9 WAYS MEN’S FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES AFFECT THEIR MARITAL STABILITY AND HARMONY AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THE CHALLENGE

I heard it said many times that money is the blood that run company, without which many companies become liquidated or file for bankruptcies. So is the institution called marriage? Money plays a crucial role in its maintenance as we do in the case of companies.

The role money plays in ensuring marital stability or harmony can’t be taken for granted. Listed below are the 9 ways men’s financial crisis affect their marital stability and harmony in the homes and what they can do in the midst of the difficulties.

  1. IT AFFECTS THE QUALITY OF LIVES IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Even though money is in constant circulation around the world, its stoppage at one point in time or the other can affect the way companies run do business.

In the family, the inability to provide enough money in the home can affect the quality of food the household eat, the kind of health care to access, the kind of residence to live in, the kind of clothing and shoes to wear and the type of education you kids can attend.

In fact, shortage of fund in the home is more than hell and very often makes life unbearable for women and children. When financial crisis occurs, it creates marriage dissatisfaction and disharmony in the marriage.

A research conducted by www.researchgate.net identified financial crisis as one of the causes of poor quality of life in the home and suggested for couples to adopt new financial management skills to deal with the problem.

Don’t leave the responsibilities on the shoulder of your wife when your financial situation collapsed. Let her know your current financial difficulties so that she can support you to take care of the family by adjusting the family budget. Don’t just sit down, hope and pray for things to change without you taking any action to deal with the crisis in the home. Look for any available job with a meagre salary to start with just to support the family in the interim or start a small side business. Start small with something you love doing without be forced or approved by anybody.

Don’t blame and apportioned blame to anybody. Financial difficulties may come about as a result of job losses, retrenchment, business collapse, unemployment, ill health or sickness, temporal or permanent disability etc. These crisis are inevitable and companies are not left out either. So put yourself together and face the situation head on.

More generally, conflict over money matters is one of the most important problems in contemporary married life (Papp et. Al, 2009).So deal with your financial issues as quickly as possible.

  1. IT AFFECTS INTIMACY AND ROMANCE IN THE MARRIAGE

We have established credibly that the liquid that runs the home is money just like any household. Without petrol a car can’t move no matter how beautiful, strong and new the car is. When a woman is struggling financially to take care of herself and the kids, chances are that she will disconnect herself from the husband.

When women are struggling financially in marriage, the questions they ask themselves may range from: Why am I in this marriage at all? Should I still call myself a married woman when my husband can’t seem to help me out the financial situation? Do I continue to wear the ring? Do I have affair to save the situation? Etc.

I head a woman who was struggling financially to take care of the man and the household because the man’s business collapsed that “I don’t feel your absence or miss you in this marriage anymore”. Why these harsh words you probably ask? Because the man brings nothing home to support the home so whether absent or present, nothing changes. The woman in question is a hard working woman but lack patience for the man to put himself in order.

When this type of situation happens, woman find it difficult to give in to sex because sex is emotional thing and once the person is dealing with financial stress to put food on the table, sex becomes a forgotten menu for most struggling women in marriage. If the situation is not address quickly it may lead to other marital problems or issues.

Assist your partner and don’t deny him sex at all. The frequency may reduce owing to the fact that you are always tired getting stuff home and the man should understand the trying times and cope with the situation.

  1. IT MAY AFFECT THE CONFIDENCE OF THE MAN

Every man with all things being equal may have a desire to provide the needs of the family. Almost all men see it as their primary responsibility to do so. However, when unexpected happenings such as business collapse or lay off occurred, the man’s plans for the family is thrown in to the bin.

This is a telling moment in any man’s life and his self-confidence becomes eroded leading to frustration and stress in most cases. A branch manager of a reputable bank couldn’t take it anymore when news available to him indicated that his bank is insolvent and would be taken over by the central bank. The man drove his car to a bridge, packed the car and jumped into the water and died.

As a matter of fact, when men can’t provide for their family anymore, they questioned their very existence, leading to some men commuting suicide. They feel they have failed in life and disappointed their family and the society.

As a woman you must continue to encourage him without necessary pointing figures at him. He needs your tender care and love to keep going when his strength becomes weak.

  1. IT AFFECTS THE RESPECT THE WOMAN GIVE TO THE MAN

Let call a spade a space and nothing else. Money controls and those who possess them control their subordinates whether directly or indirectly. Any human being with the economy power is likely to influence and manipulate people around. Not everybody though! Women like any other people are likely to do same, but in this case reduce the respect for the husband stop it altogether.

When it comes out that it is the woman who take the role of providing financial support which is predominantly a traditional role of the man, respect is shifted from the man. I think is natural, face it or leave it. Like it or ignore it, we are dealing with human beings.

She may say things she might not thought of as awful and hurtful due to the pressure and stress she may be going through. If you found yourself in this situation with your spouse, take it easy and don’t be too sensitive to what she says. Don’t forget, she is an emotional person and her emotions affect the way she may relate to you.

Be understandable and support her to overcome your financial challenges and don’t be bitter with her. After all, she’s acting on your behalf to take care of the home. Life would have come to an end without her. What about that.

  1. IT BRINGS ABOUT FREQUENT QUARRELS AND CONFLICTS IN THE MARRIAGE HOME

Studies has revealed that there is a direct relationship between financial issues and marital relationship (Brannen & Wilson 1987, Burgoyne, 1990, Anthony (2011)

Generally, financially dissatisfied women would pick issues quickly than women who are financially satisfied with their husbands. In my case, any time we have shortage of liquid cash in the home and certain things are not being quickly provided, my wife response becomes sharp and irritating.

She becomes impatience and sometimes over react in many cases over little things. Money has a power that can nurture the relationship and nourish it to grow. So is the lack of it can bring about a lot of marital issues or conflict including divorce in some marriage relationship.

The family finance literature and texts ( Davis & Can, Davis & Weber 1990, Garman & Forgue, 2000) present formal financial management strategies  such as goal setting, budgeting, saving and record keeping were found to be immensely helpful in dealing with financial challenges in marriage. Read more from www.researchgate.net

  1. IT HINDERS MEN TO DEMONSTRATE THEIR LOVE TO THEIR WIVES

There’s a common saying that “if you love me show it” We don’t hide love but exhibit it through our daily actions towards our spouses. These demonstrations are enhanced when there’s money to make the things the man desire for the wife happens.

When a man lacks the financial resources to demonstrate his love to his wife, he becomes financially paralyzed and his plan may not be seen by the woman he claimed to love. Many women who are not enduring may nag and do all kinds of things to demonstrate their displeasure in the marriage.

Encourage her of your plan towards her and demonstrate it when good times come.

  1. IT CAN LEAD TO DIVORCE OR SEPARATION

Quarrelling over money in most cases is a big recipe that can’t promote good marriage relationship but rather save as a catalyst for divorce or separation

The global economic difficulties is affecting many homes especially the below and average homes and the divorce statistics is pointing to its rise. Couples must learn to discuss their financial issues frankly and honestly. Seek help when the situations become extremely difficult without seeking the opportunity to divorce your partner. The financial challenge is a global issues but many families are dealing with the issues by working together as couples.

I would encourage you to hold on and you would overcome through your own personal initiative.

  1. IT MAKES LIVING DIFFICULT IF NOT TERRIBLE

Can you imagine your household waking up in the morning without knowing what to eat? Children are sick without money to send them to the hospital or the nearest health care center. What about rent advance payment or mortgage facilities hanging to be cleared.  As a matter of fact this financial difficulty is what many family go through across the globe on daily basis.

Every man must discover what his true potential is and use it to create wealth for his family without subjecting the family to any unbearable situation your family might be going through. Nobody is responsible for your life, but you do. Hit the ground running to change your financial situation. Take some time out and assess yourself properly. Many successful men discover who they were meant to be during the time they became broke and all hopes seem to be lost.

According to government figures, in 1980 there were 1.5 million millionaires in the United States. By 2000 there were 7 millionaires. The number is expected to grow to approximately 50 million by the year 2020. It has been estimated that someone in America becomes a millionaire every 4 minutes. With a little planning, self-discipline, and effort, one these millionaires can be you (The Success Principles by Jack Canfield) I suggest you get that book to read.

  1. IT AFFECTS LEISURE AND RECREATION

Do you know a lot of families do not have plan for vacation, leisure and recreational activities? Everything is about how to get something on the table for the family to eat. This is how terrible lack of money in marriage can pose.

Life is too short to waste on only trying to survive and not living the life we’ve been truly created to live. Wake up and do something new. Your family is looking up to you to change the financial situation around and lead the family to the path of prosperity, wealth and riches. Desire it and dream about. Let me leave you with one of my favourite quote from Jack Canfield: “Envision the future you desire. Create the life of your dreams. See it, feel it, believe it”

We have been able to look at some 9 ways men’s financial difficulties can affect marital disharmony and bring about marriage issues which can sometimes lead to divorce. I have suggested some simple things you can do to address the problem in the short and the long term. Embrace the challenge you are in and create the kind of happy family you desire to have.

Until you read my next post, happy mid-week

Emmanuel Toklo

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