CAUSES OF ROMANTIC INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE- A woman’s perspective
People who go into marriage were predominantly moved by love and all other considerations at the time were secondary to them. However, along the line, things may fall apart and once time lovers in a beautiful relationship begin to look somewhere to find the romance that has been missing in the marriage.
Even though, extra marital affair is wrong in all its facets, the situations people find themselves sometimes may be responsible for affair no matter the good intentions they initially may have before going into the marriage relationship.
- DECLINING SEXUAL ATTRACTION TOWARDS ONE’S PARTNER
Yes, sexual attraction towards one’s partner can occur at certain point in the relationship. A lot of factors can be assigned to this, but, for the sake of this post, I would talk about real evidence that can lead to declining sexual attraction towards your spouse or partner.
Unhappiness on the part of the woman or the man in the relationship can lead to decline sexual attraction. Since sex is an emotional thing, couples who are not happy turn to have negative feelings towards their partners, thus closing the door to sexual intimacy.
Women, especially are most affected when all is not going well in the relationship with their spouse. When this happens, women are likely to hold their sexual feelings and emotions and turn to have negative sexual attitude in the relationship. Many factors could be responsible including lack of money, hurtful feelings, un-forgiveness, greed, etc.
Unfortunately and strangely, men turn to look out for sexual fulfillment elsewhere outside their home faster than women. In fact, the statistics about marital infidelity is mind boggling and frightening. Some women are compelled to join the men to engage in affair to fulfill their sexual need and also to retaliate when they realized they realized that their partners are also cheating on them. It’s like we need to address our sexual issues in our marriage relationship as serious as we begin the marriage.
- BORING SEXUAL LIFE
Sex can indeed be boring as the relationship grows and the partners begin to take each other’s sexual needs for granted. This situation reduces the sexual appeal couples may have for each other.
In many society, men are expected to show sexual leadership in order to show the woman what to do during the sexual encounter. If the man is unable to teach the woman probably new ways of having sex and the woman is always playing the ‘typical role as just a follower’, boredom will sex in.
Sex should be initiated by both partners in the marriage; it shouldn’t be reserved to only the men. Even though it appears men are always taken the lead, nothing prevents you the woman from introducing new excitement in your sexual life by teaching your partner what to do.
Do you know some married men go to the brothels just to have sex with prostitutes just to experience some new sexual styles they haven’t experience in their marriage life before? It may seem funny and weird, but it is happening in both the developed and the developing countries. There are numerous sites that allow for extra marital affairs worldwide with the advent of the internet.
Couples should engage and resolve any issue that may lead to extra marital affair outside the mandated married home.
- AVAILABILITY OF ABUNDANCE FAMILY PLANNING DRUGS
I am sure you know the numerous family planning drugs or devices in the pharmaceutical stores or shops in your neighborhood.
In time past, couples in marriage relationship are scared to engage in sex outside their marriage because of the likelihood of pregnancy. Molarity is upheld to the highest standard and nobody wants to compromise with the standard set by the society.
However in these and age, thanks to advance in technology, many devices are available to many people at relatively low prices; making it easy for couples to cheat on each other without any suspicion or pregnancy. Yes, people in marriage are actively having sex on the blind side of their partners, owing to the availability of family planning pills.
I heard a story of a woman who adopts a 5 years family planning method by implanting a device that will make it impossible for her to get pregnant with the boy friend. The husband has no idea of the affair and the family planning implant of the wife.
Don’t take advantage of the availability of these devices and engage yourself in illicit sexual affairs. Let your conscious and the vow you made before your God guide you.
- LACK OF SELF CONTROL
You mean self-control, yes, I mean self-control. I said lack of self-control made people to resist the temptation to have affair outside the marriage home. Wikipedia defines self-control as an aspect of inhibitory control (the ability to regulate one’s emotions, thoughts and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses).
As an executive function, self-control is a cognitive process that is necessary for one’s behavior in order to achieve a specific goal.
As a human being, your thought is translated to how you feel and your feelings lead to the action you eventually take. The inability of some couples in marriage to control their sexual emotions when exposed to sexually attractive persons, easily make them lose self-control and affair becomes inevitable.
Any type of sexual affair first takes place in the mind, rehearse and refine before it actually get executed.
The power to control your emotions lies in your dominant conscious mind and you can tame it under your will. We are all expose to various situations at our workplaces, on the internet and our neighborhood, but we need to adopt self-control we dream of having successful marriage relationship that can stand the test of time.
- INFLUENCE OF THE SOCIAL MEDIA
Hey! This social media thing has come to stay and will not go away anytime soon. More and more people are making friends across the length and breadth of the globe.
The discovery of new friends usually come with sexual chemistry between two opposite sex (who are connecting for the first time). A man discovered from Facebook that the wife was having affair with another young man by changing her name and profile. I know similar situations are happening around your neighborhood.
Couples who are dissatisfied with their sexual life are like to resort to the social to find sexual partners. Some of this affair are emotional in nature just to fill the void. Others are engaging in actual affair when the opportunity is ripe for such affair to take place.
There are numerous site facilitating such process with a fee. Don’t be surprised to see many more site asking people to engage in extra marital affairs.
- 6. SEXUAL DISCONNECTION WITH ONE’S PARTNER
I have heard some men say “variety is the best way to enjoy life” It will be disingenuous on my part to think and say variety is not good. Everybody wants to change his or her clothes, shoes, cars, food etc. regularly to keep up to the time and not be branded outmoded.
Some people in marriage union emotionally disconnect themselves from their partner’s either intentionally or as a result of some unsettled disputes between the couples.
A lot of things might have been going wrong in the marriage before a partner will decide to disconnect with one sexual partner. Since sex is laced with emotions, the sexual chemistry that normally opens the door for great sex can be closed if the woman in no more happy with the spouse in the marriage.
Women who find themselves in this situation gives excuses to avoid sex with their partners. However, instead of reconnecting yourself with someone else, why don’t you try and bring back the past romance by settling any underlying causes of the sexual disconnection with your partner.
- EXPOSURE TO SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE LADIES AND WOMEN
Today’s ladies and women will always be beautiful and attractive than women a few years back. This is the way nature has design to go about its creation.
Some of these women and ladies, my goodness, are well shaped matched from top to toe and you can’t take your eyes from them. Coming into contact with different attractive women is natural so far as movement from one place to another is concerned.
The issue is your focus and attention you give to these images in your mind. Your concentration of attention in your mind on these women will trigger an emotional that will force you to strike sexual a chord with them.
The “sex war” is in the mind and until you master your mind you would always be driven by emotions rather than your will. Your mind is under the control of the will, because our mind can very often mislead us to do something we may later regret. Don’t trust your mind, it can’t be your best guide.
- DELAY IN GETTING PREGNANT
In some societies across the world, married couples MUST necessarily have a child. This situation forced many couples without children to resort to having extra marital affairs just to have children in order to satisfy their families and their society. Unbelievable. Please, you can believe it or not, but that’s the beauty of culture no matter how you look at it.
In a particular society men engaged other men who have children with their wives to have sex with their wives so that the bashing from the society will stop. In all these situations, the couples involved agreed to take their destiny into their own hands. What name can we give to this situation (when couples agree to engage in sex with other married couples), I will be happy to know your thought?
Some desperate women in attempt to save their marriages also engage in affairs in order to get pregnant and give the pregnancies to their “ignorant” husbands” who might think God has finally heard their prayers without knowing what took place behind the scene. In a society where this take place, women are very much blamed to be the cause of their barrenness. They assumed they have caused abortions or otherwise. What a pity! Men inability to fertilize the egg of the woman is very often overlooked.
If you find yourself in a geographical environment where your marriage is nobody’s business, count yourself blessed. So, we shouldn’t be quick to make judgment because we live in different cultures, political economy, education system etc.
- ADDICTION TO PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIALS
Addiction, yes, addiction to pornography materials. What then is addiction? There are thousands of definition, but for the sake of this post, I will define addiction as the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity.
There are hundreds of thousands of pornographic materials on the internet. 95% of these materials are free to use and download, making viewing of such materials at one’s figure tip.
The fact of the matter is that anybody who watches these explicit photos and videos would have the urge to have sex, it doesn’t whether you’re a priest, a religious leader, a bishop or a nun. Naked sexual materials are like electricity which can catch fire in everybody.
Once you identify your addiction to pornography, seek help immediately or tell your spouse to help you deal with the problem. Don’t hide the problem from your spouse. Affair is not the way to go.
- SEX FOR FUN
Fun! You mean fun! Yes I mean people go all out to have sex without any string attached to it. I know what am talking about.
A Facebook leaked data exposed married women in a particular African country who are engaging in extra marital affairs after work or arranged to engage in such act.
We live in an age where people are always looking for pleasures so that they can satisfy their insatiable desires. There are so many ways couple can plan together to have fun. Sex alone with someone else rather than one’s legitimate spouse, doesn’t constitute fun, my opinion.
In some part of the world, couples swap their partners with other willing couples who want to engage in the wife swap. How do we call this one to? This is a mutually agreed decision, without guilt feeling on anybody’s part in the relationship.
I think marriage couples ought to define what constitute fun in their marriages and the territories that must not be crossed. Funny world, funny people! There could be other reasons why people engage in romantic marriage affair. I want to hear your view
We have been able to look at infidelity and why married couples still go out of their way to have affair with someone other than their spouses. We narrowed down to 10 causes even though there are other reasons why people do what they do.
Tomorrow, God’s willing I will talk about practical ways of dealing with extra marital affairs. I would be happy to have you join me.
Until we connect again,