Anyone who enters into marriage has one aim; to live a happy life till death separate them and their partner’s a part. Even though people may have their own unique reasons for entering into the marriage relationship, the common denominator is to stay longer and enjoy the fruit of the marriage.
We can’t stop talking about marriage because it’s the bedrock of any great society. However our marriages don’t seem to produce the kind of fruit we expect to see in our relationships. Many marriages are bedevil with marriage problems and avoidable marital conflicts, which can be preventable if we decide to take pragmatic steps to address our marriage challenges.
Below are the 16 personal keys you need for long lasting and successful marriage relationship.
Patience, the ability to wait calmly for a long time and accept delays without becoming angry or overly anxious is missing in our marriage life. Lack of patience makes it difficult for us to accept trouble in our marriage and wait patiently for things to change without complaining or becoming annoyed with our marriage partners. Some people easily lose their patience when things are really tough. I know how it feels to be bombarded with one challenge or the other but that’s why we need to possess patience as a key to guard us in our marriage. “Tie” patience around your wait and I can guarantee you long lasting relationship.
Humility, the quality of not being too proud about yourself and look down on your partner has taken a toll in our marriages. Without humility, it will be difficult to accommodate and accept your partner’s view in the relationship. Remember, you don’t have all the wisdom you need to succeed in your marriage. Be humble and get the benefit of what your partner brings into the relationship. Some people coil in the marriage because their partners appear to have known everything. If you relegate her or him to the background and run things in the marriage a lone, you are bound to fail, but if you have humility in you, you are assure of successful marriage devoid of marriage conflicts.
Respect, to be careful to do anything against your partner’s wishes and hold high standard and opinion of your partner has been missing in many of our marriages across the globe. We’ve heard a number of times that respect is give and take. If you respect me I will equally respect you. It’s simple as ABC. However, as marriages grow, some couples are likely to do the opposite. Either the husband doesn’t respect the wife anymore or the opposite prevails.
A counsellor once said ‘if you can’t respect him or her don’t marry him or her because the marriage will not stand on its feet, because there’s nothing to hold it. Good and long lasting relationship survive when partners respect each other dearly.
Tolerance, willingness to allow people to do, say or believe what they want without criticizing them is another issue in our marriage that we must deal with. When partners in marriage can’t any longer tolerate the views or opinion of their partners, then such a relationship will be heading to hit the rock. We are created differently and hold different believe and opinions about issues. You should create space to tolerate your partner in his or her engagement with you. Be tolerable so that you can grow with your partner and secure the successful marriage relationship you’re seeking to achieve.
Forgiveness, the ability not to blame someone or be angry with them although they have done something wrong or the ability to forgive someone as if nothing happen is a big thing for people in marriages. In fact, many of us pretend to forgive but still hold issue against the persons who offends us. In marriage relationships, offences will come and we should have the moral high ground to forgive our partners. Don’t keep any record of the wrong and don’t retaliate indirectly against you partner. Once, you have decided to forgive your partner, let sleeping dogs lie. If you practice forgiveness truthfully, you can live with any person under the planet. You can, and you have to.
- REDUCE CRITICISM OR AVOID IT
Criticism, the act of giving your opinion or judgment about the good qualities of someone or something isn’t bad in itself but the negative aspect is the big thing. If you continue to see everything bad about your partner and turn blind eyes to the good things she or he does, they won’t take kindly to your criticism.
You must employ criticism if you think, your partner won’t be affected by your expression. It amazes me how we normally focus on the negative aspect of our relationship without seeing anything good to be proud of. Stop it altogether if you can’t have anything good to say about him or her.
- POSITIVE ATTITUDE
A positive attitude is something that goes deeper and has an effect beyond surface cheer. Negative attitude promote fear, and a narrowing of focus and the mind, while positive attitude help to master the courage to move on no matter the challenges.
What mind set do you have for the relationship? is it positive or negative? Do you think things can work perfectly along the line for you in the marriage? In fact, according to proponents of to the law of attraction, ‘you attract what you always focus your attention on’. Focus on the positive aspect of the marriage and things will be well with you in the marriage.
- DROP ANY HURTFUL FEELING
Any form of hurtful feelings can lead to negative attitude towards your partner. If you are hurt by your partner, discuss how you feel with him or her and settle issues right there. Don’t ponder over and over with the issue, it will only trigger negative emotions in you.
Try and live peacefully with your partner. Feeling hurt and being negative in the marriage is bad for you. Every marriage has it fair share of marriage problems but people learn to manage the problem and live with each other. Happy marriage is just a concept. There’s nothing like happy marriage but people are content with their marriages because they learn to accommodate their differences and dwell on the positive side of their partners.
Understanding, sympathy towards someone character and behavior is important in any marriage relationship. How do you judge the meaning of your partner’s conduct and behavior without becoming judgmental?
Sometimes, I find it difficult to understand my wife because she does things without looking at the men’s side of issue. We need to understand the fact that we think and act about things differently. That’s the reason why we need to be understanding in our marriages. When we exercise a little bit of understanding, we can avoid a lot of unnecessary marital conflicts in our marriage home.
Accommodating, to provide enough space for something or someone is needed in marriage relationships. If you are not ready to accommodate your partner, you can’t have a long lasting relationship in your marriage. There are a lot of things you can’t change about your partner, because such behaviors are part and parcel of your partner’s lifestyle.
Learn to accommodate the differences and build on the strengths you both have together. Remember it’s not everything you do that your partner likes but he or she is managing to accommodate you so that the marriage can stay alive and be an example to other marriages.
- NO SELFISHNESS
Selfishness, caring about yourself and not about the other person is devish. No marriage can travel past three years when it’s established that one partner thinks only about his or her interest without factoring in the partner. You can’t be married and do things independent of your partner.
Lay everything bare and share whatever comes into the relationship together. I have seen women who can’t take it anymore than to ask for divorce. Avoid any form of selfishness whether material or financial.
- NO INFIDELITY
Having any form of sexual affair besides your married partner should be avoided at all cost if you want to have long lasting and successful marriage. There’s no justification for an affair. If you have any issue with your partner about your sexual life, discuss it and let him or her understand how you feel.
An affair is a lazy man approach to run away from real issues in the marriage. Confront the issue without committing any infidelity in your marriage. The implication of infidelity is far reaching and you may not be able to overcome the guilt feeling no matter how you try to close the chapter from your mind.
- NO NAGGING
Nagging, making you feel worry or pain all the time is bad for your marriage. When you continue to nag in the marriage, you are likely to close the door for appreciation of your partner. No one will be happy staying with a partner who is always not happy in the relationship.
People nag about everything their partners do. They nag about the food, dressing, home maintenance, money, kids, friends etc. Stop the nagging because you are not perfect and don’t think of living with a perfect human being. Your partner is just like you. You have your weaknesses and so is your partner.
- NO COMPARISON
Comparison, the process of comparing two people or thing should not surface in your thinking. Every marriage is unique and comes with its own problems; that may not be known to you. What we see about couples outside will not tell us the whole story about what they go through in their marriage life.
So, if you want to enjoy a happy and complete marriage life stop all forms of comparison.
Communication, the process by which people express their feelings or thought should play an active part in your marriage. If communication between you and your partner becomes defective, you should quickly engage each other and address the problem.
Anybody who hurts the partner or wrongs him or her should apologize and ask for forgiveness. Whatever the issue is keep the door to communication widely open in the relationship.
Prayer, words that you say when praying to God. I don’t know what you believe in but I can say on authority that prayer works. The fact of the marriage journey is that it’s a long one and we can all get distracted along the line when we are confronted with the reality of life.
Your partner may put up certain behaviors you don’ expect from him or her. In otherwise, he or she might change completely. What do you in all these? Pray and ask God to intervene in your marriage. When we pray he hear us (Psalms 91:15). I would encourage you to keep on praying for your partner and the marriage always.
We have been able to identify 16 marriage keys you need to ensure long lasting marriage relationship. Use the keys and see a tremendous change in your marriage life. Look out for my next post about the causes of extra marital affairs in marriages. You can’t afford to miss it. Please leave your comment. Thank you.