Communication is the process by which people exchange information or express their feelings and thoughts, in otherwise the means by which you freely express yourself so well that your partner can understand.
The question then is do we have a problem about communication in marriage? Your guess is as right as mine. We have a big challenge about communication not only in marriage but between people, organization and institution.
For healthy family relationship, communication is pivotal in running activities of the home. Any breakdown in communication, is a breakdown in the “health of the family”
Below are the 13 possible barriers to communication in marriage relationship.
- CHOOSING THE WRONG TIME TO COMMUNICATE YOUR MESSAGE
In the process of communicating our message to our partners we normally don’t consider the right time to put our views and feelings across. Probably due to the fact that many people are angry before going into the discussion with their partners. When this happens,people choose the wrong time to send their message because they want to get the issue out of their chests. You must get the issue out of your chest but look at the appropriateness of the time you are choosing to send you message so that you can get the full attention of your spouse.
2. DON’T PRE-JUDGE THE ISSUE
It’s good to go into any discussion with your partner from a neutral point of view. You may be right in your own understanding of the issue and your partner may also think he or she’s right.But go into the discussion with plain mind with the intention of understanding your partner’s side of the issue. You can set a grand rule that nobody is right neither wrong until you find a solution.
3. DON’T BE NEGATIVE IN YOUR COMMUNICATION
This is an area where some people get it all wrong. Don’t assumed anything negative because you think in your mind that you wouldn’t get a good hearing from your partner and that you would be at the losing end.
Don’t assumed that your partner would fail to give you the opportunity to fully express your feelings and thoughts. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and have a positive mind.Every thought is a cause and every condition is an effect. Your subconscious mind takes you at your word and sees to it that you get what you believe. The law of life is the law of belief. A belief is a thought in your mind. Do not believe in things to harm or hurt you. Believe in the power of your subconscious mind.
4. DON’T READ YOUR PARTNERS’ MIND GOING INTO THE COMMUNICATION
Many of us go into communication with our partners knowing what they are going to say or tell us. Studies have shown that most of the assumptions we make about people are wrong.
If you are always going into communication with already rehearsed assumptions about your partner’s thoughts,he or she would find it difficult to engage in any fruitful discussion with you.
5. THE BLAME GAME SYNDROME
Do you go into discussion with your partner by pointing accusing figure at him or her? Blaming your spouse while going into discussion exonerate you from the issue to be discussed and put your partner at the spot light.
It sends a wrong signal to him or she and this will affect any healthy communication between the two of you. Don’t blame your partner even if you are right, seek to find solution to the problem rather than blaming your partner.
6. DON’T BE DEFENSIVE
Going into discussion with your partner while on the defense or being defensive in your approach to communication, would render the discussion ineffective.
If you think you are always right, you are indirectly telling your partner he or she is wrong in the first place and ought to accept his or her fault. Would you accept that approach going into any communication? Don’t be defensive, go into the discussion with a free mind and let the communication flow.
7. NOT LISTENING TO YOUR PARTNER
I have always been accused by my wife, Elizabeth of not being a good listener. She always has a problem with me when it gets to communication. I have now decided to give her undivided attention so that I can get the full input of her concerns.
Pay attention to your spouse when you decided to have a discussion to thrash out issues that are affecting the marriage or your personal life in the marriage. Many people don’t really listen when going into discussion with their spouse. Don’t deceive yourself and pretend to be listening while the problem still persists. Get into the bottom and resolve the issue once and for all.
8. FAILURE TO HAVE QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR PARTNER
If there are issues in the marriage, you must find time to engage your partner to resolve the issues. I still have issues with my wife that we normally have to find time to talk about.
Failure to have time to discuss challenges in the marriage, is failure to build a healthy successful marriage relationship. If you value your marriage and the family, set a side quality time to resolve issues.9.
9. FADING LOVE IN THE MARRIAGE
When people are falling out of love, communication becomes problematic because partners are no more intrigue to have discussion with each other. Some partners deliberately give excuses to have any fruitful discussion that would build the relationship because love is no more.
Love can be restored when the fundamental problems are identified and resolved in the marriage. Don’t be focused so much about the negative side of your partner but learn to manage him or her and decide that you would sacrifice to make the relationship work.
10. DON’T FOCUS ON YOURSELF ALONE
If you are going into discussion with your partner and focus on what you want without taking into account the concerns and feelings of your partner, you will fail miserably. Communication is a two way affair and you must accept the concerns of your spouse as well.
Don’t be selfish by focusing only on what you want. If you do so, you will always be unhappy after any communication with him or her. Think about your partner and do something about his or her concerns.
11. SCREAMING AT YOUR PARTNER
Do you know your partner is very sensitive to your tone when communicating with her? My wife is very sensitive anytime I raise my voice no matter how little I show my displeasure about something that did go wrong.Don’t raise your voice on your partner. Men normally raise their voices when they are unhappy with their spouse for one wrong thing or the other. If your partner is hurt she won’t open up during the communication. Avoid anything that will hurt your partner going into the communication.
12. DEVELOPING A WIN-WIN ATTITUDE
Don’t go into any communication with your partner with the intention to win the discussion or the argument. If you win and he didn’t (your partner) wouldn’t be happy and the problem will continue to linger on.Develop a win-win attitude going into the discussion with him or her. After all you want to deal with a problem and not find fault and point accusing figure against him or her.
13. AVOID THE ISSUE OF THE PAST
Bringing up any issue that has been discussed and conclusion arrived at in any new discussion is a recipe for disaster in your marriage. Don’t bring up the past, it’s gone and will not come back again.
It is one of the major issues couples have to deal with and some women including my wife are found of bring up the past into new discussion. Avoid it altogether. Deal with the moment by addressing the problem that it brings.
Communication is so important in marriage relationship and couples must work on their communication with their partners on daily basis. We have identified 13 barriers that can hinder communication between you and your partner. I want you to clear these barriers and increase communication in your marriage.
Until we meet again