very little about.
If you continue to think about the why factors, you will become depressed and stressed out. Let them go and expect other good people to come your way. What do you need to do, open up your mind to the universe and allow things to unfold naturally in your life? Life challenges will continue to stay with us, but you shouldn’t allow it define you.
2. BUSY LIFESTYLE
Where are you going with all your busy life as if the world is after you? Sometimes, I looked at people and marvel at the speed at which they are driving their lives. These people have no time for church activities, friends and family as well their own personal lives. Difficulty in life should make us to grow wise and smart but not to kill ourself.
I have always been saying that if I die today and you die tomorrow, the world wouldn’t come to an end. Life would continue as usual, so, why do you keep yourself so much preoccupied that you have no time to enjoy a bit of the things you are working very hard for.
A favorite uncle died in his office at Michigan in the United State, because of cardiac arrest due to his inability to go for regular medical checkups as prescribed by his doctor. For him, life is about work, work and work and nothing else. Another hardworking journalist from Ghana, who died on the job, working for BBC is late Komla Dumor.
I am not discounting working very hard, but don’t allow busy lifestyle drives you to an early grave.
3. DIVINE DELAY IN GOD’S PROMISES FOR YOUR LIFE
A woman died recently because she can give birth after ten years in the marriage and she was so desperate that she was using all kinds of drugs she was promised could do the magic for her. Even though the husband assured her of his love and the promise, he will stay solidly behind her, she failed to take comfort in the husband and died a pre-mature death at 35. Who can do away with life difficulties we face?
I know you are working very hard but things seem not to be going your way. It can be very frustrating and disappointing. At this moment, many people give up any hope in life and unfortunately occupied themselves with failure, worries and fears about the future.
But, I want you to know that you time will come and your story will be different from others. “Hold onto your gun”. There was a man in the bible called Zachariah and the wife Elizabeth. Even though the man was a priest in the house of God, there was no child. Finally, the child came after 30+ years and the child was named John, who prepared the way for Christ Jesus.
Many children were born at the time but we didn’t hear of their account, but so much is written about John. So shall your story be. Have faith in yourself and the divine God you serve with all honesty will not disappointment you.
4. EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS
You’ve no idea what’s driving people emotionally as they go through life as if all is well. It appears we are living too much of the individualism and people are not willing to share what’s worry them.
Be willing to share you problems with people. Even if you don’t trust anybody, there should be one single individual you can approach. Don’t hide your issues by thinking about it day and night. I don’t believe in the concept “each one for himself, but God for us all” We are created as social beings, so learn to approach people with your issues.
Someone may have an answer to your problem, so go out and get help including go to the hospital for professional advice. Don’t allow life challenges to disorganize you emotionally.
Read my post about the reasons why we all need to seek for help
5. FAMILY PROBLEMS
An elderly man was said “we live in a small world, but created huge problems we can’t solve” When it comes to family matters, one needs to be careful. Your relationship with your own siblings could go sour and not to talk about your parents as well as cousins.
As a matter of fact, every family has an issue, so don’t be so much disappointed in yourself if your relationship with your own family didn’t go well as you envisaged. Put yourself together and move on when all your effort failed to yield result to reconcile yourself with them.
6. EXTENDED FAMILY ISSUES
This extended family issues may not be so much an issue in some part of the world but a big issue in every part of the world with regards to your father and mother in-laws-because every married person has a father and mother laws issues to deal with. The concerns of your in-laws should equally be your concern.
Their welfare and well beings should engage your attention and you must plan for them. However, don’t be pre-occupied so much with issues of your in-law. Some may be grateful for the sacrifices you are making in their lives but others may not. That’s part of life, face it and move on with your lives. Your worry doesn’t change life challenges that may come your way.
7. FINANCIAL PROBLEMS
Financial issues seems to rank the highest in most family disputes across the world. Three days ago, I indicated why would-be couples should delay giving birth because, the upkeep of children bring a huge financial burden on the parents.
Whether we like it or not financial issues would continue to run our lives now and forever more. If you don’t plan your financial life properly, you would continue to run your life in circle. Financial worries have kept many people in bondage and poverty.
Stop your money worries and tackle your financial challenges head on. If you fail to do anything about your money matters it will continue to chase you wherever you go and your life will be full of misery.
8. MARITAL PROBLEMS
One of the problems that made people unhappy and miserable in life is their marital problems which confront them on daily basis. The reality is that you are in charge of your life. Even though marriage is part of your life, you shouldn’t allow your life to turn pitiful because of your failed life.
Deal with your marital issues by addressing the most important issues that must be addressed by seeking professional assistance when it becomes necessary to do so. Don’t allow marriage to define you, live your life the way you want and be happy.
We’ve have been able to identify 8 ways our lives can drive us mad if we go through life. Manage all these 8 segments of life well. Even though they are necessary evils, you should not allow these life challenges to drive you crazy.
MARRIAGE DOESN’T MEAN PRODUCING KIDS
THE PHOTO ABOVE IS MY 4 KIDS I ALWAYS TALK ABOUT
If not all couples, the majority of couples wish to become parents sooner than later to “cement” their marriage with the upbringing of children in their marriage.
In certain cultures and religions across the world, non-child bearing couples are not regarded and taken seriously and women especially suffer the blunt of these archaic cultures. In India, Africa and part of Asia, the situation doesn’t seem to go away anytime soon.
Many couples are forced into early parenting just to satisfy society expectation of them without recourse to their personal happiness as couples. I know we live in a society, but should we always allow our society to determine the way we live our lives.
It’s pathetic to see some children roaming about aimlessly in certain part of the world without any form of education especially in the developing world-because the parents after giving birth to such innocent children abandoned these kids to their fates.
Now let look at the 6 reasons why early parenting is not helpful and why you need to delay having children too soon in your marriage.
1. EARLY PARENTING IS STRESSFUL
If you’ve been a parent before you would appreciate the enormous pressure the new members who join your family brings. Much as the coming of new-born babies are a welcome news, this joy is normally short-lived especially when the couples are not fully prepared to welcome their ‘new visitors’.
I sometimes feel like locking myself in my room when my four kids come back from school. Every one of them has something for you to pay attention to and you can’t get any time for yourself until they retire to bed in the evening. Every time you’ve something to take care of as a parent whether in their bedroom, hall and the kitchen at large. You need to have a big gut to be able to play your role effectively as a parent.
As a matter of fact, early parenting is not for everybody who is married.
2. EARLY PARENTING IS ABNORMALLY DEMANDING
The workload involved in making sure that the child is brought up in the right environment is something that can blow a parent mind in the beginning of the parental journey.
You’ve to get time to attend to the numerous demands that would be placed on you on continuous and daily basis. The kids must be bathed every day when they are young, their numerous dresses washed every day, their beds must be laid, and their homework must be supervised by you, their food prepared separately etc.
If you are not lucky to and you have a sick child, the task is compounded and you must fulfill all these obligations imposed on you by virtue of the fact that you are a parent. The question is: Who forced you to have a child when you are not prepared to father or mother a child too soon in the marriage?
3. EARLY PARENTING IS CAPITAL INTENSIVE
“You can’t tell how sweet a food is until you eat it yourself” So, you can’t really tell how much money you would incur as a way of taking care of a child until you start having one yourself.
Truth be told, the average cost of raising a child is so much involving that one needs to get fully prepared in order to venture into parenthood. The average cost may differ from city to city and country to country because the economic conditions are different from jurisdiction to jurisdiction.
In fact, some of the quarrels between myself and my wife is as a result of money issues with regards to taking care of the needs of our four kids. Don’t kiddy yourself- You’ve to face it or leave it, parenting is not for the faint hearted.
4. EARLY PARENTING MAY LEAD TO DIVORCE
Because of the pressure early parenting brings into marriage, many of which are financial in nature, couples who are not prepared for this financial demand are likely to have money challenges they have to deal with and the attendance conflicts these may bring between husband and wife.
In my case the reoccurring of financial obligations placed on us as a result of these four kids nearly send my wife packing back to the parents due to unmet daily financial obligations.
We still quarrel from time to time as a result of issues that have to do with kids’ school fees, school learning materials such as text books, health services, feeding as well as clothing.
Once kids begin to surface, there will be financial needs that have to do with your kids’ upkeep and I must admit, these needs always create tension between me and my wife.
If you are not well prepared, never forced yourself to become a parent by mistake. If you do so, becoming an early parent will change your view negatively about marriage and for that matter parenting forever. Avoid the early parenting trap to save your marriage.
5. EARLY PARENTING MAY KILL ROMANCE IN THE MARRIAGE
What’s romance in the first place when there’s no love, affection, intimacy between the parties involved in the marriage institution?
Most relationship are merely existing in name because of the children involved in the marriage because there’s no more love holding the couples together. Couples are supposed to enjoy their relationship with or without kids in the marriage. Children are to add to the happiness of the couples and not to bring disharmony between the couples. However, the coming of kids in most marriages take the joy from the marriage because of the numerous financial obligations parents must fulfilled to prepare their children into adulthood.
My wife, Lizzy, got pregnant in the first year of our marriage of our marriage and the rest of her time is spent on raising the kids. Intimacy is non-existence in our marriage because all our efforts are geared towards the raising of the kids- Edwin 10, Christie 8, Nat 6 and Judith 4.
I write this post as an insider parent and to humbly caution would-be parents to consider the pros and cons and to fully prepare before deciding to have children. Because the coming of children can mar the beauty of the love you share together.
6. EARLY PARENTING MAY LEAD TO FREQUENT QUARREL BETWEEN THE COUPLES
We marry to have time for each other and to enjoy the company of one another. However, the early coming of children can destroy the bond between you and your partner especially if you are adequately prepared to welcome the new permanent family members.
Do you know some fathers left the home un-announced and abandoned their kids under the care of their mothers, because they can’t bear the demand placed on them by their partners with respect to the upkeep of their kids? Frequent quarrels and misunderstandings caused some women to lose their lives as a result of their husband’s inability to meet their responsibilities. Some are maimed and killed for their persistence nagging.
Get yourself financially, psychologically, materially and mentally prepared before deciding to have a child and be called a father or a mother
Take note of these six points when you are considering to become a parent. Don’t let becoming a parent creates problems in your marriage. If you are not prepared, never force yourself but hold on until such time both of you are convinced that you are ready for motherhood and fatherhood.