A great philosopher once said relationships are not made but they created on continuous basis by the actors in the union. So, whatever you want to see in your relationship, you must make conscious effort to make it happen each passing day by what you do with your partner.
If you want to see great and happy relationship be great yourself and do great things with your partner because people do extra ordinary things in all their pursuits.
Read below the 10 relationship pitfalls to avoid
Relationship Pitfall 1
No More Laughter & Jokes In The Relationship
Many of us men, have taken life too too serious. If you die today and I die tomorrow the world will not come to an end. Men of power, wealth, fame and affluence have all been consumed in the bottom of the earth.
The bible says ‘there is no enjoyment in where we are going’. We are to be happy and enjoy our labour because; this is the time the Lord God has blessed us according to a bible verse in Ecclesiastes. Some relationships are seriously suffocating because there is no life in it any longer.
Don’t be too serious to laugh when the time demands you to do so. After all, laughter is good for your own health. Create jokes and make it look real. Be cheerful in narrating your jokes. Cause your partner to laugh his or her heart out. We are to enjoy our marriage relationship to the fullest and not to endure it.
Nobody can make magic in your relationship to make it exciting except the two of you. Take the stillness out of the relationship and give it a fresh breath. If your husband is serious every time, create jokes to calm him down. You don’t need to be a comedian to create jokes.
For example, tell him what he makes of a lawyer who takes the wife brassier and pant into the suit case and sent into the court room. The said lawyer was too serious to take notice of the things he was putting in the suitcase to the court.
When it was time for him to speak and he opened the suitcase to bring his document out, the whole room exploded into laughter. Any serious man will calm down after hearing this. Practice it and create your own jokes to make the relationship lovely.
Relationship Pitfall 2
Be Creative to Bring Freshness in the Relationship
Even though some are endowed with creativity more than others, we all have some element of creativity to exhibit. A creative person always wants to do something new. They come out with new ideas and make society love what they come out with.
You should be creative in your cooking; always coming out with something that existed but repacked anew. He will never know it is not something new.
Be creative in your dressing. Change your dress designs from time to time. Rearrange the things in the living room and make the hall look new. Go to the bed room and change the direction of the bed and do new setting with the same old items.
You don’t need to hire a decorator to do these simple things for you. Send your creativity to the kitchen and see whether new arrangement can’t be done. Utilize your creative power and take control of your environment. The power of creativity is sitting right inside you. Activate it and see how creative you are. Don’t be predictable as a man. Change your hair style and your shirt designs from time to time. Change the restaurant and the places you take your partner to from time to time.
Relationship Pitfall 3
Be Humble and Shun Pride
I have heard people say time without number that they can’t change their attitude. They assume their behaviors are innate aspects of them that cannot be altered. I tell such persons humility is not heredity we acquire from our biological parents. It is a learned behavior and nothing else.
Humility paves the way to ordinary people to climb to stardom. The former US president, Barak Obama was once seen carrying the file of one time former President Bill Clinton. But as fate may have it, he became the president of the world most powerful and successful nation.
Examples of people who rose to stardom as a result of humility are too numerous to mention.
Showing humility does not make you a fool, it is admonition from the bible. No sensible person in his or her right sense will disrespect the person who demonstrates humility before him or her. You can get whatever you want from your partner by being humble. Pride they say goes before a fall. Run from pride and exhibit humility towards your partner at all times and take your relationship to the next level. Humility should come from both of you and must come from within.
Relationship Pitfall 4
Be romantic to Ask for Sex
Even though I indicated earlier that ‘sex is men thing’, sexual fulfilment is a fundamental need for both genders. When it comes to initiating the sexual act, most women are still feel shy asking for sex if they feel like having sex with their partners. I think society has made some women to coil back to their shells whenever it is time for sex. Most women behave as if they do not have any desire for sex.
This ‘tradition thing’ has got into the head of some women to the extent that they play no role in the act. The pathetic aspect of this whole thing is that up till now most women cannot ask their partners for sex in this 21st century. This ‘disease’ affects both the educated and uneducated. Women have this old age perception that their partners would brand them flirts.
Remember society is not static and keeps revolving. Men want their partners to also take the lead when they feel for sex. In that way, it will not appear as if it is the man who has to take the lead all the time. It becomes boring when it is only the man who has to initiate and play active role.
What role do you play during the sexual act? If you just lie down for him to do whatever he wants to do, then you wouldn’t enjoy the benefit of the sexual act. Men actually want the active involvement of their partners in the sexual act. Ask for it and do not feel shy about it at all. It is your right to demand for it since you are joined together as man and wife.
His body does not belong to him alone much as your body does not belong to you. Demonstrate the girl in you for him during the act so that he can call you sweetheart after the ‘act’. Men must also desist from calling their partners names when the take the initiative and exhibit creative sexual styles during any sexual encounter with them.
Relationship Pitfall 5
Stop Your Persistence Nagging
Some women as well as men complain just about anything their partners do in their relationships. Don’t expect perfection from your partner overnight. He or she has formed these behaviors from childhood. You have to exercise patience for your partner to adjust in order to meet your expectations. Things may not always go right with your partner but you have got to accommodate his or her mistakes.
There are relationship facing difficult situation than yours but the partners in those relationships chose to remain calm and trust the Lord in their relationship.
Complaining about everything your partner does is a recipe for disaster in the relationship. Your nagging won’t change the situation but could make you frustrated in the relationship. God sets the times and the seasons in motion.
Your peculiar situation would not last forever. We all go through very turbulent times in our marriages. This turbulence will not remain forever. Good times will definitely come and the situation will come back to normal. That’s why you don’t need the world to hear the difficulty you are going through with your partner.
Telling sympathizers to hear your story amount to immaturity on your part. Keep the issue to yourself and pray to God to change the situation for the better. After all the first and second world war came to an end and became history.
Your current situation is not unique to you alone and will not last forever. Most men hate to see their women talking about their domestic issues outside the corridor of their homes. Women also hate to see their partners always complaining of the food, hair, dress and how they take care of the home.
One man who spoke to me during a discussion said “when I heard that my wife was discussing my unemployment with the friend, the love I had for her diminished” The book of Proverbs says even when a fool remains silent he is considered wise. Instead of nagging take your issues into prayers and allow God to come into the picture and make the relationship a new. I believe in God and can trust that he strengthens me when I am weak and can do so for you. Your fervent prayer would be heard by God. Let that be your guide as you journey through life with your partner. Trust God to do what you can’t do with your strength, knowledge and wisdom
Relationship Pitfall 6
Learn to be organized
When a man is not organized in the home it is not as disturbing as a woman who is not organized in managing the home; at least from society point of view. Because women are considered the managers of the home and society has very high expectations of them.
Anybody who visits a well-organized and clean home will know there is a responsible woman behind it. Unfortunately, we have some of our women who are not organized to say the least. Their very hair is unkempt and remained unwashed for days. Go to the hall and the kitchen and what greets you is a testimony of how they organize themselves. Children can alter the organization of the way you arrange your things at home but don’t leave things to go unmanaged.
Try to arrange and organize the things they have scattered around. No visitor will take an excuse for your inability to keep things organized in the home. You are responsible for the way things are organize in the home. Your husband will assist you but it is your primary responsibility. If you have young children, teach them how to arrange things in the home.
Many women have relaxed after marriage. Their negative attitudes sent their husbands to the arms of other women; who are well organized and appear neat and attractive.
Know that God look at the inside of people to determine how they walk with Him but earthly PEOPLE like your partner will look at the outside to draw conclusion. That is why you need to keep yourself organized for him every day.
Don’t blame the disorganization of the home to the kids alone without taking any blame for it. Never assume that once you are married to him, he can’t look elsewhere as some women believe after marriage
Do your part and let him do his part. Keep everything of yours clean: your hair, dresses, shoes, wardrobe, kitchen, bedroom, hall and the surroundings organized. You married him to fill the loop holes. Don’t wait to be told what to do right. Keep doing what is best for the relationship even if he doesn’t appreciate it. He will come to his senses one day and praise you for all the good things you have been doing.
Relationship Pitfall 7
Continue to Show Appreciation to your Partner
Permit me to refresh your memory about the ten lepers whom Jesus had healed and commanded them to go and show themselves to the priest.
A lot of people in a relationship behave just like the nine lepers described in the Bible. We do not show gratitude to our partners for the little things they do for us. We are waiting for a big present before we show appreciation to them. Out of the ten lepers it was only one leper who was grateful to show appreciation.
When we appreciate every little gift from our partners, we tell them our doors are opened to receive more. If we are not appreciative of the little thing we receive how can we be appreciative of the big ones that will come our way? It is not the size of a gift that matters but the intention and the love that accompanied it.
Even if it’s a card someone gives you, we need to show appreciation. Unappreciative attitude of some partners have blocked the way for their loved ones to give them more. Don’t compare what your partner gives you to what your friend’s husband gives her. Their sources of income and opportunities could be different. That kind of comparison amounted for comparing orange to apple and could spell doom for your relationship. Don’t attempt to force your partner to give beyond what he or she can afford to give.
Relationship Pitfall 8
One of the key issues that can pose a serious threat to your relationship is your inability to communicate among yourself. Your failure to effectively communicate your message to your partner can result in misunderstanding between the two of you.
Be clear and straight forward to the point as much as possible. Make sure your partner understands what you want to communicate to him or her. If you did not get the message your partner put across, seek for further explanation before taking any decision. Most people fail to put their message across clearly and create gap in the message being distorted.
Learn to understand how your partner communicates his or her message using all the forms of communications; whether verbal or non-verbal.
If you do not understand your partner ask questions for further clarification. Don’t assume anything in your mind until you are clear in your mind what exactly your partner is putting across.
Relationship Pitfall 9
You No More Listen Attentively to Each Other
What do you do when your partner is communicating to you? Do you give your full attention or you partially listen while doing your own thing. In fact, most people do not pay attention when their partner is discussing very important issue with them but just pretend to be listening.
If you love and cherish your relationship, you must pay attention to what your partner has to say at all material time. It will go a long way to enhance your lovely relationship.
Don’t be reading your message or browsing the internet while your partner is discussing something important with you or passing information to you. Some of us are now paying more attention to our cell phones than our partners. Hey! Do not allow the phone to create problem to your relationship instead of enhancing the relationship.
Relationship Pitfall 10
You are not Consistent in Whatever You Do with your Partner
Let your partner knows everything about you. He or she should know what you stand for. Unfortunately many people entered into relationships with their inconsistencies in their dealings with their partners. Today they come up with plan A and the following morning they change their minds with another plan.
You need to be consistent with your dealings with your spouse. If your partner does not know how you will behave in the coming days or years to come, then you cannot be depended upon for a steady relationship. Consistency brings about trust and promotes happy long lasting relationship.
We’ve been able to look at 10 relationship pitfalls to avoid in our relationship by doing things differently this time round.
We’ll be happy to hear from you.