If you know how your behaviors directly or indirectly affect the lives of your kid’s future, you would probably check how you react before your kids. Check these six behaviors and avoid exhibiting them before your kids
- SHOUTING AND SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER
You are both adults. I know you and I have the natural tendency and emotions to get angry. There is no problem in getting angry so far as we are humans. I do get angry about my wife or kids if things didn’t go the way they should go. But, in the midst of all these, I maintain my cool in order not to attract the attention of the kids. As parents, you should know that your kids are picking both your good and bad behaviours. Your disagreement shouldn’t result into shouting and screaming as some couples do. Don’t get your kids involve into this drama by attracting their attention about what is going on. Children are emotionally sensitive about what goes on between their parent at home and some of them may carry the issues to school. If your kids are emotionally disturbed because of happenings at home, their academic work is bound to suffer. I know you love your kids and want the best for them. Don’t subject them to emotional imprisonment. If you are the type who screams at your partner to register your anger, help yourself and help your children by putting a stop to it. Seek anger management therapy if that is your problem, and you could be assisted to overcome anger. Your children will learn about this negative behaviour if it continues and they will grow with it into adulthood. My question is: Is that what you want for your children?
- QUARRELING IN THE PRESENCE OF THEIR KIDS
Who never gets angry? We all get angry at one point or the other, but quarreling over petty issues before the kids is a big No. Frequent quarreling among couples is a dangerous sign of marital instability and must be dealt with at once. As soon as couples begin to disrespect with each other’s view and opinions, a little argument can generate into fierce quarrel. In my case, as soon as I know the subject under discussion will lead to quarrel, I gently walk out of the place in order not to attract the attention of our kids. How do you feel rising your voice at each other before your kids? Quarreling affects your children emotionally, psychologically, physically and their spiritual stability. The emotional effects may linger on throughout their adult life. I came across some students in my class who vowed never to get marry because of the bad experience they grew with from their childhood. Marriage is not an easy journey but a prepared mind can walk through it if we care and value our marriage. Try and trace the root cause of the frequent quarrels and deal with it immediately. Most issues that lead to quarrel come from inadequate fund in the home. Learn to plan your financial life with your spouse. This will make her to know your financial status and plan against the available budget. There are quite a lot of information about good financial advice and tips about how to manage your finance. You can visit www.thebalance.com and www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk to learn about how to handle your finance.
- THROWING OBJECTS AT EACH OTHER IN THE PRESENCE OF YOUR KIDS
Oh my God! How did we get here! During your sober reflective moment, you asked yourself so many questions about the appropriateness of your behaviour. How do you feel? Anyway, you are not the only person. This is what anger can do. Many couples who engaged in quarrel as a result of uncontrolled anger feel this way afterwards. It is against this background that a scripture verse in the bible, Proverbs 15:1-2 states “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise adorns knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly”.
Let try to manage our anger so that it does not generate into throwing object at each other before the presence of our lovely kids. Love, they say, covers multitude of sins. When we love our spouses, we are in a better frame of mind to forgive them their misdeeds. Let your love turns away your anger towards your spouse. How will you feel if you ended up hurting your spouse? How will you feel after your anger subsides? Let walk in our marriage with true love without withholding any grudges in any part of our heart. The heart is a beautiful place and not meant for bitterness and hatred. Commit your partner into the hands of God, if you are a believer, and He will grant you peace in that marriage.
- DISGRACING YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE YOUR KIDS
It is not a good behaviour whatever the reason may be, for you to disgrace your spouse before your children. The best practice is to call your spouse and discuss the issues indoor without the presence of your children. When we divide the children along the line of (you are good and your spouse is bad), the end result is that both of you become losers. When you create this type of condition in the home, your children will not be able to trust you. Never try to bring down your spouse because you dislike certain behaviour about him or her. Try to grow in maturity to handle issues diplomatically with your spouse. I know you can sometimes be push to the wall to react inappropriately but let us not use negative method of disgracing our partners before our children.
- GOSSIP ABOUT OTHER NEIGHBOURS BEFORE YOUR KIDS
Our kids are smart to repeat whatever we have been saying about our neighbours to their peers. Yes, they would repeat exactly what mum or dad has been saying about their neighbours. If you have been treated badly by a neighbor or have issue with him or her, try and settle it outside the home. The home may not be the best place to settle personal scores with your neighbor. For the sake of good neighbourliness and for the sake of your children at home, avoid all appearances of gossip. If you don’t deal with it, gossip will set a trap for you. It will embarrass and break longtime friendship. A twenty year old friendship between two neighbours came to an end when the other couple heard that the friend and his wife have been gossiping about them. Avoid any form of gossip before your kids or stop it altogether.
- REFUSING TO TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE (BE IN LOGGERHEAD WITH YOUR SPOUSE) BEFORE YOUR KIDS
The root cause of couples not willing to talk to each other is unforgiveness as a result of hurt and pain. We all get hurt by our spouses, but we also hurt them in one way or the other. We heard a story in the bible where a woman was accused of adultery and was brought before Jesus Christ. The Jewish custom at the time demands that the woman be stoned to death. After Jesus listen to the woman, he wrote something on the ground. After the woman’s accusers read what Jesus wrote on the ground, they all left one by one. You can read the entire story in John (8: 1-11). We are all guilty of a kind but the creator forgives us of our sin every day. Most often, we try to blame our spouses for everything and exonerate ourselves as being perfect. The antidote for this is unconditional forgiveness. I know you are badly hurt but look up to Jesus who forgives us all our sins even up to today. Don’t allow unforgiveness to control your well being and affect the way you react towards your spouse. Master the courage to say no to unforgiveness and reconcile with your spouse. Remember the kids are watching and observing any action you take as parent. Make your home a peaceful home for your children to grow and mature. Share your views with me through our comment box or write to me personally on firstname.lastname@example.org
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