5 MAGICAL TECHNIQUES TO EMPOWER YOUR NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS INTO REALITY

RESOLUTION DON’T MAKE SENSE WITHOUT YOUR SPIRIT BEHIND IT


Whether you believe it or not your resolution is just a piece of information or ideas about what you want to achieve in the year on paper. This could be short or long term resolution depending on what you want and how badly you want to achieve them and how passionate you want to bring the set goals into reality.

In essence, if we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently— Tony Robbins

You and I know that any significant change requires dedicated practice and self-discipline, whether that change has to do with acquiring new skills, quit smoking or alcohol, lose weight to get into your ideal shape, loving your spouse more, being a good mother or dad, start exercising or get into the gym to start that training you’ve have been postponing, drinking more water etc. are all great ideas New Year Resolution.

I hear many people who quite often say that they have not been able to achieve their resolutions and for that matter they are unwilling to write new resolutions. It’s pretty awesome to hear people’s New Year’s resolutions and a cursory look at what they’ve written down to achieve will marvel you.

The question is: does the mere writing down of your resolutions cause it to be achieved automatically? The answer is a big No. I am sorry to disappoint you. You did well by crossing the bridge by writing your resolutions down about what you to achieve but you need a set of plan to achieve what you intended to achieve for yourself- if not it may be a wasted effort; because you didn’t set yourself in readiness to realize your New Year resolution. You need more than a written resolutions. What you actually need is self-disciple. Because self-discipline is the catalyst to achieving any goal in life

Too many people only visit their resolution when the year has come to a close and they are preparing to write new ones. It’s funny the speed people take to formulate goals on paper only to leave them to gather dust at where they keep them.

1. SET RESOLUTION THAT IS REALISTIC FOR YOUR CONSCIOUS MIND TO ACCEPT

Every New Year there’s a long list of things people strive for whether as parents or single individuals: People want to save more money, exercise consistently, floss daily, eat more salads, spend time with friends & families, learn new skills, make family dinners a priority, visit friends, be more sociable, lose weight, quit smoking etc. But these lists will remain the same without any concerted action to achieve them. And when this happens resolutions becomes more or less annual rituals. Don’t fall into this trap.

 Relying on your written goals that truly energize you is great but it leads you to nowhere until you believe consciously that you can make it a reality. Do you doubt your capacity to achieve your own resolution? If your conscious mind doesn’t accept that; what you plan to achieve will be possible, you will be chasing after the wind and nothing will get done.

 Call it New Year’s resolutions with a side of euphoria that come with every New Year but you must get the ground running in order to  bring them to pass. Focus on the things you’ve been thinking about since you were a young child: attaining a PHD and be called a doctor, have your wedding in a luxury beach, starting a grilled-cheese blog, or pursuing that law degree you didn’t finish the first time around. Anything is possible to them that believe in their dreams.

“Typically if you have a desire to make a change or commit to a goal, you’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” says Susie Moore, the author of What If It Does Work Out? How a Side Hustle Can Change Your Life and creator of the Side Hustle Academy. “Your desire is often reflected in your past, reflected in your memory, reflected in what’s been filling your mind and heart up until this point.” Avoid attempting to give up coffee or working on your inner judgment if you don’t really want to, she says. Reflect on your ultimate vision for your life. Focus on what you want to achieve and don’t second-guess how it will come to pass

2. PERSONALIZE YOUR RESOLUTION

Another part of achieving your goals is knowing exactly what you want and why you want them. It helps to personalize your goals. Maybe you want to start a gig on the side. “You can say, ‘Because I want to feel creatively fulfilled and be happy. Because I have a lot to offer the world and my work doesn’t allow me to do so. Because I want to create financial security for me and my family. Because I’ve had this idea for a long time-Moore explains.

Your why can reflect your deepest life desire, a need to be more creative, or the hope for more security.  When you understand your why, the answer will come along the line: It will bring you more joy. And when you realize that and you’re constantly reminded of what you actually want in life, it will keep you on your toes and draw the resources needed to achieve your resolutions in the shortest possible time. 

Write the goals you want to achieve on a note book and carry it along.  Read it allow and see yourself achieving them. Add visual image of what you want to achieve. If you want to buy a new car, get a photo of the car and add your personal picture(s). Tell yourself I am driving this car by the end of the year. Feel the architectural of the car, smell the inside and derive a sense of happiness in yourself while taking action to realize your dreams.

3. TAKE PRACTICAL ACTION EVERYDAY

To be successful, you have to do what successful people do, and successful people are highly action-oriented.  Break your big goals down into small steps, anticipate obstacles and plan how to deal with them, visualize and affirm your success, and believe in yourself and your dreams. Now it’s time to take action. Enroll in that program, get the necessary training, call the travel agent to inquire about the package they have for people like you, start writing that book, start saving for the down payment on your mortgage, check the price of that dream car or house, join the health club, sign up for those piano lessons, or write that proposal to that company etc.

What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only Consequence is what we do-JOHN RUSKIN

The world doesn’t pay you for what you know; it pays you for what you do. There’s an enduring axiom of success that says, “The universe rewards action.” Yet as simple and as true as this principle is, it’s surprising how many people get bogged down in analyzing, planning, and organizing when what they really need to do is take action.-Jack Canfield, multi-millionaire and co-creator for Chicken Soup for the Soul

When you take action, you trigger all kinds of things that will inevitably carry you to success. You let those around you know that you are serious in your intention. People wake up and start paying attention to what they want. People with similar goals become aligned with you.

 You begin to learn things from your experience that cannot be learned from listening to others or from reading books. You begin to get feedback about how to do it better, more efficiently, and more quickly. Things that once seemed confusing begin to become clear. Things that once appeared difficult begin to be easier. You begin to attract others who will support and encourage you. All manner of good things begin to flow in your direction once you begin to take action. So enough of the theoretical planning, it’s time to take practical action if your to achieve your New Year Resolution this year

Over the years I have seen people in our church make resolutions, however, one thing I have found was that the number one thing that seems to separate winners from losers more than anything else is that winners take action. They simply get up and do what has to be done. Once they have developed a plan, they start working on their plan immediately. Many people failed taking action on their resolutions.

But successful people get into motion. Even if they don’t start perfectly, they learn from their mistakes, make the necessary changes, and keep taking action, all the time building momentum, until they finally produce the result they set out to produce…or something even better than they conceived of when they started.

We may have trouble sticking to your New Year’s resolutions because of lack of action in yourselves. “We rarely follow through on anything coming from a negative kind of platform,” says Hailey Jordan Yatros, millennial life coach and author of The Millennial Makeover: Who Are We and Who Do We Want to Become? “It’s really important not to start a goal when you have in your head that you need to fix something about yourself first. Believe in yourself and take action

4. BE FLEXIBLE BUT SMART WITH YOUR RESOLUTION

Working with a timeline in mind is good—but you have to follow your own timeline to see the progress you are making on each goal you set for yourself. Moore indicates that you should keep a list of three to five written goals for yourself at once. According to her “If ever my goals change, if I hit a goal sooner than I hoped, or I might have a new goal, I will revisit my goals whenever I want,” she says.

Set goals that you can accomplish within a few months. “I don’t think about any goals that are longer than six months. A six-month goal is very relative and fresh. If you have a deadline for something, to quit your job or to go traveling, a six-month deadline will get you rolling.”

Once the goal is customized to meet your personal needs, be flexible to adjust yourself if that will help you to achieve your goals.

5. SET SHORT TERM RESOLUTION

Pursuing a big goals like quitting your official work to become a fashion blogger, for example, can all be possible by starting small. Don’t just quit your job immediately as many people do, which may work for some people. Slowly start dedicating more time to your passion besides your corporate work. It may help you to utilize any available time to your side business you want to pursue and passionate about.

One of the things I want to achieve this year is to quit my corporate work I have been doing for 20 years and devout time entirely for my blog. Go from full time to part time and fill that other time with the business goals that you have.

Instead of quitting all at once, try to start working along the line and you would get the foundation to stand building on when you finally quit your full time job. Slowly but surely, you’ll start to see that number change and it’ll be great to see the fruit of your labor This way, you’re committing to realistic steps instead of taking on a huge long-term goal. When that happens, it provides you a safety net, a chance to back out, in case you find out it’s not what you want.

Let me leave you with these quotes: My will shall shape my future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man’s doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny— Elaine Maxwell

Your ability to discipline yourself to set clear goals, and then to work toward them every day, will do more to guarantee your success than any other single factor― Brian Tracy

So soon we’ve come to the end of the discussion about practical techniques to adopt in order to manifest your New Year Resolutions. It’s not magic but being realistic with your goals, being flexible when it becomes necessary to do so, believing in yourself, taking action and making your resolutions short term.

Stay blessed

Emmanuel

Advertisements

5 BASIS TO HATE EXERCISE BUT START ANY PHYSICAL ACTIVITY NOW


“Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person’s physical, emotional and mental states”-Carol Welch. “However, physical fitness can neither be achieved by wishful thinking nor outright purchase” (Joseph Pilate)

A woman told the husband to stop competing with her with his “pot belly” (stomach) because she can’t continue to defend him before the public that the husband is healthy apart from the fact that his stomach has abnormally protruded as a result of fat deposit. The man in question hate to do any form of working out and refuse to stop eating late in the evening.

Health and fitness is the dream of any individual as well as nations because a healthy nation is a productive nation. Global recommendations on physical activity for health has engaged the attention of the World Health Organization (https://www.who.int/dietphysicalactivity/factsheet_recommendations/en/ over the past decade because some people are becoming conscious of their wellness and leaving no stone to chance. Gone are the days when people eat, smoke and drink anything in the name of better living especially the middle to high class family, to tell others they have the hard cash to spend.

As a matter of fact nobody is excited when it comes to doing any kind of physical activity that would temporally discomfort the person but at the long run give a tremendous health benefit.

BELOW ARE THE REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD START PHYSICAL EXERCISE NOW

1. ENHANCES YOUR PERSONAL HEALTH

Physical inactivity has been identified as the fourth leading risk factor for global mortality (6% of deaths globally). This follows high blood pressure (13%), tobacco use (9%) and high blood glucose (6%). Overweight and obesity are responsible for 5% of global mortality.

Levels of physical inactivity are rising in many countries with major implications for the general health of people worldwide and for the prevalence of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer and their risk factors such as raised blood pressure, raised blood sugar and overweight. Physical inactivity is estimated as being the principal cause for approximately 21–25% of breast and colon cancer burden, 27% of diabetes and approximately 30% of ischemic heart disease burden.

In addition, lack of exercise especially among urban folks account for nearly half of the overall global burden of disease. It is estimated currently that of every 10 deaths, 6 are attributable to non-communicable conditions. . (World Health Organization)

Our health is being influenced by three trends according to global health reports: population-ageing, rapid unplanned urbanization, and globalization, all of which result in unhealthy environments and behaviors.

As a result, the growing prevalence of alcoholic drinks, sugar induced products, tobacco, narcotics and its related substances and their risk factors has become a global issue affecting the majority of households across the globe. When I was in high school and living in a low income country, reports of cancers, obesity, weight gain etc. were all coming from the developed world. But two decade later, every country has its fair share of health issue. How do you want your body to last you in the next 30 years and what are you doing to guarantee that?

It has been shown that participation in regular physical activity reduces the risk of coronary heart disease and stroke, diabetes, hypertension, colon cancer, breast cancer and depression. Additionally, physical activity is a key determinant of energy expenditure, and thus is fundamental to energy balance and weight control. The year has just began and as I cherish reader of my post I want you to minimize your sedentary lifestyle and start working out

2. HEALTHY PHYSICAL SHAPE

Many people soon fade away quickly than expected because of their unwillingness to subdue the body to some kind of physical training not because of award this time round but to ensure their own good health and longevity.

A lot of women get out of shape after their 2 or more child births. Why? The answer is obvious. There’s no time to exercise. My wife was slim when I married her but has put on extra calorie which are unnecessary because of the kind of work she does and after giving birth to 4 kids. Should I take her excuse for no exercise? A big no! I am still encouraging to start as a matter of necessity.

Just like my wife who refuses to do exercise and develop a moderate belly fat, a lot of women also developed this fat around their belly. Many women nowadays use corset to tighten their belly before they can wear their preferred dresses. We appreciate our wives for giving us beautiful children but we encourage them to do something about their belly fat.

 Kelly Rennie in Post Natal article talks about ways to deal with belly fat after giving birth. Please read below

 #1: Drastically Reduce Your Sugar Intake This tip alone will make a lot of belly fat drop off! Start to introduce more natural, protein-rich food sources and vegetables that will fuel you and keep you satiated for longer.

#2: Significantly Reduce or Eliminate Alcohol. Many alcoholic drinks are full of sugar and artificial sweeteners, which make them unhealthy from the beginning. However, alcohol itself is harmful, in that it can mess with our hormone levels and cause the body to prioritize fat storage. On top of this, alcohol lowers your inhibitions. As a result, you’ll be far more likely to reach for a bag of cookies or call for a takeaway pizza. It’s important to reduce or eliminate alcohol in all situations.

 #3: Breastfeed If You Can One ‘quick fix’ for new mums is breastfeeding their new baby. Why? The act of breastfeeding helps the uterus to return to its normal size, reducing any unsightly bulges and returning your stomach to a more familiar size.

#4: The Best Belly Fat Exercises Are High-Intensity Circuits Although diet is the single biggest contributing factor to body fat levels over time, exercise cannot be overlooked. This specific form of exercise is ideal for the time poor new mothers out there. High-intensity circuits that work the entire body and major muscle groups are a great way to rev your metabolic engine, and increase your muscle tone. As your fitness improves, and in conjunction with a good diet, belly fat will melt off.

 #5: Train With Weights The more muscle you have, the more calories you’ll burn when you’re just going about your day. That’s why it’s important to build lean mass via resistance training. Many women refuse to lift weights, because they’re afraid of getting ‘bulky’. But this perceived effect couldn’t be further from the truth. Instead, following a structured resistance program will allow you to: Rapidly change your body composition Strengthen your core (which can help with any post-pregnancy back pain) Burn fat. After six to eight weeks the results will speak for themselves

 #6: Staying Hydrated One of the most overlooked points for weight loss is adequate hydration. Around 55-70% of our bodies are made up of water, so any loss in fluid can have serious consequences. These include impaired concentration, loss of strength and general fatigue, making daily activities far more difficult than they need to be. Too often we go through our day in a blur of fizzy drinks and caffeine, leaving us dehydrated. By simply swapping out the majority of your hot drinks for water during the day you can avoid the ‘crash’ and stay energetic for longer.

#7: Reduce Caffeine Intake It’s all too easy to fall into the ‘caffeine trap’ as a new mother. You end up borrowing energy from coffee, tea and energy drinks, to make up for your lack of sleep or busy schedule. Whilst this may work in the short-term and give you a brief boost, you may actually be doing more harm than good. Caffeine is a diuretic, which means it strips your body of fluid and actually makes you more dehydrated. Over time this will cause energy crashes, greater cortisol levels and potential irritability. Avoid having another espresso if you want to stay on top of your game. – See more at:

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/post-natal/how-to-lose-belly-fat-after-having-a-baby

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/post-natal/how-to-lose-belly-fat-after-having-a-baby

Belly fat has been one of the main issues that confront women after giving birth and forces many of them to lose their shape. Since you can do something about it don’t give excuse and say you can do anything about it.  The above guidance will help you eliminate your belly fat. Start now.

3. YOU BECOME ACTIVE

 Evidence points to physical activity, or associated factors, as an effective treatment modality. The use of exercise and sport in the prevention and treatment of state anxiety, moderate depression, and/or low self-esteem may often be recommended as a practical approach. In addition to reducing the essential symptomatology, exercise is less costly than other therapeutic methods. Because of its intrinsic activeness, it may also bring additional physical, psychological, and social benefits. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2016 APA)

So don’t delay to engage in any moderate form of physical exercise commensurate to your age and health. Seek medical advice before engaging in any such activity if you have any health related problems. The issue is the earlier you start the better for you.

4. YOU BECOME INTELLIGENCE

Physical exercise helps keep your thinking, learning, and judgment skills sharp as you age. Why? Because exercise stimulates your body to release proteins and other chemicals that improve the structure and function of your brain by distributing blood throughout all the vital organs of your body.

Have you asked yourself why young children who engaged in physical activities are considered active and intelligent? It’s because of active blood circulation in their body; thus, it’s easy for them to excrete waste materials from their system easily than we do as adults.

Studies examine the effects of exercise on children’s intelligence, cognition, or academic achievement were reviewed and the results were discussed in light of (a) contemporary cognitive theory development all as a result of exercise.

Recent research demonstrating the salutary effects of exercise on adults’ cognitive functioning and   animals have all linked physical activity to changes in neurological development and behavior.

 Similar to adults, exercise facilitates children’s executive function (i.e., processes required to select, organize, and properly initiate goal-directed actions). Exercise may prove to be a simple, yet important, method of enhancing those aspects of kids’ mental functioning which is central to cognitive development.

Do still have any justification not to engage in any physical exercise this year? I have no exercise and you should have none to.

5. GUARANTEE YOUR LONGITIVITY

We’ve all come to the conclusion that aging is a natural and complex physiological process Influenced by many factors, but some are modifiable. As we continues to grow, it is important to modify some aspect of our lifestyles through interventions that can be easily implemented so as to guarantee “successful aging”.

In addition to a healthy diet and psychosocial well-being, the benefits of regular exercise on mortality, and the prevention and control of chronic disease affecting both life expectancy and quality of life are well established in many medical journals

The benefits of regular exercise on longevity can’t be over emphasize and this should engage your attention as soon as a possible. Most of the exercise I do is active and vigorous walking because I am not a fun of the gym. Choose the best option that are comfortable with you. Running, biking, jogging, jumping, skating, riding, pushing, tug of war etc. are common exercises that you can explore.

Research is showing that exercise can partially reverse the effects of the aging process on physiological functions and preserve functional reserve in the elderly. Numerous studies have indicate that maintaining a minimum quantity and quality of exercise decreases the risk of death, prevents the development of certain cancers, lowers the risk of osteoporosis and increases longevity.

Your physical training programs should include exercises aimed at improving your cardiorespiratory fitness and muscle function, as well as flexibility and balance.

Let me conclude with these quotes:

“When it comes to eating right and exercising, there’s no I’ll start tomorrow. Tomorrow is disease” V.L.A Lineare

“There are only two requirement when it comes to exercise. One is that you do it. The other is that you continue to do it” Dr. Stephen Colagiuri

“For those who don’t have time for exercise, there will have to make time for illness” Edward Stanley”

Stay blessed!

Emmanuel

References:

  1. Black, J. E., Jones, T. A., Nelson, C. A., & Greenough, W. T. (1998). Neuronal plasticity and the developing brain. In S. Eth (Ed.) Handbook of child and adolescent psychiatry: Basic psychiatric science and treatment (vol. 6, (pp. 31–53)). New York: Wiley. (Google Scholar)
  2. Morris, MD; Ralph S. Paffenbarger Jr, MD; Kevin Patrick, MD; Michael L. Pollock, PhD; James M. Rippe, MD; James Sallis, PhD; Jack H. Wilmore, PhD
  3. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0378512212003015

         4. Global recommendations on physical activity for health.

 (1.Exercise. 2. Life style. 3. Health promotion. 4. Chronic disease – prevention and control. 5. National health programs). I. World Health Organization.

 ISBN 978 92 4 159 997 9 (NLM classification: QT 255)

KILL YOUR INSATIABLE TV ADDICTION THIS YEAR FOR YOUR OWN GOOD-5 Reasons

KILL YOUR INSATIABLE TV ADDICTION BEFORE IT KILLS YOU

 

TV has played various roles over the years and we can’t under estimate the power of TV and its benefits in the lives of the modern man and woman in this present age. However, excessive TV watching can be destructive to you in all aspects of your live especially if you plan to be productive this year and achieve your goals

According to A Neilson report, the average American watches more than 34 hours of television each week. As a parent, you must lead the way to positively influence the way the household watches TV in the home so much so that they may stop watching TV altogether.

Even though many people give various reasons for their TV watching, a lot of the reasons they give are self-imposed and nothing else. Each year you must have aggressive goal that would stretch you from your comfort zone. And this comfort zone include your appetite for watching different TV programs each day.

Breaking free from watching TV in order to get a head start to pursue your stretch goals and reap the benefits of quitting watching TV demands courage, boldness, relentless effort and how strong you want to achieve your goals.

Let check out the 6 reasons why you need to kill your insatiable TV this year so that you can pursue your goals

1. WATCHING TV IS A WASTE OF TIME

I used to be a fun of TV and radio programs especially my favorite political debates about the two major national parties that rotate the seat of government in my country Accra Ghana. But after marriage and raising 4 young kids, demands for household expenses begin to rise and the question I asked myself is what has watching of these political programs add to the family income and my life for that matter.

After attending a seminar organized by a Nigerian multimillion, Dagote, I decided to quit my TV watching habit immediately, if I want to make any meaningful living and create a comfortable life for myself and my family. I used the time I stop watching TV to finish two of my books and write articles for publication thrice every week. I have started this blog and have written a little over 100 articles within six months

It’s a plain truth and very obvious that when you’re watching TV many of us may not be doing anything else. The time spent watching television according to scientists is similar to the hour you use to sleep. That means people could be spending 8,7, 6, 5 and 4 hours each day watching different TV programs.

The question is what time do you have for yourself to do anytime productive in your life. Do you know how much you can do each day with this time at your disposal?

2. EXCESSIVE TV WATCHING CAN LEAD YOU TO POVERTY

As a matter of fact, you must decide what you want in life irrespective of the geographical location you find yourself. Once you know what you want in life, you have to take the necessary steps to plan for what you’ve to do to get what you want. If you are addicted to TV, The first thing is to do is to quit watching TV immediately and starting pursuing you dreams. Think of what you can do with a lot of money when you succeed in pursuing your dreams. Think about your new homes, the type cars you will be driving, your new outfits, the dream holidays you’ve always wish for yourself and your support to your favorite philanthropy. All these are possible if you set your mind to make a lot of money and help a lot of people.

According to Bloomberg, the number of Americans who meet the millionaire threshold is set to increase by an average of 1,700 every day for the coming years, Bloomberg reports, based on projections by the Boston Consulting Group. By the year 2020, the U.S. is expected to welcome 3.1 million new members into its millionaires’ club, which grew by 2.4 million from 2010 to 2015.

According to America Multimillionaire Jack Canfield in one of his bestselling books “The Success Principles-How to Get from Where you are to Where You Want to Be” “any change requires sustained efforts to overcome years’ of internal and external resistance”

I know it’s not going to be easy for you to stop watching your favorite TV programs, but you can quit your TV addiction if you choose to do so. How do you to see your life in 5 years to come. Are you doing something now to change your financial situation? If you ask me what I want to achieve in 3 years: I would tell you there are many but I would give you 3 things I want to achieve in 3 years. 1. I want to become a multimillionaire. 2. Build the biggest amusement park in my country for kids. 3. Build the largest Green International School in my country.

We are grateful to the incredible psychological hooks that television uses. It’s very hard to stop watching TV I must frankly admit. It makes us lose our self-control and very often we find it extremely hard to turn off the television even though we may wish to do so. As this continues, our self-control and discipline withers even more and the harder the difficulty becomes.

But do you know something, desire something passionately to achieve and this desire will replace the time spend in watching TV. I want to become a millionaire and this drive me every day to move out of my comfort zone towards my stretch goals. What about you! The year has just began, so, get the ground running and say bye to TV.

3. TV WATCHERS ARE “FRIENDS” TO PROCASTINATION

What’s procrastination? Procrastination is the avoidance of doing a task that needs to be accomplished. It could be further stated as a habitual or intentional delay of starting or finishing a task despite its negative consequences. (Wikipedia)

TV programmers designed TV ads to attract and sustain the interest of viewers for a long time to come. It can be amazing how time flies when you are hooked to watching your favorite TV programs just like writing your best exam paper only to be told get ready to hand over your papers.

Those who are addicted to TV programs are always with the delusion that they would find a better time to do what they actually what to do and before they knew it hours run into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and months into a year and nothing get done. Does that resonate with you? Then do something to change the narrative about your habit.

Do you want to build your life around TV, then do a TV commercials and get paid, act for others to watch and get rewarded for it or do music? Your family is looking up to you don’t disappoint them.

4. WATCHING TV STAGNATES YOUR CREATIVITY

There’s nobody under the planet without a contribution to make in the world. That means we all have gifts, talents, knowledge, skills, intelligence to turn things around.  Sadly, we always compare ourselves to the people we watch on TV and easily come to the conclusion that these people are better off than us. Don’t you think like that sometime? These TV commercials are not as real as you think!

Our life is never going to be like a TV show you watch so you don’t be deceived and think that you can’t make any impact when you compare your life with their real life. The messages within television imply on a regular basis that people we watch are better and smarter than us. Our lives can feel quite empty when compare to the perfection of the “TV world”.

Don’t be deceived! Some of you were influenced by your favorite stars and artists based on the products they recommend for you to buy. Why? Because you thought they are perfect and command so much reputation to recommend something otherwise.

Your continual reliance of these stars to influence what you do, can shield you talents and ability to do something different. Do you know the number of times these stars practice and rehearse before appearing on TV? Start doing something great you’ve always dreamt of instead of watching TV all the time. You are better than some of the people who appear on the TV.  The only difference is that they have identified what they were meant to do and do what gives them the greatest satisfaction in life.

What do you identify to do to improve your life this year? If you can start doing something now, by the close of the year, you will be amazed what you’ve been able to achieve. Remember this is the best time you have so stop wasting it-“For time wait for no man”

5. TOO MUCH TV WATCHING POSSES HEALTH RISK TO YOU

Health analysts are sounding the alarm bell that our way of living nowadays is dangerous to our overall quality of life. Most people are living sedentary life than ever before in the history of the world because a lot of people are having jobs behind a desk.

To make matters worse a lot of people don’t exercise after they go home but sit down in front of their giant flat TVs thanks to technology and watch their favorite soap opera or football matches for two hours. Our body is designed to keep moving and not to sit at one place for too long. When the electrical activity in our muscles stops working actively as a result of our sitting down, we become prune to so many diseases (eye problems, back pain etc.). Research is showing that the basic movement of walking or moving our bodies in subtle ways alone can make a big difference to our health.

I do brisk walking for 15 minutes bare footed every day because most of our nerves and tissues are concentrated under our feet and palms and by walking it helps distributes blood around the body. It works like magic, try walking bare footed on a slightly rough surface for at least 10-15 minutes and see the result yourself.

What about the health implication of our eyes as a result of radiations from the TV screen. I know most office computers have screen protectors that minimized the radiations but most TVs have no TV screen protectors to minimize the radiations as a result of contact with the eyes. May be someone should think of developing a screen protectors for our TVs as we have for our phones and laptop.

6. BE AN EXAMPLE FOR YOUR CHILD

 Train your children to become a global icons not copy cut of what they see on their TV screen. Every little child wants to be somebody he or she admires to be a celebrity. Let them read books instead of allowing them to watch TV all day long without any supervision or monitoring. You’ve no idea how your children are being influenced by what they watch on the TV

Many children are now being allowed to watch TV and live a sedentary lifestyle in the name of good living. There is a lot of research showing the negative effects on a child’s development due to both inactivity and the influence of television. You are your children’s first teacher and they imitate what they see you do, so any choice you make will greatly influence the way they live their lives into adulthood.

If you want to change your kids you must first change what you do. Because action they say speak louder than words. Get them excited in painting, writing, drawing, programing, sports, music, arts etc. and gradually they will replace the time they use to watch TV to pursue their natural talents. Try and lead the way and they would follow. Create the enabling environment for them to follow.

So soon we’ve been able to identify 6 TV addiction that we must deal with if we want to change present life to a financially independent life and live the kind of life we real want for ourselves and our family including loved ones. Start now, because there’s no better time than now.

STAY BLESSED!

Emmanuel

5 EASY WAYS TO SPEND LESS IN 2019 AS A PARENT

SPENDING LESS MEANS WISE SPENDING AND SAVING THE SURPLUS

5

It’s a fact that many of you have spent so much MONEY during the yuletide because of the activities that come with the season. Some of you have to buy new clothes for the kids and yourself, prepare great lunch or dinner for families and friends including visitors.

A few of you organized Christmas parties to mark the end of the year at least say thank you God for all that you’ve gone through and still alive. Respectfully, you should be appreciative to your maker for protecting you and your family. In deed you’ve every course to be grateful.

However, many parents get into trouble in the new year because they are cash trapped, having spent the little money at their disposal in the previous year because they over spent. So going into this New Year, there are few things you can do to get your money issues on course and live stress free financial life.

1. DEFINE or PLAN HOW MUCH TO SPEND IN THE MONTH

Having a budget restrict you as to how much to spend weekly or monthly. I know we all struggle to prepare a budget because of the fear that we would not be able to follow the budget through and through.

If you are an impulse buyer like my wife, or you just don’t know where your cash passes every month, sit down and write down every purchase you make and calculate how much you spend on each item. Gather the courage to do this. I know many people don’t want to do this because they thought the money involve is too small to matter. Having a realistic thinking about how you are spending your money will go a long way to control wastage of your hard cash. Are you spending on clothes, shoes, necklaces, you would never wear? Remember the idea is to spend less and save the excess

  There’s no point in spending your money on having fun if you can’t afford it. Get a bit serious about how you spend your money if you need to save more than you are making in order to guarantee your financial freedom and less money worry.

If you know you spend too much on certain thing such as new gadget and app, look for a cheaper alternative in your local shop. You can contact your customer service unit of your bank to help you plan your spending in a fixed but convenient way.  Some of these banks would be delighted to help you break your account spending down in a clear and flexible way.

Creating a budget has been made easy by a number of websites that use excel to simplify the planning process. I have put up simple steps for you to follow and modify to suit your peculiar situations.

Step 1: Note your net income. The first step in creating a budget is to identify the amount of money you have coming in.  This should include all types of incomes that you receive by the end of the month.

Step 2: Track your spending. Take a note with you and write down every expenditure you make in the course of the day. Don’t gross over any expenses

Step 3: Set your goals.  Know in clear terms and in advance; what important thing you spend your money on. This will compel you to focus on that one thing that is important to you.

Step 4: Make a plan. Calculate how much you’ve got to spend on each item on your important list

Step 5: Adjust your habits if necessary. If prices of item have change you must also do same by adjust your budget to reflect the reality in the market.

Step 6: Keep checking in. This will enable you to know whether there’s something you must or change

You need to try and have a budget so that you can manage your income effectively because New Year statutory demands such as school fees payment, new uniforms, clothes, shoes, text books, etc. will be knocking at your door and you have to face them squarely.

I want you to see your budget as an opportunity to use your money wisely than you did last year so that you don’t go through the visual cycle of financial distress. The better your financial life is the healthier the family life.

2. PLAN WHAT THE FAMILY EAT

It’s important to note that a huge chuck of your income will be spent on food, so start planning how much you want to spend on what the family eat every week, every month and every year. According to USA today, the average America household spend 90% of their income on food. (https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/budget-and-spending/2018/05/08/how-does-average-american-spend-paycheck/34378157/

So try preparing your own meal as much as you can. You can seriously cut costs if you start planning your food properly each week and doing a single big shop. This is particularly easy to do if you shop online because many supermarkets have tools to help you plan meals. You can even order a whole meal’s worth of ingredients with the click of a button

If you spend 5$ a day on restaurant, that will amount to 25$ a week and 100$ a month. Is there not another way to cut this cost? Have you factored in what the kids will also spend if you have one? Make your lunches at home if possible. You can plan for a dinner a day and cook meals from scratch. This will reduce the amount on waste by making ingredients stretch across two meals instead of chucking the rest out.

There are great sites online that will teach you how to prepare a variety of meals even if you are not cut out for cooking. In this age and time there’s nothing you can’t learn to do, so don’t take chances with your money at all this year. Let every cent, shilling, etc. count on your food budget. I know you want to save some money this year and I wish to do same to.

Good housekeeping has a variety of meals you can lean to prepare immediately. You can visit them at https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/food-recipes/easy/g4900/easy-make-ahead-meals/ 1. Make a budget.

The “B” word doesn’t have to be a terrible one. For a lot of people, it implies spreadsheets and hours spent poring over said spreadsheets. Picking a number is actually pretty simple — the USDA has a chart that’ll do it for you — and then you just have to stick to that number. Because it’s a lot harder to stay on budget when you don’t have a budget to begin with!

More on Setting a Grocery Budget

The Best Budget Grocery Shopping Advice from People Who Never Overspend on Food

This Is How Much You Should Spend on Food and Groceries

 1. Make a budget.

The “B” word doesn’t have to be a terrible one. For a lot of people, it implies spreadsheets and hours spent poring over said spreadsheets. Picking a number is actually pretty simple — the USDA has a chart that’ll do it for you — and then you just have to stick to that number. Because it’s a lot harder to stay on budget when you don’t have a budget to begin with!

2. Start meal planning.

Perhaps the best way to spend less money on food is to start meal planning. (It also helps take the stress out of weeknight dinners!) Not sure where to start? We’ve got you.

3. And packing lunch.

Instead of dropping $10 a day on a mediocre sandwich from the corner deli, start packing your lunch. You can bring food you actually want to eat without spending a ton of money.

4. Organize your pantry.

If you can’t easily see what’s in your pantry (or fridge or freezer), you risk buying ingredients that you already have. This is a waste of money because one of the duplicates is almost always going to spoil before you can use it. Get those spaces organized and check — like, really check — to see what you have before you head to the store.

Steal these tricks: The Most Brilliant Pantry Organization Hacks on the Internet

5. Be a smarter grocery shopper.

Don’t use coupons to buy stuff you weren’t already planning on buying. Know how to compare prices. Consider the store brand instead of the name brand. You’ve got this!

6. Embrace leftovers.

You’d be surprised how many people tell us they’re just not into leftovers. We always assume that also means they’re not into saving money, right? Eating leftovers helps cut back on waste — and it helps stretch a dollar a little further.

7. Cut back on the coffee shop runs.

Yes, there are some who would argue that going out for coffee is totally worth it, but if you’re trying to stop spending money on coffee, the best way to do so is to make it at home.

8. Cool it with the takeout.

You don’t need us to tell you that takeout adds up much faster than groceries do. In one year, a co-founder of The Financial Diet spent $418.01 on takeout alone. Then, she took a look to see what else she could have done with that money and it was … um, motivational, to say the least.

9. Or at least start using this trick.

If you’re set on having takeout for dinner, try taking advantage of lunch specials. Most restaurants offer crazy-good deals to draw in the crowds during the day. Pick up a special during lunch, stash it in your office fridge, and the reheat it when you get home for dinner. For further reading and clarification, please go to the site below

Since the food components take so much of your pay check or income I have explore a number of good sites in this post to make your work easy for you:

3. DO ASSESSMENT OF YOUR PREVIOUS STATUTORY PAYMENT INCLUDING BILLS

By now you have a fix idea about how much you’ve paid for rent, electricity, mortgage, gas and tax last year. These are payments that will continue to engage your attention but some are things you can do something about. Take for instance your electricity consumption and that of gas . Is it possible to exchange your high energy consumption fridge and other old gadgets to a new energy serving fridge and low high tech appliances?

Most of the wastage in our energy consumption can be dealt with if we plan to cut down single ironing instead of doing bulk ironing and reduce the use of the water heater. Evaluate how you use your gas and reduce things you warm or heat quiet often. Wait until you are ready for diner before warming the food. Don’t forget that nobody can manage your money and budget better that you.

Many households are guilty about their bills payment when they could shop around for much better deals. Utility bills are a great example that face every household. Explore ways to spend less and save more in this area.

Have you tried using Uswitch? It is a simple service to use. It compares your current gas and electricity bills against what you could be paying if you switched to their service. You may save hundreds of dollars or pounds on your bills just by filling in a form online to switch provider.

It’s not just utility bills that household could benefit by being proactive. When your phone contract is coming to an end, you could talk to a competitor firms to see what their best offers are and how you can benefit from their service. At the end of the day you should be spending less money and saving a few dollars or pounds into your investment fund or emergency fund. This a wise money management

You can also go back to your current service provider and have a discussion with them. If they can’t provide better alternative to what you’ve been offered elsewhere, tell them and give them  time to respond to your request. You never know they may give it a thought and fashion out something that will meet your need so as to convince you to stay. No company is readily to lose a customer.

Internet, TV,  insurance are other bills that you must confront every month and every bill payment is an opportunity to save money by getting a better deal somewhere else. You get a great deal by spending less provided you are ready to scout widely.

4. CHOOSE ALTERNATIVE FORMS OF TRANSPORT IF AVAILABLE

We all have to travel to and from work and this also form a big component of our daily expenses. This type of expenses can’t be eliminated so far as your movement is concerned. But how we travel to work is sometimes our own choice and preferences.

Is it always necessary to really catch a bus to the station, or you could walk briskly to the station? If you register a motor bike or a bicycle that you could use instead of driving to work, you would by saving some money in this area. Can you catch a bus instead of the train? Could you carpool with colleagues going to the same direction or area?

Don’t be surprised just how quickly spare change adds up into a big amount. It may seem an old way of saving but it’s very effective in the long round. Put all of your loose change in a small container. Anytime your wallet is rattling, empty it into the container.

 When the container is full take it to the bank. They have machines you can pour your saved coins into and it will do all the calculations for you; which you can then deposit straight into your account.

There’s is a new app named Moneybox. If you’re too modern and cashless for loose change, this app can track your spending and offers you the chance to round up each transaction to the nearest dollars or pounds, depositing the difference into a savings or investment account for you according to your choice of account.

People say this app is the digital equivalent of a piggy bank but the good thing is that it pays interest on your money rather than just let it sit on your shelf bring in nothing.

5. YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN GIFTS TO PRESENT INSTEAD OF BUYING

A lot of household waste plenty of money on presents to friends and family during the Christmas or on birthdays. It is well and good if you plan ahead for it and your budget can afford it. However there’s a cheaper alternative in making gifts instead buying them. Visit https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins

These type of gift make lasting impression because they are tailored to only that special person and they are not commonly available in the shop. You could make hampers of homemade goods such as jams. Or a photo album of special memories. Or make a decorative item of any kind. There are app at Pinterest to help you achieve all these ends.

We’ve been able to discuss 5 reasons to spend less as a responsible parent so that you can save to invest the little LEFT for the future of the family. Try and practice what you’ve learnt so as to improve your financial life better than it was last year.

Stay blessed!

Emmanuel

5 REASONS TO CONTINUE TO SAY I LOVE YOU

NEVER STOP TELLING YOUR PARTNER I LOVE YOU EVERYDAY

 

To some of us we can’t remember the last time we heard the word I love you from our partners. Most people cease using that four letter word shortly after honey moon. Others replace the use of the words “I love you” to regular hugging. The rest do regular pecking before going to work and from work.

Hugging and pecking are important elements in love relationship but they can’t in anyway replace the word “I love you” I remember a woman asked me sometime a go “Why do men find it so difficult to continue to say I love you soon after marriage” I thought I could give an answer readily but I couldn’t because I find it difficult to do so myself on a regular basis.

My research shows that the use of the word ‘I love you” seems simple but it appears the hardest thing to say across all segments of the population irrespective of education, financial status, geographical location and gender. As a social construct, the male partner is expected to say I love you the more because men are expected to show and demonstrate more love to their partners than the female partner. Even the bible confirms this social construct.

In Ephesians 5:25: “For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” … He who loves his wife loves himself.

Psychology for today gave some interesting reasons why it’s difficult to say I love you and it‘s worth sharing with you. However you can add your own reasons and let us know about them

Fear of Commitment

  • Some people put a lot of power into the three words, “I love you” and are not ready to promise something they are afraid to give. The more weight that is put on these words by the partner of someone who is “commitment phobic,” the less likely it is you will hear them tripping out of the commitment-phobe’s mouth. Love may be present, but fear of commitment keeps it from being voiced. Why do people fear commitment? By making a choice, any other options are then excluded, and that lack of options can be fear-inducing and too limiting, regardless of the love one might actually feel for their partner.

Fear of Appearing Needy

  • Admitting love, for some, is to admit that they need another person in their life. It is almost like giving away power if they admit that they are vulnerable to another.

Fear of Rejection

  • Of course, one of the strongest fears that keeps us from saying what is in our heart is the fear of our feelings not being returned. Love is like a seesaw: It’s easy to begin with one person caring more for another at the start, but a balance of give-and-take is what gives the relationship momentum.

Fear of the Potential of Being Hurt

  • Being in love with a person is almost like having an open space in your heart. The saying about “having a soft spot” for someone is wonderfully descriptive: When we let ourselves open up to another, we take away a layer of self-protection, and that allows us to be more easily hurt. Having your ego bruised by someone you have that “soft spot” for can be much more painful than when it’s someone less special to you.

Missing Role Models?

  • May be you haven’t seen tenderness expressed often between partners, families, and close friends. May be you haven’t been told often enough that you were loved. Or maybe you grew up in a family where the “currency of love” was actions, not just those three words

BELOW ARE THE 5 REASONS WHY YOU MUST CONTINUE TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO YOUR PARTNER

  1. REASSURANCE OF YOUR COMMITMENT

We are told that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Luke 6:45 NKV). Here is a profound thought. Whenever you ponder in your heart and pronounce this affirmative words to your partner, it demonstrates how committed you are to your partner and the positive thought you have for him or her.

 Therefore when you pronounce these affirmative words (I love you), you will practice what you say to your partner because human beings are habit of what they do. I must admit as a husband, I don’t say it quiet often and I know there are many men out there who are having difficulty saying these “soft words”

Whatever that’s holding us back we should gather the courage and say it every. You should say it with the purest sincerity of heart. Women especially are not fade up from hearing the word I love you. Once in a while women must also tell their partners I love you. Those who are saying it in their relationship, continue to do it and those who are not doing it like me, let have a change of mind and demonstrate our love to our partners through the use of this powerful words “I love you”

2. DEMONSTRATE YOUR CONTINOUS AFFECTION

The feelings of love and care you demonstrate to your partner shows how you care for your partner on continuous basis. Have you come across the phrase “if you love me show it for me to see” Anytime you use the word I love you, you’ve no idea how that means to your better half.

There’s no way your partner will know how you are feeling towards him or her expect you exhibit it through what you do and say. Words are powerful and you should make your partner to know your deep affection towards her or him at all material moment.

If you use all the elements of love such as kissing, hugging, and pecking and the magic word “I love you”, it would draw your partner to you again and again and this will translate into deep bonding and mutual affection towards you and your partner.

3. DEMONSTRATE NO ONE ELSE IS ENGAGING YOUR ATTENTION

Nothing happens in vacuum if it’s not triggered by action. We’ve heard story where people who were cheating on their partners call their cheating partners name during love making instead of their real partners name. Like I indicated earlier out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speak.

What we focus on daily expand and manifest in reality. Your continuous assurance to your partner that he or she means the world to you by the way you assure him or she of your love will make your partner stable psychologically with you. We are told that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speak. This is a profound thought. Whatever you ponder in your heart should come out fulfilling to your partner, and these words should lift them up. Therefore when you pronounce negative words, you will practice negative works.

What we cherish and love, we give all our undivided attention to, so is love relationship. A man sent the wife “I love you” through a text message after 10 years of marriage without such words. The response of the woman was sad. “Hey Mr. Man, don’t bring yourself. If you got another woman you are intending the message for do that” Why this response you probably ask, because, the man has never used the word I love you before after their 10 years of marriage. So the woman was thinking the man want to play a fast one on her (deceive her).

Internalize the word in your language and let it be part of the vocabulary you use at home so that when we use it our partners wouldn’t be surprise like the woman discussed above.

4. IT ENHANCES INTIMACY

What makes you develop intimacy for your partner? I know everybody has reasons why he or she has strong intimacy for his or her partner. May be your reason could be the way your partner treats you or care for you. Another person may be looking at the great kissing accompanied by hot sex. Some may be looking at the beauty or the handsomeness of their partners to get intimate with them.

Don’t underestimate the use of the words I love you. Don’t get tired to use the words “I love you” very often this year and transform your relationship with your better half. Every little things you do in your relationship would go a long way to make it succeed or fail. Choose the former and make your relationship a unique example to others.

5. IT DEEPS THE BOND IN THE RELATIONSHIP

No one tells his or her enemy I love you. But we say these words to people we care passionately about. We all want some form of confirmation that people care about us. It gives us some sense of pride and this builds our self-esteem. We feel proud and develop positive attitude towards the future and that of our partners.

Implement all the elements needed in building a great relationship, bonding take time to build but you can start now if you are failing to bond effectively with your partner. Let me repeat; don’t let these three letter words( I love you) depart from your mouth, Meditate on it day and night, so that you can have a great and successful relationship

Not too long ago, we have been able to discuss the importance to continue to say I love you in your relationship no matter how young or old the relationship is. Continue to use this powerful phrase every day in your relationship and change the way your partner relate with you.

HAPPY NEW YEAR. MAY GOD JEHOVAH BLESS YOU WITH ALL YOUR HEART DESIRES THIS YEAR

STAY BLESSED AND PROTECTED

EMMANUEL

5 EVILS OF CONSTANT CRITICISM YOU MUST AVOID IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Who doesn’t value his or her dignity? At least every one does except our unfortunate brothers and sisters who are mentally derailed or retarded. I guess you value your dignity so do your partner.

Criticism is not a bad thing in itself but when it becomes “a national anthem” you sing every day to the hearing of your party, something must definitely be wrong somewhere, which ought to be corrected in order to pave way to free flow of communication.

I know people who have penchant for criticism no matter how hard their partners try to please them. Genuine criticism that seeks to correct a partner so as to make the relationship better is to be applauded but the negative as aspect of criticism is the subject matter for discussion.

A look at criticism reveals the following 1. To express your disapproval of someone or something or to talk about their faults 2. To express judgments about the good or bad qualities of something.

So let head straight to look at the evils of criticism in a relationship and why it’s necessary on our part to eliminate it in the course of our day to day interactions with our partners.

1. CRITICISM WEAKENS THE CONFIDENCE IN YOUR PARTNER

When we were in high school, the boys the teachers criticized the most are the ones most stubborn in the class because they assumed the teachers at the time saw nothing good in them, so they used what they have in them to disturb the class every now and then.

No individual does what is right all the time without any fault. We all need that warm and lovely advice from our partners when we didn’t get all things right at one point or the other. There’s a wise saying that “there’s no institution without counsel” Meaning no one is above advice. It’s against this background that we’ve so many advisors such as

  • Financial advisors
  • Presidential advisors
  • Legal advisors
  • Business advisors
  • Company advisors
  • Investment advisors
  • Marriage advisors
  • Insurance advisors etc.

The above advisors are set up to guide businesses and individual to do the right thing in the ambit of their respective laws. So is relationship. Your partner is not above counsel but the way and manner you go about it is the main issue. If you’ve made it your goal to constantly criticize him or her, you are indirectly telling him or her they are good for nothing and for that matter he or she can’t do anything right. When you go into a relationship with this mindset, you either make your partner to draw back from taking any initiative on their own or may take you for granted (would not take you seriously again). What good is it to do your very best only to be criticized by your partner. We all need constructive criticism so that we can give out our best but don’t make it a national anthem in your relationship.

2. CRITICISM BRINGS DISHARMOY IN THE RELATIONSHIP

Lovers are supposed to be friends and not enemies. But what do we see in most relationships especially as the relationship advance in age, criticism becomes the order of the day probably because love is gradually “dying out” and we no longer care about the feelings of our partners.

Criticism is a dangerous road to travel especially in committed or marriage relationship. How do you feel if your partner doesn’t appreciate whatever you do to him or her?  Can you get closer to the person who always lambast you and never appreciate anything good you have done and continue to for him or her?

Constant criticism is a pointer that something is going wrong and partners must take steps to correct it. There are ways to go by criticism without offending your partner. Anna shares some points worth sharing and implementing its alternative in our relationships. Reframe the statement to meet your peculiar needs

1. Remove the focus from the individual

The moment your criticism becomes personal, the event becomes hostile. Stop this scenario from playing out by removing your focus on the individual (even if your focus is actually on the individual). This is best illustrated with examples. Let’s say you’re working on a team project, and one of your members isn’t delivering his updates on time. Instead of saying, “you’re not good at delivering your updates on time,” reposition the criticism to something like, “I would work more efficiently if I had your updates on time.” This becomes less of an attack on the individual, and more of an unbiased view of the situation as a whole.

2. Be specific

One of the most important qualities of effective feedback is specificity. The first part of this “specifying” process is all about identifying what it is you actually want to criticize. For example, if you feel like your work environment is hostile, walking into your boss’s office and claiming “this office is terrible” isn’t going to help anything. Precisely indicate what factors and items rest at the root of your issues. For example, “there’s a lack of efficient communication between supervisors and subordinates” is much more specific, and identifies a key area that needs work. Productive discussion can then take place.

3. Get it out

Most of us are used to playing social games where we dance around our true meaning with ambiguity and indirect references. Forget those social minutiae when delivering your criticism–they aren’t going to help you. You may think you’re softening the blow, so to speak, but what you’re really doing is injecting ambiguity to obscure your meaning. Passive-aggressive comments like “some of us prefer to get to work on time” or ambiguous comments like “I think maybe you could stand to plan your morning a little better” bear little meaning, and may even be irritating. Just come out and say it: “your punctuality needs improvement.”

4. Frame your criticism with compliments

Let your recipient know that you aren’t just trying to put them down; frame the negative elements of your critical feedback with compliments. This is a bit of a psychological trick, preventing the recipient from suffering a blow to her ego, but more importantly, it shows that you’re paying attention to the total picture, not just one element. For example, you might say, “Great work on that project! Your writing was crystal clear. I think it could use a little more research to back up your facts, but overall, it’s on point.”

5. Offer suggestions

Criticism without a suggestion is like being a navigator, telling someone they’re headed in the wrong direction, and refusing to tell them which direction is the right one.  Don’t do this to your recipients. Give them at least a few options for potential development, or they might not take any effort to improve on their own. For example, you could say, “your scope documents sometimes come over as ambiguous. Could you start using a consistent format? Would it help if I came up with a list of questions for you to ask the client?” Offering your own help is always a good thing too.

6. Recognize your own subjectivity

Human beings are incapable of being objective, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise. Indicating your own subjectivity, and your own proneness to human error, will make you appear more humble, and therefore more sincere in your delivery. It doesn’t take much to imply this–a simple aside is more than enough. For example, you might say, “I’m not an expert on the subject, but I believe your plan is missing a few key details.” Don’t deprecate yourself, but admit a degree of uncertainty unless you’re absolutely sure of yourself.

7. Practice what you preach

This is a general best practice that will improve your reputation, but it’s important to acknowledge in the context of giving criticism. If you align yourself to the belief that criticism is necessary and everyone needs it, you need to be able to take it as much as you dish it out. Demonstrate your full commitment to criticism by accepting criticism of your own work. Learning to take criticism is an art in itself, but as long as you make yourself open to it, you’ll set a better standard for your entire team.

It’s a sad fact that most people still take criticism as an insult or as a “bad thing” in general. But if you frame it correctly, even the staunchest opponent will find themselves able to recognize that you’re doing this for their best interests. This doesn’t always make it easy to give or easy to take, but it does produce the best possible scenario for what is, ultimately, a necessary exchange. (https://www.inc.com/anna-johansson/7-ways-to-voice-criticism-without-being-negative.html)

3. CONSTANT CRITICISM STAGNATES INTIMACY

When you are always bashing your partner through constant criticism, you would be gradually destroying the intimacy that holds and binds the relationship together. When this attitude continues in the relationship sex will be destroyed and there will not be any livewire to support the marriage or relationship. This will put you far apart from each other even though you may leaving under the same rough. It’s not surprising to see couples sleep on the same bed without any sexual intimacy for years.

Since intimacy has to do with the way people feel towards each other we have to deal with the way we criticize our partners so as not to destroy the intimacy we have with them. Whatever the case may be your partner would offend you in one way or the other but learn to master the urge not to speak any negative words as you normally do.

Successful relationships are not without problems but the individuals in such relationships learn to handle conflicts maturely without reaching the breaking point because people learn how to control their tongues. If you know how to control your tongue I can assure you that your marriage relationship would go as far as you want.

4. CONSTANT CRITICISM SHOWS PRIDE

There’s nothing wrong if you take pride in who you are and what you do. The kind of pride I am talking about is the constant demonstration to your partner that you are better off in every way than your partner. How do people do this? When they constantly criticize their partners for not doing what they think is right. Examples: any purchase by their partners is considered inferior, any alternative option given is deemed outmoded etc. Such people will never be satisfied with anything to say the least.

Even if you don’t like what your partner has done you should be respectful and find a better way to go about it without sounding prideful through your utterances. Great people don’t run others down in order to make themselves better. They rather support everyone to be better off.

Do everything you can to complement the weaknesses of your partner without making it a big issue as some people do in their relationships. You don’t highlight your partner’s mistakes to justify your criticism. Don’t be arrogant to humble yourself to know your own weaknesses. You may also have a weakness your partner is dealing with so don’t make it looks like you are very perfect and have no flaw.

 Avoid this attitude for the sake of your partner and the love you have for each other.

5. CONSTANT CRITICISM DEMONSTRATES IMMATURITY

I witnessed a marriage that lasted for six months and ended on divorce because the lady can’t stop criticizing everything about the husband. The lady is young and happens to come from an affluent home and for that matter she extends her parent’s home experience to her marriage.

You have to grow in your relationship and see conflicts as a normal part of your marriage or relationship. You don’t extend the experience in your old relationship or the experience you had with your parent to your new home. You have to acquire experience through your daily experiences with your partner in the relationship.

If your own partner couldn’t be a good example for you when it comes to dealing with your partner, read and learn about how people manage to deal with criticism in their relationships and come out strongly in the long round. You have no idea how people are praying and envying your relationship with your partner. It’s too costly to disappoint them. You can do better by staying clear from criticism.

Criticism is another frequently abuse element in our relationships and we must learn to either avoid it or use it constructively to enhance our relationships. I want to see you happy with your partner doing forward so if it’s possible don’t criticize him or her. You are in the relationship to complement him or her and not to announce your partner’s weaknesses to the world. The world has its own challenges, don’t add yours to it.

HAPPY NEW AND PROSPEROUS RELATIONSHIP

Stay blessed

Emmanuel

6 REASONS TO LISTEN MORE TO YOUR PARTNER THAN YOU TALK

THERE’S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR ACTIVE LISTENING IN A RELATIONSHIP


Even though listening transcends all conversations and communications, it’s often not given the attention it deserves in our relationship. Many people assume that their presence during a discussion amounts to listening when in the actual fact their minds are wandering far away from their partners during conversation.

I am still guilty I must admit when it comes to active listening to my wife and this often leads to her withdrawal when I’ve to ask the same information she discussed with me again. I felt very bad when my wife has to refer to me as “you are not a good listener” But do I have any cause to complain? Absolute No. I don’t really do active listening and hence her difficulty in discussing issues that bothered her and the family sometimes. Bad isn’t? I have since repented from this behavior and want you to also change and pay close attention to your partner when they are speaking to you.

Effective listening is fundamental to any good communication. Good communication is vital to building any loving and successful relationship. Being able to openly communicate with your partner and also feel that you have been heard by your partner is significant to the success of a sustainable and long lasting marriage relationship.

 According to Ralph Nicholas “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” However, this is a big missing link in most relationships, which shouldn’t be the case. We are to be present physically, spiritually and emotionally when our partner is talking to us. Nothing should engage your attention more than what he or she want to say.

Recent studies have indicates that we typically remember only 25-30% of what we hear at a time. However, ‘Active Listening’ can increase that figure enormously. One of the ways to use ‘Active Listening’ is to remember the often-used expression that “eyes and ears should be used in the same proportion they have been allocated to us.”

“Active Listening” leads to solid relationships and relationships are built through different human attributes. At the core of these attributes is listening. There are ways we can do this:

  1. Not getting distracted by notifications on your phone or email and listen to both what is being said and how it is spoken. Turn your phone off if that makes it easier for you to pay more attention.
  2. Keep your eyes and your mind focused on your partner rather than what else is competing your attention
  3. Apply subtle changes in body language to show you are interested, such as sitting up straight to refocus yourself while  maintaining eye contact throughout the communication
  4. Avoid gestures, which make it appear as though you are not listening, such as fidgeting with a pen, looking over paperwork or tapping your feet or anything of that sort
  5. Think about what your partner is saying and why they might be saying it. Ask for confirmation if you are not too sure of a name, a figure, a specific information or an amount that may recall for exact information from your partner.
  6. Remind yourself of how you wish to be treated when it’s your turn to speak. If you love your partner, respect him or her by the way you listen to them.
  7. Do not try to formulate a response until they have finished speaking, ensuring you get the full, clear message. We sometimes get it all wrong as men when we appear as if we have already prepared answers to what our partners have to say. Avoid this mistake, this time wrong.

Find below 5 reasons why you must listen more than talking

1. LISTENING MORE MAKES YOU TO UNDERSTAND YOUR PARTNER BETTER

“How can you understand me when you’ve not given me the opportunity to explain myself” This has been a nightmare for a woman who’s married to a business man. The man pretend as if he knows all the emotional and physical issues of the wife and hardly gives her the opportunity to tell him what actually is her concerns.

Relationships have evolved over the years and so have the causes of relationship problems. Relationship Australia’s survey undertaken in 2011, indicates communication difficulties are the second top reason for partner relationship breakdowns, followed closely by financial stress.

Sasha explains that “when couples listen attentively to one another, it allows each one to feel good about the conversation and feel like their concerns have been considered and addressed.” 

I am told by wife that it’s not everything that women want their husband address with money but they (women) sometimes want to be heard so that they can cool down. She said “we normally fail to get this right as men”

Good listening strengthens the relationship between you and your partner and allows you to understand exactly what each wants to say and what attention to give to one another; thus creating a healthy and fulfilling relationship

2. LISTENING MORE REDUCES CONFLICTS

  Most conflict is caused by misunderstood communication between you and your partner. Either you are not doing active listening or she is not communicating the information appropriately.

When there is successful communication, conflict between you and partner is solved by bridging the communication gaps that normally create it

As a matter of fact people are not listening at all during conversation these days and these results in the way people want a particular information repeated over and over again. It appears we are paying more attention to our phones than our partners. Sad, I must admit.

May be you were not a good listener last year but promise me you going to be an effective listener and build a happy relationship with your partner. Great! I am proud of you.

3. LISTEN MORE PREVENTS DISTORTION OF INFORMATION

In communications, distortion can come about as a result of alteration of the waveform of an information-bearing signals, such as a sound and other form of disturbances. Distortion is usually unwanted interferences which prevents you from giving your undivided attention to someone who is communicating to you.

I remember my wife one day got upset with me and turn off the radio set because she was passing a sensitive information to me while I was listening to news at the same time. I thought I can do the two but in the actual fact, I can’t do both. I was paying more attention to the news than her. Many couples go through such situations every day.

Don’t allow any distortion to take place when you are communicating with your partner. Avoid all forms of disturbances and give your partner undivided attention. Make sure you understood pretty well what he or she has communicated to you and ask the relevant question for clarifications when it’s your time to do so.

4. LISTERNING MORE DRAW YOU CLOSER TO YOUR PARTNER

Effective and good communication is an indication of successful and loving relationship. If I know what you are thinking and you know what am thinking we can get along nicely. This basic element is missing in most relationships because communication has broken down due to ineffective listening.

Make your partner to understand you clear and loud without second guessing what you are likely thinking about all along. If you can make him or her to understand you better without any doubt in his or mind, you would draw your partner closer to you. The proverbial phrase “can two walk together except they agree” plays a crucial role in this respect.

5. LISTENING ENHANCES COMMUNICATION

According to a research, the data show that an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001). That is, by any standards, a lot of time listening. It is worthwhile, therefore, taking a bit of extra time to ensure that you listen effectively.

.

When you are together, spend time with your partner to find out what issues you must pay attention to and address promptly. I know the modern economy is not giving us the time to listen to the concerns of our partners, but it’s a necessary evil to listen more. Don’t always be on the go without paying attention to what matters in the relationship.

According to Warren Edward Buffett, an American business magnate, investor, speaker and philanthropist who serves as the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, there are three things every successful person must pay attention to. These are 1) your relationship, 2) your health and 3) your business.

So, it doesn’t make sense to lose a relationship because you are pursuing your business interest. Balance your life so that none of the three important elements suffer. Pay attention to your partner and everything else in your relationships will fall in place. This is not magic but common sense approach.

6. LISTENING MORE BRINGS ABOUT TRUST

If you can’t trust your partner to be honest and independent in the way he or she would go about life, don’t hang in there and complain and whine. You’ve no business being there because you can’t follow your partner to wherever they go and that’s why we need to build trust in our relationship by listening more to what our partners feel and say. So many people have problems about trust in their relationship because they failed in developing trust in the way they communicate issues to each other. Yes, you must listen effectively to each; there’s no substitute for listening and you’ve no excuse to do otherwise. 

In the actual fact any relationship must be based on trust. When we are not listening effectively, it will be difficult for people to be able to trust each other. This means being honest with the other person in the relationship. Having trust in a relationship also means proving to each other that you are reliable, responsible, and dependable. How would your partner know what you are thinking about if you don’t listen to what they have to say? Don’t be in a hurry to conclude a discussion if your partner has not reach the conclusion point as regard to what they have to say.

What happens in a relationship without trust? It could involve second guessing and not believing each other. It also might involve betrayal by sharing secrets or obsessively checking on the other person.

For example: if you are worried your partner  may be cheating on you, constantly checking his or her phone messages to make sure he or she is not texting or calling someone else means you do not trust him or her enough. A better way to tackle this is to communicate your concerns and develop a greater sense of trust through what your partner has to say in response.

 A man severely beat up the wife on the common word ‘hello dear’ as appeared on the wife’s phone as a message. Even though the woman disclosed the identity of her new client to the husband, the husband didn’t listen effectively to the wife and appeared to have no knowledge of the wife’s new client who usually address her as dear.

You can’t do away with trust because it is an important element of any healthy relationship. If your relationship lacks trust, it’s hard to get close to the other person and to rely on him or her for support.

In a successful relationship, you should be able to listen to your partner and been able to share information with your partner without worrying that he or she will share it with others. You should also avoid telling any other person outside the ambit of the relationship any confidential information your partner tells you unless keeping such a secret will put him or her in danger.

Every healthy relationship especially marriage must build trust so much so that you should feel comfortable around your partner and not fear for your safety. If you do have any concern for your safety or feel belittled or hurt when you’re around your partner, there is a good chance that something is not adding up and you’ve to communicate your concerns to your partner to address the issues as early as possible.

We’ve taken a look at the issue of listening in our relationships because we identified it as one of the essential elements that can enhance our relationship in the years to come. Let do our best to listen more this time round as we age in our relationship than we speak so that we can build a successful and loving relationship. When we do this successfully in our relationship, society and prosperity would be grateful to us.

Stay blessed!

Emmanuel

5 MAGIC OF SILENCE YOU MUST UTILIZE IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

THE MAGIC OF SILENCE IN A RELATIONSHIP


It’s not understatement to say it’s not all the time you need to explain yourself. There’s a wise saying that also back this saying. “It’s always good to remain silent some of the times” than to speak and when you speak at the right time you would be considered wise.

Many a times our inability to retrain ourselves when there’s conflict or misunderstanding between us and our partners has always lead to disharmony in our relationships. I know it’s difficult to restrain our emotions when we are heated up to defend our ego. But we can learn to subject our emotions and anger under control. Your emotions is directly under your command, don’t let it make you do things you may not be proud of later on.

BELOW ARE THE 5 REASONS WHY YOU NEED TO BE SILENT MOST OF THE TIMES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS GOING INTO 2019.

1. SILENCE MAKES YOU CONTROL YOUR NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

What’s emotions? Emotion is any conscious experience characterized by intense mental activity and a certain degree of pleasure or displeasure. Scientific discourse has drifted to other meanings and there is no consensus on a definition. Emotion is often intertwined with mood, temperament, personality, disposition, and motivation. (Wikipedia)

I heard people say rather sadly that they can’t control their emotions and these segment of people don’t make any headway in their relationship and marriage. Why? Because, they react as soon as they are confronted with an issue without giving it a second thought. If you are that type of person, wait a minute, these 5 steps from Psychology today would help you deal with your emotional challenges.

  1. Select the situation. Avoid circumstances that trigger unwanted emotions. If you know that you’re most likely to get angry when you’re in a hurry (and you become angry when others force you to wait), then don’t leave things for the last minute. Get out of the house or office 10 minutes before you need to, and you won’t be bothered so much by pedestrians, cars, or slow elevators. Similarly, if there’s an acquaintance you find completely annoying, then figure out a way to keep from bumping into that person.
  • Modify the situation. Perhaps the emotion you’re trying to reduce is disappointment. You’re always hoping, for example, to serve the “perfect” meal for friends and family, but invariably something goes wrong because you’ve aimed too high. Modify the situation by finding recipes that are within your range of ability so that you can pull off the meal. You may not be able to construct the ideal soufflé, but you manage a pretty good frittata.
  • Shift your attentional focus. Let’s say that you constantly feel inferior to the people around you who always look great. You’re at the gym, and can’t help but notice the regulars on the weight machines who manage to lift three times as much as you can. Drawn to them like a magnet, you can’t help but watch with wonder and envy at what they’re able to accomplish. Shifting your focus away from them and onto your fellow gym rats who pack less punch will help you feel more confident about your own abilities. Even better, focus on what you’re doing, and in the process, you’ll eventually gain some of the strength you desire.
  • Change your thoughts. At the core of our deepest emotions are the beliefs that drive them. You feel sad when you believe to have lost something, anger when you decide that an important goal is thwarted, and happy anticipation when you believe something good is coming your way. By changing your thoughts you may not be able to change the situation but you can at least change the way you believe the situation is affecting you. In cognitive reappraisal, you replace the thoughts that lead to unhappiness with thoughts that lead instead to joy or at least contentment. People with social anxiety disorder may believe that they’ll make fools of themselves in front of others for their social gaffes.  They can be helped to relax by interventions that help them recognize that people don’t judge them as harshly as they believe.
  • Change your response. If all else fails, and you can’t avoid, modify, shift your focus, or change your thoughts, and that emotion comes pouring out, the final step in emotion regulation is to get control of your response. Your heart may be beating out a steady drumroll of unpleasant sensations when you’re made to be anxious or angry. Take deep breaths and perhaps close your eyes in order to calm yourself down. Similarly, if you can’t stop laughing when everyone else seems serious or sad, gather your inner resources and force yourself at least to change your facial expression if not your mood.

Source: (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201502/5-ways-get-your-unwanted-emotions-under-control)

2. SILENCE MAKES YOU UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION BETTER

Many people are reactive instead of being responsive in dealing with the real issue confronting them and their partners directly and for that matter the relationship.

I was that type of a person some years ago when I got married to my beautiful wife, Lizzy. I didn’t just seem to understand her neither is she? I thought something was wrong and attributed our conflicts to the short during we courted (six months) before our wedding. Alas, I was wrong. I was failing to understand her and finding it difficult to ignore a lot of things she does that get me upset.

The day I decided that I am not going to be reactive to her every day issues, I become happy and have the opportunity to understand why she does what she thinks is the best for the relationship. After all I came to realize that she has the best intention for the relationship but communicate it in a way she understood it from the female point of view and I always responded from the male perspective.

You see, most often we are in a haste to make sweeping judgment and make unsubstantiated accusation because we fail to understand “ourselves” (you and your partner) in the relationship.

This time round instead of trying to make your voice heard, relax and seek ways to understand each other.

 Drop the accusations, fault finding and mistakes pointing at your partner going into the next year. Start on a clean slit and have faith to believe that all shall be well with you and your partner.

3. IT MAKES YOU TO AVOID TAKING HASTY DECISION

My late mother separated from my late dad on a mere account of suspicion: that my father was dating someone in the neighborhood. My dad and mum were not living together but strangely chose to live in two different towns. My mother told us she regretted her hasty decision to leave my dad because the allegation later turn out to be false. Even though my dad didn’t marry again after the separation, it was too late for her to come back, because of pride.

Some beautiful marriages ended on the rock because of the fact that people were not silent enough to allow time to reveal the true state of affair in their relationship. You may be living with a difficult person and remaining silent is like getting the lion from the bush to come and dance with you.  It can be very frustrating but there’s a way out of every situation.  Don’t reinvent the wheel.  Every PROBLEM you face or are facing, I want you to know that people have faced similar or worse situation before but managed to overcome it. You can also overcome any challenge in your relationship if only you remain silent for some time.

Don’t be angry and disappointed in yourself, take a deep breath and ask yourself what’s making you angry and whether it’s necessary to be angry at all. If you were to be like me, I will say be cool and ignore your partner. Pretend as if you are not bothered by remaining quiet. He or she may not know what you are up to and it normally sends a positive signal that you might be thinking of something, which will make your partner uncomfortable. When you succeeded in doing this, your partner will think twice about his or her behavior towards you. Practice the magic of silence and reap its tremendous benefits.

4. IT MAKES YOU TO BE HAPPY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

How long can you keep on complaining and whining about your partner’s attitude and behavior? Do you know the more you complain about that particular behavior the more he or she manifest it. Why? It’s because your are focusing on the issue so much and what you pay so much attention to expand.

If you want to see your partner put up the right behavior, focus on what you want to see in him or her. Yes focus on the positive side of your partner and see the positive part of her or him manifest. Be quite and slowly focus on all the good things you want to see. Do it quietly and silently by closing your eyes every 15 minutes a day. 15 minutes a day is deemed by experts in the meditation and visualization industries as great to bring a change.

What do you want to see in your partner, focus on that the more and you would be happy to manifest just that? You are the architect that can create happiness in your own relationship. No one else can do that for you. If you focus in making your partner happy, you would equally become happy because you are likely to ignore all your partner’s weaknesses.

5. IT DRAWS YOU CLOSER TO YOUR PARTNER

Have you not heard the phrase “silence means concerns” Yes you’ve heard it a number of times. The magic of silence is so powerful that even if a fool kept his mouth shout, people might not know what he’s about and he may be given the needed respect.

Do you know your partner may be happy if he or she succeeds in getting you upset all the time with his or her behavior? Why do you allow him or her to take control over your life when you’ve the capacity to determine how your life should run?

This time round remain silent if possible smile. If he or she realizes that you no longer take him or her seriously they may be forced to get closer to you to find out if everything is fine. You’ve no idea how it feels like if you are silently being ignored. Since we can’t read the construction of people’s mind by the expression they put up on their faces, people are forced to know what people are thinking by what they say.

Practice this psychological trick and see how he or she reacts towards you.

One of the secrets of all successful relationships is being silence and allow time to explain itself. Fortunately every human being has this power within the conscious mind. Practice these five silent tools in your relationship and see its magic power in your relationship and personal life going forward.

Happy New Year in Advance!

Stay blessed

Emmanuel

MODERN LADIES ARE NOT “FATHER CHRISTMAS”

MODERN LADIES ARE NOT FATHER CHRISTMAS DON’T TAKE THEM FOR GRANTED


There has been hue and cry about modern ladies commitment in a relationship. So many descriptions are given to the modern ladies probably because of the way they carry themselves and their ability to go for what they want.  Most men call the modern ladies as “gold diggers”, “money spenders”, “unfaithful”, “untrusted”, and “uncommitted”, ”heart breakers”, “necessary evils” “uncaring” “selfish” etc.

Whatever name you call them, they know what they want and just focus in achieving just that. Yes, the modern lady is not afraid to go for what she wants. In the course of achieving these things, they would step on your toes, pardon them, they would hurt you, forgive them, they would steal you, temper justice with mercy, they would take away your joy, it’s not intentional, don’t avoid them etc.

Below are the 5 reasons why most ladies do what to make commitment

1. FINANCIAL FREEDOM

Who doesn’t want some amount of comfort and luxury in life? I want, you want and the ladies want to. In time past our great grandmothers suffer with our great grandfathers without anything called luxury and enjoyment in their marriage life. Everything at the time seems mechanical and their marriage life is a sad narrative to give.

This generation of ladies read and some experienced the suffering they went through in the hands of some “unscrupulous” men to the detriment of their life. What’s their reward for all their struggle and suffering with men? They are often beaten, thrown away, sacked, abused and unjustifiably divorced in some cases. For every action, there’s an opposite reaction. Nothing happens in vacuum. The local people say “there’s no smoke without fire” Does that resonate with you? Sure, may be yes, may not.

One day a lady told me some months ago that ‘today’s women’ are not “Father Christmas” Meaning they can’t longer be taken for granted. She added that she wouldn’t date a poor man and hope and pray that things will get better. What happens if things get better and you are sacked? In a legally married union, the lady may get a fair compensation but in the case of cohabitation or casual relationship compensation may be difficult to secure. By now you should understand why some ladies do what they do. Hey ladies, as you celebrate Christmas, be flexible about some of your demands, we’re here to support you.

2. PAST DISAPPOINTMENTS

It’s not a mistake when you hear our elders (experts in the relationship space) say history is a guide to the future. Or are you not familiar with the idiom “once bitten, twice shy” Once hurt, one is doubly cautious in the future so as not to be hurt again and again. This seemingly old observation, presumably alluding to an animal biting someone, was first recorded in 1894.

You may also like to read about why commitment is difficult for young guys below

https://parentrens.com/2018/23/12/why-commitment-difficult-for-young-guys

Past disappointments really made a lots of young women unwilling to commit to their present day relationship. These women are fully armed to handle disappointments when it occurs in order not to suffer any emotional trauma which most women go through when their relationship abruptly comes to an end.

One lady told me that she goes into a relationship with one foot inside and one foot outside. Her simple reason is that she has suffered series of disappointments from men and would not allow anybody to hurt her again and take her for granted as has been her case.

Does it mean all ladies are faithful and all men are not faithful? I wonder, but the issue still remains that we attract to ourselves what we usually focus our attention on. Instead of focusing on your past disappointments, why not focusing on meeting a great guy who meet all your requirement of a “real man”

3. INDEPENDENT MINDSET

 Don’t be mistaken, your own child at appoint in time would want to be left alone so that he or she can do things on their own. Most modern day young women want to do things their own way without been told what to do and what not to do. Don’t be offended, some men are controlling and nuisance in the home to say the least.

The independent mindset of women is not bad in itself but when it becomes a lifestyle it may affect other side of the woman’s life. Take for instance, family life. You need the corporation of your partner to achieve success in the marriage institution.

In every sphere of life, no individual can say he or she is complete without the input of the other. Industry needs the famer as much as the farmer needs the industry. Your independent mindedness should not prevent you from entering into a meaningful relationship. Someone is praying to have somebody like you. Don’t close the door yet.

4. INSECURITY

Insecurity is the certainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence or the state of being open to danger or threat; lack of protection. For instance we can say there’s growing job insecurity or she had a deep sense of insecurity”

So how does insecurity affect some women from making long term relationship commitment? When people are always afraid that they would suffer disappointment again, their whole life is under constant torment not to make any contact with the opposite sex. The se segment of women are not likely to make any new relationship because they assumed that they are not lucky enough to ever meet the right person in their life and would disappointed again.

A young woman who lost her husband to road accident never deep it fit to marry again because according to her there can’t be any man like her late husband. She has closed the door on meeting somebody who will be like the husband or more than the husband in life. Is that thinking positive? How would she know that she wouldn’t meet anybody like the husband? Negative attitude! Until you leave your comfort zone, you wouldn’t know what the world has in stock for you.

A relationship expert Marc Bois described insecurity as a terror and urged such people to seek help immediately because it could affect all aspect of a person’s life. Don’t allow insecurity to hold you back. Deal with it by seeking a professional guidance to resolve the problem.

5. NEGATIVE PERCEPTION ABOUT MARRIAGE

A lots of studies have been carried out to find the reasons why many young people are not willing to get married. The reasons stated by various research are interlinked and are not fat fetched. As a matter of fact you must see yourself as individual first before dancing to the tune of the general public. The mere fact that someone doesn’t want to marry should not be the basis for making your own decision.

Read about 9 negative youth perceptions about marriage below in one of my posts

https://parentrens.com/2018/15/12/9-negaive-youth-perception-about-marriage

You may also like to read what psychology of today find about young adult not deciding to marry below

https://www.psychologytoday.com/…/get…/young-adults-are-deciding-not-marry-toda…

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? If you are 30 years, you would me 40 years in the next decade. So the decision about marriage is an individual affair. Marriage is not scaring and would not change what you want to do in life, it would rather enhance it. Do you know many people become focus in life the very day they decide to marry and a lot achieve more than they acquired when leaving alone.

We’ve been able to look at 5 reasons why women are not ready to settle down cheaply in any kind of relationship. But you should be mindful of the decision you make today, because every decision has its ramifications for the future. Look out for my next post on Wednesday.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND PROSPEROUS HAPPY NEW YEAR

God richly bless you and your household.

Emmanuel.

.

5 REASONS WHY COMMITMENT IS DIFFICULT FOR YOUNG GUYS

FEAR OF COMMITMENT TO ONE LADY MAKES LONG TERM COMMITMENT DIFFICULT FOR GUYS

“Why enter into a relationship if you know you wouldn’t be committed to me” asked a young worried young man who was disappointed by the partner some weeks ago. According to the guy that was his third disappointments and vowed never to commit herself in any relationship, not even human angel from heaven.

The issue of commitment in a relationship has engaged the attention of both the young and old worldwide. It’s not by mistake to hear young men and ladies being unwilling to enter into committed relationship these days because of the uncertainty surrounding relationships in our present world.

What’s commitment that we all must be concerned about? The basic definition of commitment is a promise to do something or to behave in a particular way. Before people decide to enter into a relationship, there’s a desire to be committed to each other and the driving force behind all these is love. So what’s the disconnection? The reality is that many young ladies and gentlemen are unwilling to be committed in their relationship and for that matter their partners.

Read below the 6 reasons why most men are not willing to commit themselves in their relationships.

1. UNCERTAINTY ABOUT TRUST

“How certain are you that your partner will not let you down” asked a young university graduate who wasn’t too sure whether he has the capacity to deal with trust issue in his relationship, having observed the way and manner young ladies change men like changing their panties on university campuses

As a matter of fact, many young men are not willing to make any serious commitment in their relationships because of the issue of trust. Since relationship has to do with trust, many young people don’t feel comfortable enough to commit their soul, spirit, heart and body to somebody they can’t trust going forward. It’s not only women who are emotionally traumatized when there’s break up. Men equally do.

So, the issue now is: how do we go from here. We need to do something about the issue of trust in our relationship.

2. UNWILLINGNESS TO MAKE FINANCIAL COMMITMENT

There’s no relationship that is “father Christmas” without you having to spend some money. Many young people don’t seem to come to terms with the fact that they would have to spend their hard cash somehow to keep their female partners.

A dams, a young technologist told me “how do you spend money on somebody who may leave you to another person who’s better than you financially” This was an issue the girl friend brought to my attention as their family counsellor. My respond to her was: how far are you ready to go with Adams. Her respond was: “as far as he is ready to open his palm and spend his money with her”.  You can see where the conversation is going on both sides.

Adams loved the girlfriend but not too sure she would stay with him for long and for that was afraid to spend money on her. The girlfriend was unhappy with Adams because he wasn’t spending money on her even though he’s well paid in his job.

3. UNWILLINGNESS TO SHOULDER RESPONSIBILITIES

Who doesn’t know that commitment in a relationship may lead to marriage? You don’t want to be living like Romeo and Juliet in the literature book we all read in our junior and senior high schools. It will get to a point where you would have to make a bigger decision to get marry.

The mere mention of marriage scares a lot of young people because of the issue of responsibilities. Many young people have come to the realization that family life comes with huge responsibilities which many are ready to foot.

It’s O.K. nowadays to see a lot of young people into relationship with no plans to get marry. Financial responsibility has been one of the “monsters” many guys are trying to avoid. How long do you want to have fun with your partner without the desire and commitment to settle down?

 Remember it’s possible to settle down with your partner if you are willing to do so. “Remember two heads are better than one” When you plan and put your resources together, you can do more than you think is possible.

4. PERSONAL DISAPPOINTING EXPERIENCES

Whether you like it or not our personal experiences influence the way we react and response to similar issues in life. History they say is a guide to the future. If you have been disappointed once, twice or more, you will be careful going into a new relationship.

Negative experiences have held a lot of people back from making fresh start into a new relationship because of the fact that all information they feed their subconscious mind is negative. Since the subconscious mind does not argue with you about what you feed into it, they ended up disappointed the third or fourth times.

You might not be lucky in your previous relationship but that shouldn’t define your new relationship. All ladies are not “bad”. There are millions of good ones out there. May be you haven’t come across one yet, continue to have open mind going into new relationship and success will be yours.

5. NEGATIVE EXPERIENCE FROM PARENTS

If you grow up in a family where there’s no happiness but all you see your mum and dad do always are quarrelling and fighting, you are likely to reject the idea in your mind that there can’t be happy and lovely relationship.

Many young people confirmed that they are being afraid to enter into a relationship because of what they witnessed in their parents relationship during a youth retreat that was organized in June this year by Salvation Army, a religious group.  The retreat is to provide pre-marital counselling to the youth so that they can dispel any negative issues about marriage.

6. FEAR OF COMMITMENT

Jim and the girlfriend has been visiting me for counselling about their plan to get marry in 2020. One day Jim visited me in my office without the girlfriend and told me he has a confession to make. I told him he’s safe and can go ahead to make the confession. “I am afraid to make a commitment with Erica my girlfriend because I am insecure when it comes to making long term commitment. I am likely to change my mind along the line”

I asked him, why you kept the relationship going all these while. He said “I didn’t want to hurt her” The fact still remains, a lot of young men can’t be committed to one person and like the issue discussed above are afraid to make long term commitments.

We’ve been able to discuss 6 reasons why commitment is difficult for young guys these days. In my next post I would discuss 5 reasons why young ladies are equally not ready for commitment in a relationship.

 Merry Christmas

Stay Blessed!

Emmanuel

5 DESERVING MERRY CHRISTMAS & THANK YOU FOR ALL PARENTS

NO AMOUNT OF COMPENSATION WOULD BE COMMENSURATE TO THE SACRIFICES PARENTS MADE IN THEIR CHILDREN

I never knew parenting is such a daunting task until I got married and has to deal with nurturing and raising four lovely kids whose photos I used for the cover of this post.

When I reflected on all the sacrifices my late mother of blessed memory has made in our lives (the six children), I silently cry each time we are about celebrating Christmas because of what she has to go through as a single parent along the way to get us few things for the Christmas.

I know there are millions of responsible parents all over the world who are doing all they can to put food on the table and keep the home lively for their family. Some parents do the “unthinkable” to provide food and shelter for their families worldwide.

Join me to wish all parent Merry Christmas and say a big thank you to all hardworking parents and ‘to be parents’ in the making. So why do we need to wish all parents Merry Christmas. Please read on to appreciate the call

1. PARENTS ARE INDISPENSABLE

Think of the good things your parents have done and continue to do for you and prepare you for where you are and where you will be tomorrow. Are you able to keep accurate record of all the contributions they’ve made in your life? Do you know some parents continue to support their children even after they left the home and get married? Indeed, the role of parents whether physical, financial, spiritual and emotional is indispensable.

I heard people sometimes say their parents didn’t take care of them. It’s possible you are saying the truth to some extent but do you know they have breastfeed you, clothed you, sheltered you and provided all the necessary care including health are at the time when you are most vulnerable and could die easily if you are not well catered for at your infancy.  

Do you know you would not survive if your parents should leave you unattended to? You may not receive the best of treatment but I want you to appreciate the contributions they made in your life. They did what they can under the circumstances for you, appreciate that and drop your bitterness against your parents. If he or she also wants the blame game to continue, they would also have their parents to blame.

As a matter of fact nobody can do what your parents did for you. Learn to recognize that and move on

# Merry Christmas to all parents

# Thank you

2. PARENTS ARE INCOMPARABLE

Many things can be compared to each other but every parent is unique and faces different circumstances and challenges when raising their kids.

Even though parents live in different locations of the world, every parent ensures that the child is brought up well and taken care of properly irrespective of the condition they live in.

One unique thing about parent is that every parent wants the best for the child and many do everything to achieve that end.

I want you to know that your parent can’t be compared to any other parents in the world no matter how you view them.

# Merry Christmas to all parent

# Thank you parents

3. PARENTS SACRIFICES CAN BE COMPENSATED

Companies and organizations compensate their clients and employees for personal infringement, industrial risks and damages etc.

But what compensation would be just and fair for parents especially mothers who sacrifice all their time, efforts, money, personal lives, luxury and comfort for their children.

Is it possible to have an appropriate measure of compensation packages for a parent? Where will the compensation start from? Is it from pregnancy to adulthood where the child leaves the home? Somebody should help me here. I am not too good in dealing with figures. Probably we need an actuarial scientist to design a scale for calculating appropriate compensation packages for parents if it is possible. I brought this issue up owing to the way some parents are treated by their kids in their old age.

This scale would inform children to know how much have been invested in them by their parents, so that they can behave responsible towards them.

4. PARENTS ARE NOT APPRECIATED ENOUGH

Do you know many adult children abandoned theirs parents to their feet at their old age? Yes, some do and it’s very pathetic to be treated by your own children at the time when they most needed them.

Do you also know that some children after marriage debar (prevent or stop) their parents from visiting their homes? Yes, some children see their parents as nuisance who must not be allowed into their homes. What a tragedy to commit against parents who move heaven and earth to make sure their children reach where they are today only to be abandoned along the line when they needed their attention most.

What can you do for your parents that would be commensurate enough to all their sufferings and contributions? Parents only want you to recognize the sacrifices they have made in their children’s live so that they can be acknowledged when appropriate.

Set aside a time to visit them and put a smile on their faces. Go with your family if possible and don’t go empty handled to see them. Buy what they like while leaving with them.

# Merry Christmas to all parents

# Thank you to all parents

5. PARENTS LOVE FOR THEIR KIDS HAS NO LIMIT

“Can a woman forget her nursing child? that she would have no compassion on the son of her womb” That phrase from the bible show the degree of love parents have for their children.

When it comes to the love parents have for their kids, you have no idea the extent to which parents on daily basis out of love for their kids can go. Most parents go the extra mile to feed their families and keep things going. The world population is showing us that we have 51.9% female population as compare to 48.1% male population. The World Bank reports also indicates that there are more females who are household heads, meaning a lots of household are being managed by women.

Do you know some mothers sleep empty stomach and give the little food they have for their kids to eat because of the love they have for their kids. My late was seen wearing two dresses for a whole years just to make sure we are school. She makes sure we eat the best food while she deny herself any nutritious food because of the scarcity of money at the time.

May be you have not come across such situation in your life before probably because of your geographical locations? But these things are real and happening every day across the world. Since you can’t love your parents like they love you, be responsive and kind towards them when they need you.

We have been able to discuss 5 reasons why we need to say merry Christmas to our parents and a big thank you. They deserve to be acknowledged and appreciated because no compensations would be enough to justify the contributions they made in our lives. For that matter, wish your parents merry Christmas.

 # Merry Christmas to all parents

# Thank you to all parents

Merry Christmas in advance and remain safe during the yuletide and wait for my next post on Sunday.

Stay blessed!

Emmanuel

12 BEAUTIFUL PLACES TO TAKE YOUR KIDS THIS CHRISTMAS

CHANGE THE CHRISTMAS NARRATIVE THIS CHRISTMAS

Christmas has always draw the world’s attention to many different things not only for Christians but all types of people across the globe for various reasons. To the Christians it brings into memory the birth of Christ. It’s more or less an important day for Christians to remember the birth of their savior. To the rest of the world it signals the end of the year. There are various fun activities that take place in various parts of the world.

The US retail industry alone is claimed to generate three trillions in commercial activities during the yuletide where many things are consumed in excess during the holiday as happens in other part of the world. Think of things like animals (cows, goats, sheep, etc.), chickens, drinks, biscuits, chocolates, alcohol etc.) during this short period.

I remember growing up in a small town where Christmas brings so much joy because of what we’ll eat and probably wear new dresses. But times have changed and our kids are eating and seeing the things they usually see during the Christmas. There isn’t much difference between Christmas and ordinary days apart from the excesses in consumption and spending.

Kids are now thinking differently from what we normally associated with Christmas with. Guess what kids under 12 years are thinking about this Christmas. They want to visit naturally occurring beautiful and interesting things in nature.

1. BEAUTIFUL NATURAL PARK


You may be thinking all kids may want to visit the shopping malls and other interesting places that are all hyped by the social and the traditional media for commercial purposes. You may be wrong if you think so. These young kids who were interviewed by the Christmas Child, an NGO (Non-governmental Organization), mentioned 12 most interesting things in the world they would want to see , decided to visit the natural park as their first preference and most interesting thing in the world.

You can always change the traditional narrative of Christmas by taking your child to an interesting place that is not commercially inclined in your neighborhood.

2. BEAUTIFUL WATERFALLS

When we talk of waterfalls what did your mind quickly settle on? Probably you’ve not physically visit a waterfall or visit a site of that nature before. There are a lot of beautiful waterfalls dotted all over the world. I am told most of the waterfalls are yet to be discovered. I haven’t visited much waterfalls but the three I visited in South Africa and Ghana are awesome.

The cool air emanating from the water is enough to “heal” you naturally. This Christmas try and pay a visit to a waterfall in your area. You will enjoy the trip.

3. BEAUTIFUL GARDENS

Most of us can easily identified a small backyard garden and so the name garden is easy to associate with. However, I am talking about large scale naturally occurring garden that has been preserved as a tourist site.

Have you visited one recently? Gardens are a beautiful place to visit. Most gardens are full of different flowers, birds and sometimes small animals and plants.

Your child wants to visit a garden near him or her

4. BEAUTIFUL ANIMALS

I am always afraid of animals because of a story I read several years ago about how a tourist was killed in Kenya by a lion. That old story always ring bell in my ear. Frankly speaking I’ve not visited any animal site to observe them in their natural environment.

But my wife is a friend of animals and I am trying to defeat that negative mindset that’s holding me back from visiting animals in their natural environment. In 2019, I planned visiting a zoo in Kenya to observe the various types of monkeys. I can’t wait to take my wife along. What’s your child’s favorite animal, do you know? Ask him or she and you will be amazed by the kind of animals they would mention.

5. BEAUTIFUL RIVERS

I grew up near a lake and has always been fond of rivers, lakes and streams. As a matter of fact, I helped my uncle who was a fisherman to fish I visited in a fishing village, so I know pretty well about rivers and I can swim very well. I have never stop reading about rivers and fishes.

In fact, some rivers are naturally beautiful and you should visit one this holiday to release stress and gather your energy for 2019. Please be careful when you go with your kids near the river. Don’t leave them alone, you might lose focus of them.

6. BEAUTIFUL FOREST

I love everything green and for that matter I can’t  help agreeing with the kids when they chose the forest as the 7th thing in nature that is interesting to them in the world and when given the opportunity they would want to visit a beautiful forest.

Do you see the thinking of kids! The fact of the matter is that kids have no limitation to their scope of imagination. For a child, anything is possible and sees the dad as a superman who can make everything possible. Many adult stop thinking because of our limited scope of imagination due to the way we entangle ourselves with the economic reality.

7. BEAUTIFUL ORNAMENTAL TREES

I see a kind of lifestyle among most urban dwellers these days that sadden my heart. We’ve beautiful houses all over the place in the city but no trees to provide natural shelter because we can afford air conditioners.

All the trees are cut down to build houses and build industries. I visited an old retired soldier who has planted trees all over his compound including a small garden. I asked why trees all over the compound? He laughed and told me” human beings are destructive to nature in all our effort to civilization”

The purpose of a beautiful tree in your house can’t compromised. Plant one where you live.

8. BEAUTIFUL MOUNTAINS

If you are not a countryside boy or girl, it will be difficult for you to appreciate the beauty of the mountains. A visit to the mountain will reveal God’s handiwork or nature’s design in action. As to how the mountains are formed is a whole thing all together.

Creation made it possible for life to exist and all these natural things are created for our relaxation and relief. But what do we see. Destruction left and right in the name of industrialization. I am not against industrialization. At least it will make life better for the population but I am against it wanton destruction. I encourage you to visit a countryside one of these days and see the beauty of the countryside devoid of the chaotic city life in most major cities across the world.

9. BEAUTIFUL SEA

I love the sea but have not made the attempt to bath in it before because of stories of its violent nature in certain days according to local fishermen. I admire the sea breeze and the waving nature of the sea when I go to the sea shore.

Are you a beach lover? How often do you go to the sea? The kids mentioned the sea as the 9th most interesting thing in nature. Engage your kids and find out from them, what is the most interesting thing in the world, giving the item listed above?  Let them classify them according to their preference. You will see or hear interesting stuff.

10. BEAUTIFUL NATURAL ZOO

Animal lovers love the zoo at least for the sake of the fact that the survival of animals is guarantee at the zoo. Do we still patronize the zoos these days? I am told most zoos are folding up because of the hostile climatic conditions in which these animals are kept.

Don’t just read about animals from books but make time to visit a nearby zoo and appreciate nature. If you do this, you will care very much about animals.

11. BEAUTIFUL FLOWERS

I still remember what my aunty told me when I was in Senior high school. According to her the husband travelled and was expecting “better things” only to be given a Bouake of flowers. She told me she was very mad with the husband who has travelled to UK and came with only flowers. But other things   later followed according to her.

We all love flowers probably because of the various colors and everybody has his or her favorite color. Children love flowers and I am surprised that they chose flowers as the 11th most interesting thing in the world. I know it will not be difficult for you to tell me your favorite flowers. I can’t readily mention my favorite flower by name but I love all flowers with a pink color.

12. BEAUTIFUL BIRDS

It’s not all kids who like animals as pets. Some kids like birds instead. The only difficulty we have keeping birds as pet is our inability to provide a natural like environment which is close their parent environment.

There are different kinds of birds. Very few are discovered and many more are yet to be discovered. The last time, my first son asked a question I wasn’t able to provide an instant answer. Let me ask you to assist me answer his question. He asked “dad, birds and animals which ones are more than the other, is it birds or animals? I told him I will do my research and get back to him. But if you know the answer I would be very much grateful if you can reach me through info@parentrens.com

13. BEAUTIFUL NEIGHBORHOOD HAS BEEN ADDED TO THEIR LIST

Who doesn’t like a beautiful neighborhood? I do and know you do as well. The kids love a clean and friendly neighborhood especially when they are growing up to be environmentally conscious to keep a clean environment.

There are some 1st class residential neighborhood. Once in a while, get a taxi cap to drive your kids and you around those rich neighborhood. You know what? You are indirectly telling your kids they can always live in those areas if they work hard in life. Don’t limit them to only their immediate neighborhood.

We’ve been able to discuss 13 interesting things kids love in the world and parent must love them as well. When we visit some of these places with our kids, we will understand the beauty of nature.

Stay Blessed!

Emmanuel

%d bloggers like this: