Everybody has emotion that can be expressed at one point in time or the other depending upon what triggers the emotion. These feelings are very strong when we express them. It could be a feeling of love, hate, anger, bitterness as we interact with people especially those we see every day.
Below are the 10 CAUSES OF WOMEN EMOTIONAL DISCONNECTION FROM THEIR HUSBANDS
- HURTFUL FEELINGS
In your day to day dealings with your spouse there will be times when you both would be very upset or offended because something didn’t go well as expected by one partner.
When these hurtful feelings continue over time, it continues to build up inside the woman and most often she may give a signal about her dislike about certain behaviour of the husband, which men very often overlooked or ignored. Most men easily forget about issues when it occurs and move on without sometimes remembering about the day and time the misunderstanding occurred between him and the partner.
However when it comes to women, the story could be very different because they are full of emotions. Most of them may express their bad feelings instantly through their expression such as crying, shouting, facial countenance, moody attitude, withdrawal etc.
I am yet to come across an investigative social research that explains why women keep negative incident of their husband for every long time. When writing this post I went to visit a retired midwife who is married for 32 with 5 strong children to find out why women keep bad issues very close to their heart without making any space in their heart to let go.
According to Miss Clara, this issue has been bothering her as well throughout her professional days till now but was quick to intimate that she can probably link the ability of a woman to keep pregnancy for 9 months as something that could make women strong to do what they do.
Men should be quick to address any misunderstanding that comes out in the marriage without sweeping it under the carpet; the consequences of these bad feelings of your wife could lead to emotional withdrawal from you if the offence continues. Any record keeping of you in your heart or on paper about your husband is evil, stop it. Settle issues with your husband and close the chapter without building a dossier of all the bad things he has been doing to you. This negative attitude in the relationship will finally destroy your relationship, avoid it altogether.
Un-forgiveness has been one of the major causes of problems in marriage, family life, health and other interpersonal relationship with others. It is a very difficult issue to deal with so far as two individuals are concerned. So many articles have been written about ways to deal with un-forgiveness in marriage because of the poison of un-forgiveness or the dangers associated with un-forgiveness.
No marriage stays alive without the will power to forgive your partner in your journey in the marriage relationship. Whatever the issue your husband has done you should be kind enough to learn to forgive. I can empathize with you and at same time encourage you to forgive him all his trespasses as our Lord Jesus Christ forgive us without demanding any condition for forgiveness.
When you still keep issues in your heart, without any provision for forgiveness, you are giving him power to control your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual life anytime you see him in the house.
The mystery of life is that none of us can bring back the past to the present and should not allow ourselves to be held hostage of it.
You would be living in the past which could be holding your emotion back from him and making you disconnect from him altogether. If you keep referring to him about the past, you will lack the courage to forgive and that could be the giant holding you back to let go and truly enjoy your relationship.
Forgiveness is divine and all those who practice it enjoy their relationships. Don’t hold yourself captive; release yourself from this danger of un-forgiveness and see how beautiful and richer in spirit and health you will become. If you can’t naturally forget about the wrong done to you or your hurt feelings, seek a professional help and get healing from this negative feelings which might destroy you eventually and not him
- FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES IN MARRIAGE
Who said money doesn’t make the world go round. It does make things in marriage pretty easy for the woman to run the business of the house. In the event of continual financial crisis or lack of it, most women as a result of the pressures they go through may turn to cut off those emotional feelings they have for their husbands.
The reality is that women for that matter your wife wants things to be fix quickly especially when it comes to financial matters in the home. By their design, there are not made to be going run in order to providing things that ought to be provided by their husbands.
Your inability to provide enough money for her means absence of romance, leisure, love, intimacy because she has to hassle everyday and go through pains; which normally make them behave the way they do. Let her know your current financial challenges so that she can understand why things can’t be as it were until situation returns to normal. Fix your unemployment situation quickly as a matter of urgency or start your own business that you could grow into a profitable business in the future
- REPEATING THE SAME OFFENCES OVER AND OVER
I remember my late grandpa told my elderly brother who was preparing to get married that marriage is a long journey. Marriage is a complex institution like it or not, and not many people can stand all its many challenges that come along with it.
If you noticed a particular behaviour that your spouse dislike and get upset over that particular behaviour anytime you do such thing, you must desist from it. As I indicated in the first point, your wife has the tendency to keep issues in her heart for a very long time. So, be careful how you deal with her on daily basis.
The ‘animal’ called marriage is so complex that you need to have patience and dwell with your wife with wisdom so as to create a health relationship with her. Be smart to be the man who can easily apologize to her when you wrong her and don’t make her go through any emotional torture.
- COMPARISON TO OTHER MARRIAGES
Yes, we all compare our life to other sometimes. We do this to judge how progress in life in relation to our peers. Normally this comparison may not be bad in itself when it’s a positive one to get us working on our marriage.
The negative comparison is where the issue really is. When your wife realized that things are not working in her marriage as compare to her friends and neighbours, she is likely to feel bad and this stage set the tone for regret.
Many women at this state feel they have made mistakes marrying their currently husbands and that negative thought may set her mind wondering about from you. I heard a woman told the husband “ I deeply regretted the day I made that marriage vow. My spirit has left this marriage very long ago, it is only my physical body that you see around in the house”
The irony about women is that when things go right in their marriage, comparison is reduced to its minimal and many women never remember the wrongs of their partners. I have seen women who look on while their husbands chase other woman because the men have provided everything for them including buying them cars. Money gag these women, the beauty of money.
Even though, marriage is a long life journey, many women including men waver on the way when the going get very tough and things appear to be difficult to manage.
- GETTING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ELSEWHERE
As a matter of fact, it gets to a time in marriage when women seem to be stuck in their relationship without any romance and love and many tend to seek emotional fulfillment and support elsewhere.
There are countless reports of married women seeking emotional support including sex from people rather than their husbands. Many women start this emotional journey as mere emotional affair and grow to enjoy this support from unknown people rather than their partners.
The current social media has made it easy for married women to connect with people from different walk of lives and some get attracted to their new found social connections. But before a woman will start thinking of engaging in such affair, there is indication that all is not well with her spouse either due to neglect or for new adventure.
Resolve any issue with your spouse. Ask her what are her fears and worries and assure her how you intend to deal with her fears and worries. If she needs your attention, make yourself available to her. Address all her physical and emotional needs to keep her mind stable in the relationship. Don’t just listen to her but take action to meet her needs.
- NON EXISTENCE OF ROMANCE
When the feelings your spouse has for you is no more, you may both be leaving together but are not bonded anymore in the marriage when romance has decline or no more. The feelings at this stage are volatile and can easily be given to wrong person because your partner wants to fill the void in her life.
Someone asked me one day whether romance can be re-awakened after it has collapsed in marriage relationship, yes was my response. What made the romance to decline or become stale? If it is non availability of one’s partner leading to the low feeling, it can be reversed by making time for your partner. If it is the provision of her physical needs provide them and wait for her romantic feelings to return.
A rich man once said, he has no time for romance and sex his marriage because his first priority is his business and the family is second. He went on to say that he has made everything available for the spouse and that should compensate for his inability to give her attention. A woman who finds herself in this type of marriage may soon have a decline romance towards the husband.
- No or Dull Sexual Life in the relationship
This situation comes when sex is no more exciting and mostly women reluctantly give sex to their partners as fulfilling the marital obligation not out love but as a necessary evil.
Sex is emotional, spiritual, psychological and physical attraction that bonds the man and the wife. Its non availability is not a good sign for the survival of the marriage. It’s against this background that the bible says “the marriage bed should not be defied. Because sex is part of the person who is giving it out, anything that affect the person’s emotional, psychological and physical well-being would in turn affect the person’s attitude to sex.
Your wife has emotion; which is part of the way she feels toward you. When she feels negative towards you she will not have the urge to have sex with you. All women behave in similar fashion including my wife Elizabeth.
If you fail to address this negative feelings, her emotions would be building up leading to her withdrawal from sex altogether. Address everything that makes her fully complete and happy. If she is happy her reaction towards sex will be positive an it will not be difficult for her to get her mood back for sex.
If you made her bitter all the time she will feel angry and resentful towards you all the time. I know one day my wife was angry over an issue to the extent that she told me in the face “I don’t want to see your face around again. The bitterness travels for a week before she opens up to me again.
Bitterness can make your spouse gradually withdraw from you if she lacks the courage to approach you and tell you how she feels. Remember I said women are emotional and anything that makes them feels bitter will ultimately trigger her negative emotions toward you. Bitterness in relationship doesn’t happen overnight. It is normally accumulation of unhappy experiences your wife has about you.
You should be a smart observer to note anything that affect your spouse on daily basis and quickly resolve it. Many a times we allow issues to drag on until it gets to the boiling points, where resolution becomes difficult. I don’t know how long you’ve been in marriage but continue to learn about her, because you will never finish discovering her.
- UNMET EXPECTATIONS
Everybody goes into marriage with expectation to live happily with their partners till death do them part. These beliefs can sometimes be met for some lucky ones but not for others. These marriage expectations could range from financial abundance, wealth, healthy children, minimal conflict, great sex life, and availability of enough resources for good living, freedom to travel with one’s partner anytime and anywhere across the globe. The list could be endless.
When these expectations are not met for the unlucky couples, they may begin to think they have made big mistakes of their lives and some may think of quitting the marriage all together. Others may begin to think of their former boy friend’s and the comparison may begin as to whether they have made the right choice to leave their former relationship especially if the former is doing well in his relationship. The frustrated wives who can’t leave for one reason or the other may take to alcohol including engaging in extra marriage affairs.
Expectation management becomes critical if you feel that you have not be able to meet the expectation of your spouse in the marriage, be proactive to manage her expectation of you.
Explain issues out clearly to her and let her know what you will be doing to meet her expectation both in the short term and the long term. Be realistic with our deadlines for achieving the expectation. Bring her along with you in terms of the roadmap for achieving the expectation in the marriage.
My advice to women is to minimize their expectations of their husbands in order to reduce the tension in most marriage home.
To recap, we have been able to look at the 10 causes of Women Emotional Disconnection from their husbands. The causes are not in any other of significance because all the cause must be addressed promptly to bring back the connections between partners in marriage relationships. The 10 Causes are listed below:
- FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES IN MARRIAGE
4.REPEATING THE SAME OFFENCES OVER AND OVER
5.COMPARISON TO OTHER MARRIAGES
6.GETTING EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ELSEWHERE.
7.NON EXISTENCE OF ROMANCE
8.NO OR DULL SEXUAL LIFE IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
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