FEAR OF COMMITMENT TO ONE LADY MAKES LONG TERM COMMITMENT DIFFICULT FOR GUYS
“Why enter into a relationship if you know you wouldn’t be committed to me” asked a young worried young man who was disappointed by the partner some weeks ago. According to the guy that was his third disappointments and vowed never to commit herself in any relationship, not even human angel from heaven.
The issue of commitment in a relationship has engaged the attention of both the young and old worldwide. It’s not by mistake to hear young men and ladies being unwilling to enter into committed relationship these days because of the uncertainty surrounding relationships in our present world.
What’s commitment that we all must be concerned about? The basic definition of commitment is a promise to do something or to behave in a particular way. Before people decide to enter into a relationship, there’s a desire to be committed to each other and the driving force behind all these is love. So what’s the disconnection? The reality is that many young ladies and gentlemen are unwilling to be committed in their relationship and for that matter their partners.
Read below the 6 reasons why most men are not willing to commit themselves in their relationships.
1. UNCERTAINTY ABOUT TRUST
“How certain are you that your partner will not let you down” asked a young university graduate who wasn’t too sure whether he has the capacity to deal with trust issue in his relationship, having observed the way and manner young ladies change men like changing their panties on university campuses
As a matter of fact, many young men are not willing to make any serious commitment in their relationships because of the issue of trust. Since relationship has to do with trust, many young people don’t feel comfortable enough to commit their soul, spirit, heart and body to somebody they can’t trust going forward. It’s not only women who are emotionally traumatized when there’s break up. Men equally do.
So, the issue now is: how do we go from here. We need to do something about the issue of trust in our relationship.
2. UNWILLINGNESS TO MAKE FINANCIAL COMMITMENT
There’s no relationship that is “father Christmas” without you having to spend some money. Many young people don’t seem to come to terms with the fact that they would have to spend their hard cash somehow to keep their female partners.
A dams, a young technologist told me “how do you spend money on somebody who may leave you to another person who’s better than you financially” This was an issue the girl friend brought to my attention as their family counsellor. My respond to her was: how far are you ready to go with Adams. Her respond was: “as far as he is ready to open his palm and spend his money with her”. You can see where the conversation is going on both sides.
Adams loved the girlfriend but not too sure she would stay with him for long and for that was afraid to spend money on her. The girlfriend was unhappy with Adams because he wasn’t spending money on her even though he’s well paid in his job.
3. UNWILLINGNESS TO SHOULDER RESPONSIBILITIES
Who doesn’t know that commitment in a relationship may lead to marriage? You don’t want to be living like Romeo and Juliet in the literature book we all read in our junior and senior high schools. It will get to a point where you would have to make a bigger decision to get marry.
The mere mention of marriage scares a lot of young people because of the issue of responsibilities. Many young people have come to the realization that family life comes with huge responsibilities which many are ready to foot.
It’s O.K. nowadays to see a lot of young people into relationship with no plans to get marry. Financial responsibility has been one of the “monsters” many guys are trying to avoid. How long do you want to have fun with your partner without the desire and commitment to settle down?
Remember it’s possible to settle down with your partner if you are willing to do so. “Remember two heads are better than one” When you plan and put your resources together, you can do more than you think is possible.
4. PERSONAL DISAPPOINTING EXPERIENCES
Whether you like it or not our personal experiences influence the way we react and response to similar issues in life. History they say is a guide to the future. If you have been disappointed once, twice or more, you will be careful going into a new relationship.
Negative experiences have held a lot of people back from making fresh start into a new relationship because of the fact that all information they feed their subconscious mind is negative. Since the subconscious mind does not argue with you about what you feed into it, they ended up disappointed the third or fourth times.
You might not be lucky in your previous relationship but that shouldn’t define your new relationship. All ladies are not “bad”. There are millions of good ones out there. May be you haven’t come across one yet, continue to have open mind going into new relationship and success will be yours.
5. NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE FROM PARENTS
If you grow up in a family where there’s no happiness but all you see your mum and dad do always are quarrelling and fighting, you are likely to reject the idea in your mind that there can’t be happy and lovely relationship.
Many young people confirmed that they are being afraid to enter into a relationship because of what they witnessed in their parents relationship during a youth retreat that was organized in June this year by Salvation Army, a religious group. The retreat is to provide pre-marital counselling to the youth so that they can dispel any negative issues about marriage.
6. FEAR OF COMMITMENT
Jim and the girlfriend has been visiting me for counselling about their plan to get marry in 2020. One day Jim visited me in my office without the girlfriend and told me he has a confession to make. I told him he’s safe and can go ahead to make the confession. “I am afraid to make a commitment with Erica my girlfriend because I am insecure when it comes to making long term commitment. I am likely to change my mind along the line”
I asked him, why you kept the relationship going all these while. He said “I didn’t want to hurt her” The fact still remains, a lot of young men can’t be committed to one person and like the issue discussed above are afraid to make long term commitments.
We’ve been able to discuss 6 reasons why commitment is difficult for young guys these days. In my next post I would discuss 5 reasons why young ladies are equally not ready for commitment in a relationship.