MARRIAGE IS NOT A COMPETITION BETWEEN WIFE AND HUSBAND
6 REASONS THERE SHOULDN’T BE COMPETITION IN MARRIAGE
Marriage is not just a union between a man and a woman who are connected emotionally, sexually, physically and spiritually. Whether the marriage is constituted as traditional, legal or ordinance marriage there’s more to it than many people know. The fact of the matter as you know is:marriage is a whole institution with many departments in it to be handled. Its many parts very often bring about the many marital conflicts we see in most marriage homes.
Unfortunately unlike legal entity such as companies and corporations with different line managers or officers employed to manage the various units and departments, marriage has only two managers, you the man and your wife.
In the course of managing the various issues in the marriage, some couples begin to compete with each other as if they (the man & the wife) are companies competing for the same market shares. Do some couples really compete each other in marriage? yes they do!
Below are the 6 reasons why there shouldn’t be any thought of competition between husband and wife in marriage?
1. COMPETITION BRINGS RIVALRY IN MARRIAGE
What then is competition? Competition has so many definitions but I picked this one to suit my content. Competition is an event in which people take part in order to find out who is best at a particular activity. Competition gives birth to rivalry and any competitor has an ulterior motive to overdo his or competitor
By now you might probably be asking yourself how couples compete among themselves in marriage. Wait a minute! Competition in marriage comes in various forms.
Couples compete about who’s having the most money, whose instructions should the kids obey the most, who should control the decision of the home, decision about which country to go for vacation among others.
There should be consensus building among couples without any one person trying to undo the other in order to claim victory. Let the kids know that the instruction to do certain things is coming from you (the parent) and not you the mother or the father.
The decision for a vacation should be mutually discussed and concluded by both partners whether you are the one providing the most money or not.
2. COMPITITION UNDERMINES THE PURPOSE OF MARRIAGE
Marriage as an institution thrives when there is harmony and mutual respect for each other.
Couples should resist any attempt to compete with each other in the marriage. If you have less money or education than your partner, don’t try to compete with him or her. God brings you together to complement each other for the benefit of the marriage. In the same way if you have more money or education don’t dominate decision in the home
Don’t try to undermine each other in order to prove you matter in the marriage. Assist him or her to succeed even if he or she doesn’t recognize you contributions. That’s the sacrifice you have to make in your marriage; which will pay off in the days to come. Why? Many people are not ready to pay this price.
3. COMPETITION UNDERMINES RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER
When people are competing against each other, they see each other as rival and this affect the quality of relationship they have for each other.
Couples who compete with each other are less likely to respect each other because of the tendency for one couple to think he or she is better than the spouse.
When we were in high school, the school inter zonal games have always been fraught with competition and we wished something bad happened to our sister schools we were competing with. But those days that was the thinking, evil thought though.
Enjoy your marriage with your partner and avoid competition in your marriage.
4. COMPETITION LEADS TO PRIDE
I talked about effects of pride in marriage so I wouldn’t spend time to talk about consequences of pride in marriage and I wouldn’t go into it again. You can read about them on the website
Since every competition must produce a winner, you shouldn’t do anything that would project you above your spouse. Avoid the use of I did this or that in you communication.
In all engagement with your spouse be sensitive to how your spouse will interpret and react to your communication. Read about the post consequences of pride in marriage is irreversible if you haven’t read it yet. Find it here https://parentrens.com/2018/11/23/consequences-of-pride-in-marriage-irreversible
5. COMPETITION BREEDS UNHAPPINESS
Anytime your partner feel that your conducts and behaviors suggest you are better than him or her, there will be the tendency for him or her to oppose you in everything you do.
When this happens, neither of you will be happy in the marriage because you are failing to complement the effort of each other in the marriage.
Don’t live to endure and manage your marriage but rather create the opportunity to enjoy your marriage. Play your part very well and encourage the effort of your partner for a successful marriage. There’s no magic formula for a happy marriage. Everything depends on you (the people who are involved in the marriage)
You can have a happy marriage if you change your negative marriage mentality to positive and happy marriage mindset.Everything is possible to those that believe. Who tells you we can’t have happy and successful marriage in our times. An old man told me something a week to my wedding. He said” marriage is like phlegm, you have to swallow some and spit some out, but I should swallow plenty inside my stomach”. In effect, he’s telling me to overlook a lot of them is takes and weaknesses of my wife. If I want to talk about everything I see wrong about my partner, neither of us would be happy.
This advice has worked for me in the last 15 years and it’s still working for me to date. It can work for you also. “No two I know it all” and “I know my rights” can stay happily together in marriage. The marriage would be too small to accommodate them. One has to behave as a “fool” sometimes. Many people don’t want to hear this truth but it’s a fact.
6. COMPETITION UNDERMINES UNITY
Have you remembered the scripture verse that says “Can two walk together except they agree to do so” (Amos 3:3) Competitors in the secular world don’t agree on a common “thing” because each person representing his or her organization or company has the company’s interest to protect.
Marriage is all about team work and unity between husband and wife. You must agree more and disagree less if you want to see a happy and successful marriage.
Another scripture I want to leave with you is from Ecclesiastes 4:9 “ two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor; if either of them falls down one can help the other ( Bible Gateway)
Purpose in your heart to work together closely with your partner without hiding anything from him or her. No one is so sufficient that he or she might not need the partner. We all need each other in the marriage for its sustainability. You can’t live like an island in your marriage. If you are not connecting properly (emotionally,psychologically, physically and spiritually) with your partner, something is missing and must be connected as soon as possible.
We’ve been able to discuss reasons why we should avoid competition in our marriage; so as to have happy and long lasting marriage relationship.The bottom line is avoid all manifestations of real or perceived competition in your marriage.
Have a beautiful weekend and expect a surprise post tomorrow for your Saturday relaxation and reflections.