Marriage is Beautiful, “Don’t give it a bad name and hang it”
Anytime we talk about marriage people want to hear the Catholic wedding vow “I,………. Take you,…………… be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
That’s the way a lot of the youth in our days understood marriage and this influences many youth worldwide when they think of marriage. Many people hold the view that marriage is all about ordinance where a man and a wife marry under the marriage ordinance (CAP 127).This is monogamous, meaning that unless the man or woman dies or the marriage is legally dissolved, neither party can marry another person.
Those who believe in the customary marriage can chose to marry more than one under the customary law of their state, region or country. Since we are not discussing types of marriage,let quickly go to the subject matter under discussion.
Find below the 9 Negative perceptions people especially the youth have about marriage
Perception: is the way you think of something or the impression you have about it. Now what is negative perceptions?1. Expressing or meaning a refusal or denial. 2. Lacking positive or affirmative qualities, such as enthusiasm, interest or optimism. 3. Showing or tending towards opposition or resistance.
Negative perception 1. MARRIAGE WOULD DENY THEM FREEDOM
There are so many rights and freedoms being championed by the press and rights group these days. For that matter many educated youth clamor for such freedoms and see marriage as an entanglement to one’s personal freedom. Let look at some of the freedom we have globally:
- Freedom to live
- Freedom of association
- Freedom of speech
- Freedom to express oneself
- Freedom of the press
- Freedom to choose one’s life partner
- Freedom to choose one’s state
- Freedom to talk to each other
- Freedom to marry or not to marry
- Freedom to divorce
- Freedom to be happy
- Freedom of equality
- Freedom to demonstrate etc. the list could go on.
These many freedoms at the disposal of people make it unattractive for them to tie themselves to anybody because people are not ready to be accountable to anybody. They want to live their life the way they want. Being married or being in a committed relationship means restriction to one’s freedom.
Those who are ready to sacrifice a bit of their personal spaces may see marriage as attractive and worth going into. Marriage is beautiful and I encourage all young people who are ready for marriage to dispel the negative things they hear about marriage. Marriage like any institutions come with its peculiar challenges which can be overcome when the two of you purpose to do so. Don’t forget what the bible says “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV)
2. UNWILLINGNESS TO SACRIFICE
I wrote an article about (5)uncomfortable but necessary sacrifices in marriage. Please you can read it all at the link below
Every relationship be it marriage or committed relationship comes with some sort of sacrifices partners have to make. Some could be costly and others can be described as deadly (where partners have to sacrifice part of their organs for the survival of their spouse.Can you donate your kidney for the survival of your partner? Yes, you should be able to do so. God will protect your one kidney because you did it for a worthy cause.
As a matter of fact, there’s no single relationship without a price to pay whether directly or indirectly. If you are not ready to pay any price for your relationship then you are not ready for a successful and happy relationship. Successful relationship comes about as a result of hard work and huge sacrifices.
Because many people especially the youth wants to leave “a care free life”(a life without problems and challenges), they see marriage as something that has to do with daily challenges and they are not ready for any of this stuff. Don’t allow any negative attitude of your parents about marriage affect you to get married.
3. WRONG UNDERSTANDING OF MARRIAGE
Everybody has his or her own understanding of what marriage means to them. To some marriage is about satisfying societal expectation of them because they reach certain age and by the standard of those societies they should get married at all cost.
To others marriage is about getting support from their partners (financial, material and others) especially from the side of most females who enter into marriage. Probably it’s an old age tradition where the women stayed at home and the men go out to work and bring stuff home to take care of the family. Now things are changing. The women are equally supporting the home to make life meaningful in the home.
The rest see marriage as the lawful avenue to satisfy the sexual cravings of the body especially those who want to follow the tenets and the teachings of the bibles. It’s a big issue for the Christians because sex before marriage is considered a sin.
As I indicated above, marriage means so many things to different people. Since there’s no perfect marriage anywhere on the planet, you should bear in mind that if you put in your best,you would get a better relationship.
If both of you work hand in hand, anything you want to achieve is possible to achieve in your marriage. Don’t go into the marriage because of what you can get from your partner (money,connection or link to politicians, reputation, position, partnership etc.) Enter into marriage with the intention of helping your partner to achieve a common goal in the marriage, and with this kind of thinking success can be guarantee in your marriage.
Make your partner your best pal and never hide anything from her or him. Amos 3:3 says “can two walk together, except they agree) Do everything in common with your partner and you would enjoy the fruits of marriage.
4. STARTLING DIVORCE STATISTICS
Top 10 countries with highest divorce rates in the world
10. United States of America-divorce rate 53%
9. France-divorce rate 55%
8. Cuba-divorce rate 56%
7. Estonia-divorce rate 58%
6. Luxembourg-divorce rate 60%
5. Spain-divorce rate 63%
4. Czech Republic-divorce rate 66%
3. Hungary-divorce rate 67%
2. Portugal-divorce rate 68%
1. Belgium-divorce rate 71%
We live in a world where bad news is just a click of the button and it will be a washed all over the news media and the social media. I am yet to see statistics about 30 most successful countries with stable marriages with 2% divorce rate. Because good news don’t sell, the media is not interested in such research.
Don’t look at the statistics and ask yourself whether you can sail through in marriage without divorce. I want to assure you that nothing will happen in your marriage if you have positive mindset into the marriage. Please read about 11 positive mindset to succeed in your relationship below
What you actually need to succeed your marriage is a positive mind set, humility, respect, love, faithfulness, sincerity, forgiveness, love, sharing and above all God Almighty.
Ignore the divorce statistics and work in your marriage. Don’t forget you and your partner are different
5. UNWILLINGNESS TO MAKE COMMITMENT
What’s commitment? Let me refresh your mind about what you already know about commitment. Commitment is a promise to do something or to behave in a particular way and be accountable when things fail.
As the word implies people are not ready to be held accountable for any commitment they have made. Marriage is a sacred commitment the individual intentionally makes without being force to do so. Since marriage comes with huge commitments either the commitment to remain faithful to only your spouse or commitment towards the payment of utility bills including other stuff, many people see it to be burdensome.
Yes, you ought to be committed in your marriage to reap its fruit. Don’t forget what the bible says in Proverbs 18:22 New King James Version (NKJV) He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. The Lord Almighty knows the commitment you have to make in order to provide for your family, so you would obtain favor not from man but from the Lord. This is a special favor for the married men. So don’t be afraid to get marry because of the commitments that come along with it.
6. FEAR OF RESPONSIBILITIES
Just like commitment, responsibility is a duty to be in charge of or look after something, so that you can be blamed if something bad happens. It therefore presupposes that responsibility goes deeper than commitment, while the former is a promise to be honored the latter is a duty that must be satisfied at all cost.
It’s your duty as father to take care of your household including your children. You can’t delegate this fatherly duty to any other person a part from you and your spouse. This is a very important duty to perform and many young people including some matured men are afraid to take up.
People prefer to date un-end but find it difficult to enter into marriage. Marriage comes with certain privileges and benefit so don’t be afraid to join the millions of people who are getting married every year. If others can do it, you can equally do it too or even do it better. Yes, you can, don’t underestimate yourself.
7. CHILD CARE AND MAINTENANCE
Fatherhood is not only making babies but nurturing, caring and raising children to become responsible adults in the future. Indeed, we all know so much is involved in raising kids these days. A part from the money equation that most guys are not ready to ‘shoulder’,there is also the parenting stuff you should pay attention to.
A lot of young men are not yet ready to be committed to child care and maintenance issue so they prefer to remain single even though they reach marriageable age and desire to get marry. Conquer your fear and enter into the marriage with your partner.
If you want to be fully prepared before going into marriage you would be left behind. Don’t lose sight of the fact that pregnancy is not guarantee just after marriage. The lucky ones get pregnant after one year of marriage, some after 5 years of marriage and others 10 years and more. Doctors are of the view that all things being equal, there should be pregnancy within the three years of copulation (sex) by the couples. But that’s not always the case.
Because you can’t guarantee when your spouse would get pregnant, the earlier you face your fear to enter into marriage with your fiancee, the better for you. Your child may need time to grow and become independent. Don’t look at only the financial aspect to hold you back from entering into marriage.
Go with courage and other things would fall in place in the course of the marriage. Young lady don’t be afraid to start with your fiance, with God all things are possible (Luke 1:37)
8. SOCIAL MEDIA PROPAGANDA
Do you know that the social media has launched a serious attack on marriages? Yes, they do because of the negative picture they paint about marriage. Many young people are fun of the social media and most of them take what the social media say as the gospel truth.
A celebrity break up or divorce could be running as a wild fire and that news could be enough to discourage many young people from trying to get into marriage. I hear some people say marriage is not a passport to heaven, so they care less to have anything to do with marriage. That sound like the lazy man’s answer in order not to face reality
Don’t allow the social media dictate to you about whether marriage is good for you or not. You are too smart to be influenced by the social media. The hype of negative news would always be with us but you must make your own decision about your future. Remember you are not growing younger.
9. DOUBT ABOUT FAITHFULNESS
Unfaithfulness or infidelity in relationships is a common occurrences these days across the globe. Both the married and the unmarried are all becoming unfaithful in their relationships.
Before writing this post I interviewed 10 young men about what according to their view is the cause of unwillingness of young people like them from getting married. An answer from one of the gentlemen struck me sharply. He said “I had encounter with three different ladies, but they were all not faithful to me” He said marriage is not part of the equation for me.
I can’t contest the issue of unfaithfulness on any platform and win. But wait a minute! Do you know the number of people who have been faithful in their relationships? You’ve no idea. This type of good news don’t make headlines. There are countless number of people who still remain faithful in their relationship. I’ve been faithful to my wife and she has equally been faithful for the past 10 years and over.
Don’t allow the issue of unfaithful to scare you from marriage. If you are faithful, know that others like you are equally faithful. Nothing venture nothing gain, my brother.
We’ve looked at negative perceptions people have about marriage and what they can do to overcome the negative perception. What have you learned to share with someone to encourage him or her to overcome their fears from about marriage? We want to hear from you.
Stay blessed and enjoy your weekend.