MODERN LADIES ARE NOT FATHER CHRISTMAS DON’T TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED
There has been hue and cry about modern ladies commitment in a relationship. So many descriptions are given to the modern ladies probably because of the way they carry themselves and their ability to go for what they want. Most men call the modern ladies as “gold diggers”, “money spenders”, “unfaithful”, “untrusted”, and “uncommitted”, ”heart breakers”, “necessary evils” “uncaring” “selfish” etc.
Whatever name you call them, they know what they want and just focus in achieving just that. Yes, the modern lady is not afraid to go for what she wants. In the course of achieving these things, they would step on your toes, pardon them, they would hurt you, forgive them, they would steal you, temper justice with mercy, they would take away your joy, it’s not intentional, don’t avoid them etc.
Below are the 5 reasons why most ladies do what to make commitment
1. FINANCIAL FREEDOM
Who doesn’t want some amount of comfort and luxury in life? I want, you want and the ladies want to. In time past our great grandmothers suffer with our great grandfathers without anything called luxury and enjoyment in their marriage life. Everything at the time seems mechanical and their marriage life is a sad narrative to give.
This generation of ladies read and some experienced the suffering they went through in the hands of some “unscrupulous” men to the detriment of their life. What’s their reward for all their struggle and suffering with men? They are often beaten, thrown away, sacked, abused and unjustifiably divorced in some cases. For every action, there’s an opposite reaction. Nothing happens in vacuum. The local people say “there’s no smoke without fire” Does that resonate with you? Sure, may be yes, may not.
One day a lady told me some months ago that ‘today’s women’ are not “Father Christmas” Meaning they can’t longer be taken for granted. She added that she wouldn’t date a poor man and hope and pray that things will get better. What happens if things get better and you are sacked? In a legally married union, the lady may get a fair compensation but in the case of cohabitation or casual relationship compensation may be difficult to secure. By now you should understand why some ladies do what they do. Hey ladies, as you celebrate Christmas, be flexible about some of your demands, we’re here to support you.
2. PAST DISAPPOINTMENTS
It’s not a mistake when you hear our elders (experts in the relationship space) say history is a guide to the future. Or are you not familiar with the idiom “once bitten, twice shy” Once hurt, one is doubly cautious in the future so as not to be hurt again and again. This seemingly old observation, presumably alluding to an animal biting someone, was first recorded in 1894.
You may also like to read about why commitment is difficult for young guys below
Past disappointments really made a lots of young women unwilling to commit to their present day relationship. These women are fully armed to handle disappointments when it occurs in order not to suffer any emotional trauma which most women go through when their relationship abruptly comes to an end.
One lady told me that she goes into a relationship with one foot inside and one foot outside. Her simple reason is that she has suffered series of disappointments from men and would not allow anybody to hurt her again and take her for granted as has been her case.
Does it mean all ladies are faithful and all men are not faithful? I wonder, but the issue still remains that we attract to ourselves what we usually focus our attention on. Instead of focusing on your past disappointments, why not focusing on meeting a great guy who meet all your requirement of a “real man”
3. INDEPENDENT MINDSET
Don’t be mistaken, your own child at appoint in time would want to be left alone so that he or she can do things on their own. Most modern day young women want to do things their own way without been told what to do and what not to do. Don’t be offended, some men are controlling and nuisance in the home to say the least.
The independent mindset of women is not bad in itself but when it becomes a lifestyle it may affect other side of the woman’s life. Take for instance, family life. You need the corporation of your partner to achieve success in the marriage institution.
In every sphere of life, no individual can say he or she is complete without the input of the other. Industry needs the famer as much as the farmer needs the industry. Your independent mindedness should not prevent you from entering into a meaningful relationship. Someone is praying to have somebody like you. Don’t close the door yet.
Insecurity is the certainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence or the state of being open to danger or threat; lack of protection. For instance we can say there’s growing job insecurity or she had a deep sense of insecurity”
So how does insecurity affect some women from making long term relationship commitment? When people are always afraid that they would suffer disappointment again, their whole life is under constant torment not to make any contact with the opposite sex. The se segment of women are not likely to make any new relationship because they assumed that they are not lucky enough to ever meet the right person in their life and would disappointed again.
A young woman who lost her husband to road accident never deep it fit to marry again because according to her there can’t be any man like her late husband. She has closed the door on meeting somebody who will be like the husband or more than the husband in life. Is that thinking positive? How would she know that she wouldn’t meet anybody like the husband? Negative attitude! Until you leave your comfort zone, you wouldn’t know what the world has in stock for you.
A relationship expert Marc Bois described insecurity as a terror and urged such people to seek help immediately because it could affect all aspect of a person’s life. Don’t allow insecurity to hold you back. Deal with it by seeking a professional guidance to resolve the problem.
5. NEGATIVE PERCEPTION ABOUT MARRIAGE
A lots of studies have been carried out to find the reasons why many young people are not willing to get married. The reasons stated by various research are interlinked and are not fat fetched. As a matter of fact you must see yourself as individual first before dancing to the tune of the general public. The mere fact that someone doesn’t want to marry should not be the basis for making your own decision.
Read about 9 negative youth perceptions about marriage below in one of my posts
You may also like to read what psychology of today find about young adult not deciding to marry below
Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? If you are 30 years, you would me 40 years in the next decade. So the decision about marriage is an individual affair. Marriage is not scaring and would not change what you want to do in life, it would rather enhance it. Do you know many people become focus in life the very day they decide to marry and a lot achieve more than they acquired when leaving alone.
We’ve been able to look at 5 reasons why women are not ready to settle down cheaply in any kind of relationship. But you should be mindful of the decision you make today, because every decision has its ramifications for the future. Look out for my next post on Wednesday.
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND PROSPEROUS HAPPY NEW YEAR
God richly bless you and your household.