THE MAGIC OF SILENCE IN A RELATIONSHIP
It’s not understatement to say it’s not all the time you need to explain yourself. There’s a wise saying that also back this saying. “It’s always good to remain silent some of the times” than to speak and when you speak at the right time you would be considered wise.
Many a times our inability to retrain ourselves when there’s conflict or misunderstanding between us and our partners has always lead to disharmony in our relationships. I know it’s difficult to restrain our emotions when we are heated up to defend our ego. But we can learn to subject our emotions and anger under control. Your emotions is directly under your command, don’t let it make you do things you may not be proud of later on.
BELOW ARE THE 5 REASONS WHY YOU NEED TO BE SILENT MOST OF THE TIMES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS GOING INTO 2019.
1. SILENCE MAKES YOU CONTROL YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS
What’s emotions? Emotion is any conscious experience characterized by intense mental activity and a certain degree of pleasure or displeasure. Scientific discourse has drifted to other meanings and there is no consensus on a definition. Emotion is often intertwined with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation. (Wikipedia)
I heard people say rather sadly that they can’t control their emotions and these segment of people don’t make any headway in their relationship and marriage. Why? Because, they react as soon as they are confronted with an issue without giving it a second thought. If you are that type of person, wait a minute, these 5 steps from Psychology today would help you deal with your emotional challenges.
- Select the situation. Avoid circumstances that trigger unwanted emotions. If you know that you’re most likely to get angry when you’re in a hurry (and you become angry when others force you to wait), then don’t leave things for the last minute. Get out of the house or office 10 minutes before you need to, and you won’t be bothered so much by pedestrians, cars, or slow elevators. Similarly, if there’s an acquaintance you find completely annoying, then figure out a way to keep from bumping into that person.
- Modify the situation. Perhaps the emotion you’re trying to reduce is disappointment. You’re always hoping, for example, to serve the “perfect” meal for friends and family, but invariably something goes wrong because you’ve aimed too high. Modify the situation by finding recipes that are within your range of ability so that you can pull off the meal. You may not be able to construct the ideal soufflé, but you manage a pretty good frittata.
- Shift your attentional focus. Let’s say that you constantly feel inferior to the people around you who always look great. You’re at the gym, and can’t help but notice the regulars on the weight machines who manage to lift three times as much as you can. Drawn to them like a magnet, you can’t help but watch with wonder and envy at what they’re able to accomplish. Shifting your focus away from them and onto your fellow gym rats who pack less punch will help you feel more confident about your own abilities. Even better, focus on what you’re doing, and in the process, you’ll eventually gain some of the strength you desire.
- Change your thoughts. At the core of our deepest emotions are the beliefs that drive them. You feel sad when you believe to have lost something, anger when you decide that an important goal is thwarted, and happy anticipation when you believe something good is coming your way. By changing your thoughts you may not be able to change the situation but you can at least change the way you believe the situation is affecting you. In cognitive reappraisal, you replace the thoughts that lead to unhappiness with thoughts that lead instead to joy or at least contentment. People with social anxiety disorder may believe that they’ll make fools of themselves in front of others for their social gaffes. They can be helped to relax by interventions that help them recognize that people don’t judge them as harshly as they believe.
- Change your response. If all else fails, and you can’t avoid, modify, shift your focus, or change your thoughts, and that emotion comes pouring out, the final step in emotion regulation is to get control of your response. Your heart may be beating out a steady drumroll of unpleasant sensations when you’re made to be anxious or angry. Take deep breaths and perhaps close your eyes in order to calm yourself down. Similarly, if you can’t stop laughing when everyone else seems serious or sad, gather your inner resources and force yourself at least to change your facial expression if not your mood.
2. SILENCE MAKES YOU UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION BETTER
Many people are reactive instead of being responsive in dealing with the real issue confronting them and their partners directly and for that matter the relationship.
I was that type of a person some years ago when I got married to my beautiful wife, Lizzy. I didn’t just seem to understand her neither is she? I thought something was wrong and attributed our conflicts to the short during we courted (six months) before our wedding. Alas, I was wrong. I was failing to understand her and finding it difficult to ignore a lot of things she does that get me upset.
The day I decided that I am not going to be reactive to her every day issues, I become happy and have the opportunity to understand why she does what she thinks is the best for the relationship. After all I came to realize that she has the best intention for the relationship but communicate it in a way she understood it from the female point of view and I always responded from the male perspective.
You see, most often we are in a haste to make sweeping judgment and make unsubstantiated accusation because we fail to understand “ourselves” (you and your partner) in the relationship.
This time round instead of trying to make your voice heard, relax and seek ways to understand each other.
Drop the accusations, fault finding and mistakes pointing at your partner going into the next year. Start on a clean slit and have faith to believe that all shall be well with you and your partner.
3. IT MAKES YOU TO AVOID TAKING HASTY DECISION
My late mother separated from my late dad on a mere account of suspicion: that my father was dating someone in the neighborhood. My dad and mum were not living together but strangely chose to live in two different towns. My mother told us she regretted her hasty decision to leave my dad because the allegation later turn out to be false. Even though my dad didn’t marry again after the separation, it was too late for her to come back, because of pride.
Some beautiful marriages ended on the rock because of the fact that people were not silent enough to allow time to reveal the true state of affair in their relationship. You may be living with a difficult person and remaining silent is like getting the lion from the bush to come and dance with you. It can be very frustrating but there’s a way out of every situation. Don’t reinvent the wheel. Every PROBLEM you face or are facing, I want you to know that people have faced similar or worse situation before but managed to overcome it. You can also overcome any challenge in your relationship if only you remain silent for some time.
Don’t be angry and disappointed in yourself, take a deep breath and ask yourself what’s making you angry and whether it’s necessary to be angry at all. If you were to be like me, I will say be cool and ignore your partner. Pretend as if you are not bothered by remaining quiet. He or she may not know what you are up to and it normally sends a positive signal that you might be thinking of something, which will make your partner uncomfortable. When you succeeded in doing this, your partner will think twice about his or her behavior towards you. Practice the magic of silence and reap its tremendous benefits.
4. IT MAKES YOU TO BE HAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
How long can you keep on complaining and whining about your partner’s attitude and behavior? Do you know the more you complain about that particular behavior the more he or she manifest it. Why? It’s because your are focusing on the issue so much and what you pay so much attention to expand.
If you want to see your partner put up the right behavior, focus on what you want to see in him or her. Yes focus on the positive side of your partner and see the positive part of her or him manifest. Be quite and slowly focus on all the good things you want to see. Do it quietly and silently by closing your eyes every 15 minutes a day. 15 minutes a day is deemed by experts in the meditation and visualization industries as great to bring a change.
What do you want to see in your partner, focus on that the more and you would be happy to manifest just that? You are the architect that can create happiness in your own relationship. No one else can do that for you. If you focus in making your partner happy, you would equally become happy because you are likely to ignore all your partner’s weaknesses.
5. IT DRAWS YOU CLOSER TO YOUR PARTNER
Have you not heard the phrase “silence means concerns” Yes you’ve heard it a number of times. The magic of silence is so powerful that even if a fool kept his mouth shout, people might not know what he’s about and he may be given the needed respect.
Do you know your partner may be happy if he or she succeeds in getting you upset all the time with his or her behavior? Why do you allow him or her to take control over your life when you’ve the capacity to determine how your life should run?
This time round remain silent if possible smile. If he or she realizes that you no longer take him or her seriously they may be forced to get closer to you to find out if everything is fine. You’ve no idea how it feels like if you are silently being ignored. Since we can’t read the construction of people’s mind by the expression they put up on their faces, people are forced to know what people are thinking by what they say.
Practice this psychological trick and see how he or she reacts towards you.
One of the secrets of all successful relationships is being silence and allow time to explain itself. Fortunately every human being has this power within the conscious mind. Practice these five silent tools in your relationship and see its magic power in your relationship and personal life going forward.
Happy New Year in Advance!