Do you know that human beings by nature are social beings? Yes, I know you know very well. It’s against this background that we are placed in families in order to be raised by responsible parents.
We all cherished and love our relationships either within or outside the family. However, certain behaviors, conducts, attitude and characters we demonstrate in the course of the relationship can lead to its ultimate destruction.
What we do directly or indirectly affect our beautiful relationships with our partners either in marriage life, family and friends relationships and our interaction with co-workers.
Below are the 8 things that can inflict your relationship like ants, termites or cockroaches.
A lie is a statement used intentionally for the purpose of deception. The practice of communicating lies is called lying and the person who communicates a lie, may be termed a liar. Lies may be employed to serve a variety of instrumental, interpersonal or psychological functions for the individuals who use them (Wikipedia)
Whatever intention you have by telling your partner a lie, there’s no justification for telling a lie in your relationships.
Lying in any relationship shows you can’t be trusted and depended upon by your partner. It affect your self-worth and confidence,because you can’t face challenges without cutting corners.
If your lies is discovered at the crucial moment when it becomes necessary to do so, trust is damaged and you would appear cheap before your partner and significant family and friends including co-workers. Who can trust a liar? Even when he or she ‘repent’ there will always be a question mark about whatever he or she says and does.
Lies will eventually inflict your relationships like ants, cockroaches and pests. Think about the damage lying can cause your relationship and avoid it. If you can’t stop telling lies, seek help immediately to save your relationship.
What’s selfishness? Selfishness is being concerned excessively or exclusively for one self or one’s own advantage, pleasure or welfare regardless of others.
Even though people claimed justification for selfishness in their relationship due to certain behaviors of their partners, any exhibition of selfish behavior should be done away with in relationship. Companies and businessmen& women cheat their customers and partners. Legislators pass laws that are detrimental to the citizens because they have been bribed due to selfishness and greed
But any meaningful relationship is about sharing each other’s worry, happiness and concerns. What are your goals in your relationship? Do you customize your goals to benefit your partner? If you didn’t have goals for your relationship, create one.
These are my personal relationship goals, which I modify at the end of every year
- To remain faithful to my wife no matter what happens ( whether she makes me happy or not)
- To talk less about her weaknesses
- Not to engage in verbal exchanges with her when we disagree with each other
- Discuss issues that worries me with her early dawn
- To have an open sexual discussion with her
- To have an open financial discussion with her about all my money matters
- Not to hide anything from her, even if she does
- Not to quarrel with her before the kids
- Not to insult her
- Not to gossip behind her before the kids
Making relationship goals guide you not to only thing of yourself but your partner as well
Disrespect is lack of respect for someone or for something such as the law.
Respect, the opposite of disrespect is a virtue cherished and adored in any relationship. Everybody in a relationship wants to be respected in respective of his or her status in society (whether rich or poor, educated or illiterate, beautiful or ugly etc.)
It reasons therefore that disrespect shouldn’t be allowed and entertained so as not to inflict and damage our relationships.
There are various ways people in relationship disrespect or exhibit such tendencies to their partners.
- Lack of appreciation when a partner has given you gifts or done something that needs commendation
- Not calling to inform your partner you’ll becoming late after work
- Screaming(shouting) at your partner during time of disagreement
- Not giving prior information before taking an action
- Ignoring (failing to introduce him or her) before your significant people
- Insulting your partner ( I will talk about insult a bit more)
- Doing things without involving the input (contribution) of your partner
- Undermining the efforts of your partner
- Demonstrating authoritative attitude towards your partner
- Not being polite in dealing with your partner
Someone who is unfaithful has sex with someone who is not their wife, husband or usual partner. The social media including the internet is breeding profusely about issues of unfaithfulness in relationships. Many people have come to realize that faithfulness is one of the concerns that must attract attention and be given the prominence in relationship.
Is unfaithfulness only about sexual affair? Your guess is as good as mine. No! Now let’s look at ways we become unfaithful in our relationship.
- Engaging in emotional affair at the blind side of your partner
- Giving someone enough attention rather than your partner
- Lying to take advantage of your partner
- Hiding your finance from your partner
- Hiding a property from your partner
- Failing to tell the truth all the time etc.
Check the ways you have been unfaithful in your relationship and change for the good of the union.It’s possible to remain faithful if you want to.
Jealousy, Feeling angry and unhappy that someone you love or like is showing interest in another person or another person is showing interest in them.
Is jealousy really that bad in marital or any other relationship? Yes or No! is my answer.
What’s good about jealousy in a relationship?
- It helps to drive away potential intruders ( people who can influence your partner and engage them into affair)
- Tells your partner you love and care about them
- Protect your partner from potential danger (dangers) ahead
- Puts you in check ( not to take your partner for granted)
Even God Almighty, the creator of heavens and earth declared He’s a jealous God and he put that feeling (nature of jealousy into us) Exodus 34:14 and Exodus 20:5. If the creator doesn’t want us to share his love with any other earthly gods, then you can understand the essence of jealousy in a relationship especially marital relationship.
What’s the negative aspect of jealousy?
1. Jealousy can damage your relationship when it becomes ‘extreme’
2. It makes it impossible to trust your partner
3. You become suspicious about everything your partner does
4. “Too much jealousy” doesn’t make room for you to enjoy your relationship
5. It can lead to evil actions (murder, physical harm, or divorce) based on mere suspicions and allegations
So, much as there are positive aspect of jealousy, we should also be careful about the negative effects of jealousy so as not to damage and destroy our relationship.
Pride is a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one’s own achievements, the achievements of one’s close associates, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.
Pride is something I have talked about quite extensively in one of my post. If you’ve read it yet, you can visit the post at https://parentrens.com/2018/11/23/Consequences-of-pride-in-marriage-is-irreversible
Eschew all demonstrations of pride in your relationship if you want to stay longer with your partner. Pride is a relationship killer and destroyer. It shouldn’t be part of the vocabulary you think of and use in your home and walking life. Avoid it before it consumes you like wildfires.
Envy is the feeling of wanting something that someone else has. In our relationship, there’s the likelihood to think of being like the other couples who are rich, successful, famous and with lovely and intelligent kids. Who doesn’t all these? We all want them but you must plan to have them.
When people are crazily envious of others relationship, they are likely not to appreciate their partners and enjoy their relationship. Their focus would always be on what they can’t have and this mentality will be a great danger to having happy relationship.
Any good relationship you see from a far doesn’t happen overnight.It takes hard work, commitment, sacrifices, patience, focus and determination to get to where they presently are today. If you want a good relationship, put in the extra effort, and you would have exactly that.
Let me leave you with a quote from Lack Canfield ‘’Envision the future you desire. Create the Life of your dreams. See it, Feel it, Believe it”.
Insult is to say or do something that is rude and offensive to someone.
Do you shout and scream on your partner in order to send your message? How do you react when you are angry about your partner? Do you make him or her to feel insulted?
Watch your action and behavior when you become angry! Insult is an affront to any well-meaning relationship and shouldn’t find its way into civilized and modern day union.
Anger is a strong feeling of wanting to harm, hurt or criticize someone because they have done something unfair, cruel or offensive.
Who doesn’t get angry in a relationship? May be you don’t but I do get angry. I must admit I am a hot-tempered individual who always want to react to issues I consider unfair but I’ve overcome it so I can help counsel and advise others that they can also change and build healthy relationship with their partnership.
How do we deal with anger?
- Don’t react promptly to things you consider offensive. Sit down and take a second look at what you want to react to
- Ignore certain things that come your way
- See yourself as not being perfect
- See your partner as imperfect person, and manage to live with him or her
- Recognize that you can’t always get what you want
- Factor in the concerns of your partner in all you reactions
- Recognize that you can’t control what people would do and say
- Recognize that you have the will power to control what you allow to bother and worry you.
We’ve been able to discuss 9 things that can inflict and damage our relationships. As a way of recap we look at:
Let’s continue to work on our relationship bye eliminating negative things that CAN damage the union while integrating positive things that would enhance the relationship.
Enjoy your weekend and watch out for my Monday post on 10 TRADITIONAL RELATIONSHIP ENHANCERS to boost your love relationship
It’s me your friend